Being Taken to Court by GP

[mistoffolees]

Dad did not encourage it, he tolerated it for brief amounts of time during the holidays.

That's BS hair splitting. If Dad didn't want the kids to have contact with the grandparents, he wouldn't have invited the grandparents into his home. By any standard, the father allowed a regular relationship with the grandparents.

I know that for some reason you appear to be pro gpv,

I really, really, really wish you'd stop making unfounded assumptions.

I'm not pro- or anti- gpv. I really couldn't care less about it - since all of my daughter's grandparents are a part of her life and I don't see that changing as long as they're alive.

I'm AGAINST people making unfounded assumptions - as you always do. I'm against people mis-representing the facts - as OP did when she said that grandparents had absolutely no reason to ask for visitation. I'm against people who take a completely black and white position on every topic regardless of the facts - as you regularly do.

But I couldn't care less about gpv. So please stop making wild accusations.

 

[candg918]

OP,

Thanks for asking about child. Unfortunately, it was determined that despite regular physicals he had an undiagnosed, long time, very unusual medical condition that affected him psychologically, academically and physically. The treatment has greatly improved emotional issues but his academic and physical impairments are permanent and potentially life threatening if treatment is not maintained. Dealing with the potential death of a child is stressful - much more so than ones own life threatening problems. A long, lingering decline is harder to deal with than something that occurs quickly; there is more time to question whether you are doing everything that can be done.

I cannot say the same about the girl he had been involved with many years ago; she is now a convicted felon; she probably learned from her brother who was not listed as a felon because he was a juvenile offender (did not know this until son had been dating her for many months!); she knew how to manipulate the system to her advantage as he brother had done so already. He has better taste in women now. Don't worry about ever meeting him (for which I am very grateful!); he (and other brother) won't date women with children; they have too many "issues' no matter whether they are never married, divorced or widowed (You are a textbook example of why they should not date a widow.). Better to be single than married to the wrong woman! Even then, a prenup will be a requirement before any wedding at this point; we've seen too many divorces where the girl impoverishes the family and takes the guy's inheritance and premarital savings to pay off her bills. They have too much to lose financially with a gold digger.

Sis and I are on very good terms and together are busy supporting other sibling in a new business venture. Time and grief counseling heals many differences. She even told me recently how much she appreciates how much I did for our mother.

In spite of our incompetent first attorney and after much thought, grandkids have trusts setup to provide for them as we wanted after our deaths no matter what might happen to our child/their parent in the future. The trustee we chose will make sure that any guardians requests from their inheritance will be spent properly. It was a challenge to define what we would want to do for them if we were alive in specific enough terms for the legalese. But, your inlaws won't need to worry about that since you want nothing from your husband's parents.

Other than dealing with a flaky SIL - she a diamond in the rough compared to you, family is doing well. I am busy researching the best way to setup disabled child's in a business that allows him to work within his physical and mental capabilities and be partially self sufficient - buying food and gas would be great right now. Health insurance available to small businesses through the various state programs is a challenge trying to find the most affordable option with the various requirements.

You are without a doubt one of the nastiest posters ever on this board. I attribute that to your grief and sincerely hope that you get counseling. Your attitude can do nothing but hurt your children and they will come to dislike you As they grow older, they will come to understand and forgive if you are lucky. I suspect that you are relatively young and quite immature as your posts show a selfish attitude more typical of a teenager than a mature adult; I know teenagers all too well - even ones who eventually become attorneys, PhDs, and earn 6 figure incomes are obnoxious at times. I would guess that you may even have learning disabilities or undiagnosed physical issues as some of these affect mature, rational thinking so when you schedule your counseling, schedule a physical with blood chem workup as well. Your stress can be contributing to health issues

It would be interesting to know if you have a new significant other or if you feel guilty about the death of your spouse (like were you driving and had a car accident or had a fight right before he died). Either of these would go far to explaining your behaviour towards his family. The more you post the more it becomes understandable why your inlaws found it necessary to take legal action.

