baby's name

[beckycsu]

What is the name of your state?alabama
I was wondering, from a legal standpoint, if my husband and i are going through a divorce, does he have more rights to our baby than i do? I am due to have a baby in about a week, and i want the baby (boy) to have my last name. the father is not going to be present at the time of birth, and i know i can put my last name on the birth certificate. but if i do, can the father get his name changed to his last name? he is threatening to do so. if he can, is that not sexist? why should he have more rights to the name than i do just because he is a man? i carried the baby for 9 months without any help or support from him, no financial help of any kind, etc. i understand that he will be a father paying child support, but i will be a mother paying it too. i have to pay to raise the child too. and the way i see it, i should have the right to name the child whatever i want to since i will be taking care of all paperwork, doctor's visits, etc. i just want to know my rights and the father's rights and i cant get a straight answer from anyone i call about it. thank you.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?alabama
I was wondering, from a legal standpoint, if my husband and i are going through a divorce, does he have more rights to our baby than i do? I am due to have a baby in about a week, and i want the baby (boy) to have my last name. the father is not going to be present at the time of birth, and i know i can put my last name on the birth certificate. but if i do, can the father get his name changed to his last name? he is threatening to do so. if he can, is that not sexist? why should he have more rights to the name than i do just because he is a man? i carried the baby for 9 months without any help or support from him, no financial help of any kind, etc. i understand that he will be a father paying child support, but i will be a mother paying it too. i have to pay to raise the child too. and the way i see it, i should have the right to name the child whatever i want to since i will be taking care of all paperwork, doctor's visits, etc. i just want to know my rights and the father's rights and i cant get a straight answer from anyone i call about it. thank you.

Don't you have the father's last name since you are married still?

You can put your maiden name on the birth certificate- but father can certainly fight it in court...and have a VERY good chance at winning.

Why the power play over your son's name? Isn't your view equally sexist, if not more so, than what you allege about the father's?

And until 18 years have gone by, you can't possibly state that you will be the ONLY one to take the child to Dr's appointments or take care of all paperwork. Most states tend to favor joint custody, so prepare yourself for that possible outcome.

You both made this child and you both have equal rights to the child since the child was conceived during marriage.

 

[beckycsu]

alabama. it is not that i am trying to be sexist, and it is not a power play. but i will have primary custody, and odds are very great that i will be in charge of filling out paperwork and such. the father is not very capable of doing so, he has A.D.D. and has trouble filling out paperwork on himself, much less someone else. the reason i want the baby to have my last name is that his last name is awful. i have never used it for myself. if it were a normal name i might not have such a problem with it. i guess the question is if he took it to court, would i have any chance of winning? the only thing he has to argue is that he is the father, the baby should have his last name. well why? i am the mother. why should the baby have his last name instead of mine? just based on the fact that he is a man, could he win?

 

[beckycsu]

alabama. and i forgot to add, you said that since the child was conceived in marriage we both have equal rights. well the child was conceived before we were married, we got married because i became pregnant. we were married for 3 months when i left him because he was abusive to me. i just thought i would add that information to see if it mattered.

 

[casa]

alabama. and i forgot to add, you said that since the child was conceived in marriage we both have equal rights. well the child was conceived before we were married, we got married because i became pregnant. we were married for 3 months when i left him because he was abusive to me. i just thought i would add that information to see if it mattered.

You were married when the child was born...that will be the determining factor. A child born to married parents means both parents have equal rights legally to the child.

Unless you can prove he abused you- no it won't matter. So, you'd need police reports or Dr reports or evidence he was abusive to you...and even then that would only help if you wanted a restraining order for yourself- If he hasn't abused the child, he'll still have equal rights to the child.

How do you know you'll have primary custody? That's an awfully big assumption to make. Maybe when the baby is small &/or if breastfeeding...but even that will only be a matter of months. The father is fully entitled to file for joint physical and legal custody.

Many adults have ADD- that doesn't mean he's an incompetent parent. When filling out paperwork, you are typically in an office and can ask someone to help if you have trouble understanding anything.

 

[beckycsu]

alabama. i know i will have primary custody because my lawyer told me i would get primary custody because i am the mother, and he said in alabama the mother gets primary custody unless the father can prove the mother unfit, which by no means am i an unfit mother. i could more likely prove him an unfit father. is what my lawyer says true? and you would just have to know my husband, he REALLY cant fill out paperwork. i am not trying to take a dig at him, it is just a fact.

 

[casa]

alabama. i know i will have primary custody because my lawyer told me i would get primary custody because i am the mother, and he said in alabama the mother gets primary custody unless the father can prove the mother unfit, which by no means am i an unfit mother. i could more likely prove him an unfit father. is what my lawyer says true? and you would just have to know my husband, he REALLY cant fill out paperwork. i am not trying to take a dig at him, it is just a fact.

Google is your friend....Read up on Alabama Child Custody guidelines. Remember that lawyers tell the person hiring them what they want to hear- and definately they will fight to get the best outcome based on what their client wants....BUT the judge is the one who makes the final decision, not the lawyer.

As I said before, prepare yourself for all possible outcomes.

Here is what I found on Alabama custody guidelines in about 15 seconds:

Alabama Divorce/Custody Information and FAQ

Child custody The court shall consider joint custody in every case, but will make its final decision as to the type of custody to be awarded based upon the best interests of the child. Factors which the court will consider are: 1. The agreement or lack of agreement between the parents on joint custody.

2. The past and present ability of the parents to cooperate with each other and make decisions jointly.

3. The ability of the parents to encourage the sharing of love, affection and contact between the child and the other parent.

4. Any history of or potential for child abuse, spouse abuse or kidnapping.

5. The geographic proximity of the parents to each other.

Because joint custody is presumed to be in the best interests of the child, if both parents request joint custody, joint custody shall be ordered unless the court makes a specific finding as to why it should not be.

In order to implement joint custody, the court requires that the parents submit as part of their agreement provisions covering such things as the care and education of the child, the medical and dental care of the child, holiday and vacation visitation shcedules, and child support. Unless otherwise prohibited by the court, all records and information pertaining to the child, including but not limited to, medical, physiological, dental, scholastic, etc., shall be available equally to both parents.