Good luck! Your children - and future spouse - are going to need it.

 

[Proserpina]

OP,

Thanks for asking about child. Unfortunately, it was determined that despite regular physicals he had an undiagnosed, long time, very unusual medical condition that affected him psychologically, academically and physically. The treatment has greatly improved emotional issues but his academic and physical impairments are permanent and potentially life threatening if treatment is not maintained. Dealing with the potential death of a child is stressful - much more so than ones own life threatening problems. A long, lingering decline is harder to deal with than something that occurs quickly; there is more time to question whether you are doing everything that can be done.

I cannot say the same about the girl he had been involved with many years ago; she is now a convicted felon; she probably learned from her brother who was not listed as a felon because he was a juvenile offender (did not know this until son had been dating her for many months!); she knew how to manipulate the system to her advantage as he brother had done so already. He has better taste in women now. Don't worry about ever meeting him (for which I am very grateful!); he (and other brother) won't date women with children; they have too many "issues' no matter whether they are never married, divorced or widowed (You are a textbook example of why they should not date a widow.). Better to be single than married to the wrong woman! Even then, a prenup will be a requirement before any wedding at this point; we've seen too many divorces where the girl impoverishes the family and takes the guy's inheritance and premarital savings to pay off her bills. They have too much to lose financially with a gold digger.

Sis and I are on very good terms and together are busy supporting other sibling in a new business venture. Time and grief counseling heals many differences. She even told me recently how much she appreciates how much I did for our mother.

In spite of our incompetent first attorney and after much thought, grandkids have trusts setup to provide for them as we wanted after our deaths no matter what might happen to our child/their parent in the future. The trustee we chose will make sure that any guardians requests from their inheritance will be spent properly. It was a challenge to define what we would want to do for them if we were alive in specific enough terms for the legalese. But, your inlaws won't need to worry about that since you want nothing from your husband's parents.

Other than dealing with a flaky SIL - she a diamond in the rough compared to you, family is doing well. I am busy researching the best way to setup disabled child's in a business that allows him to work within his physical and mental capabilities and be partially self sufficient - buying food and gas would be great right now. Health insurance available to small businesses through the various state programs is a challenge trying to find the most affordable option with the various requirements.

You are without a doubt one of the nastiest posters ever on this board. I attribute that to your grief and sincerely hope that you get counseling. Your attitude can do nothing but hurt your children and they will come to dislike you As they grow older, they will come to understand and forgive if you are lucky. I suspect that you are relatively young and quite immature as your posts show a selfish attitude more typical of a teenager than a mature adult; I know teenagers all too well - even ones who eventually become attorneys, PhDs, and earn 6 figure incomes are obnoxious at times. I would guess that you may even have learning disabilities or undiagnosed physical issues as some of these affect mature, rational thinking so when you schedule your counseling, schedule a physical with blood chem workup as well.

It would be interesting to know if you have a new significant other or if you feel guilty about the death of your spouse (like were you driving and had a car accident or had a fight right before he died). Either of these would go far to explaining your behaviour towards his family. The more you post the more it becomes understandable why your inlaws found it necessary to take legal action.

Good luck! Your children - and future spouse - are going to need it.

As a widow who also lost a child, I'm completely and utterly disgusted, appalled and left - literally - speechless by this post.

Yes, I've kept it.

Just in case you later decide to delete it.

This post will NOT be forgotten.

 

[stealth2]

You are without a doubt one of the nastiest posters ever on this board.

I would seriously look in a mirror.

 

[LdiJ]

I would seriously look in a mirror.

No kidding. The level of arrogance leaves me speechless.

 

[candg918]

Reason to not marry a person with children: His/her children will and should be first priority. Why should you marry to become an afterthought. At least when two people with children marry, they are on equal footing in the relationship; both are putting children before new spouse. The personal experience that first galvanized my opinion on this issue is below.

A dear friend was a never married and childless; she dated for many years and finally married a man with children from a former marriage which had ended in a bitter divorce and support/visitation battle. She was suspected of having cancer and was scheduled for surgery at the earliest possible time. That day happened to be her DH’s midweek visitation. That evening I was the one sitting with her while she learned the results of her surgery; DH was off on his weekly playdate with his children. That made a very pointed statement on her place in the family; she was the primary breadwinner and financially supported the children from her work and inheritance since DH had difficulty doing so, owned the home they lived in, endured abuse from her DH’s ex and her new spouse. Why did she stay in this relationship? I guess her answer to my “are you better off with him or without him” question was “with him.” I know that she questioned that many times. IMO, she gave up too much of her potential happiness and endured much unnecessary stress for him and his children while receiving whatever scraps they saw fit to give her. She deserved more!

Since that time I watched a close family member go through similar situation; she is much happier since she chose the "without" option and remains on good terms with her former stepchildren.

It is better never to get yourself in that position; let the people with children from prior relationships marry so that as a childless single you are free to meet someone who will put you first – another childless single; if you have children than you as a couple can put them first.

 

[CSO286]

Reason to not marry a person with children: His/her children will and should be first priority. Why should you marry to become an afterthought. At least when two people with children marry, they are on equal footing in the relationship; both are putting children before new spouse. ....
It is better never to get yourself in that position; let the people with children from prior relationships marry so that as a childless single you are free to meet someone who will put you first – another childless single; if you have children than you as a couple can put them first.

Wow.

I'm sorry... I think you're nuts.

Let me rephrase: I'm sorry you're nuts.


Married or not, the children come first. Rule number one of parenting.

It doesn't matter whether or not you lose a spouse, or child; both losses are devastating. and honestly, no matter what, I can guaruntee that my children will always come before my husband, whether those children are mine, his, or ours.

I'm sure there are some seniors who can articulate their outrage at this far better than I can right now....since your post kind has my jaw on my desk.

(Sorry, OP, for your loss first and foremost, your struggles next and finally for my sort-of hijack.)

 

[Rushia]

Wow.

I'm sorry... I think you're nuts.

Let me rephrase: I'm sorry you're nuts.


Married or not, the children come first. Rule number of parenting.

It doesn't matter whether or not you lose a spouse, or child; both losses are devastating. and honestly, no matter what, I can guaruntee that my children will always come before my husband, whether those children are mine, his, or ours.

I'm sure there are some seniors who can articalte thier outrage at this far better tah nI can right now....since your post kind has my jaw on my desk.

(Sorry, OP, for your loss first and foremost, your struggles next and finally for my sort-of hijack.)

Co-sign please. What an absolute load of.....well, ya know. Guess my husband never should have married me then.

 

[ecmst12]

I never dated guys with kids for exactly that reason. But that was my PERSONAL choice, and I would never presume to think it's the best choice for everyone. And I'm sure a lot of stepparents out there never went LOOKING to become one, and just happened to fall for someone with other kids. But it's hardly the ideal position that someone would intentionally seek out.

I seriously think Candy needs to stop talking though. Every time she posts, she looks like more of a nasty ignorant witch. Not doing herself any favors.

 

[CSO286]

Co-sign please. What an absolute load of.....well, ya know. Guess my husband never should have married me then.

Yes, Rushia.....you must divorce immediately, if only to stop your husband from having hurt feelings should you ever put the well-being of your children before his**************

 

[Rushia]

Yes, Rushia.....you must divorce immediately, if only to stop your husband from having hurt feelings should you ever put the well-being of your children before his**************

LOL. I told him that rule before I even agreed to date him. Surprisingly his answer was that he didn't expect anything else. Go figger.

 

[Intact family]

OP,

I too am from MD and just went through a GPV case in which my MIL withdrew her complaint one week before trial. I understand the anger you feel because my wife and I experienced it first hand. In some states being a widow would definitely work against you but I'm not so sure that's the case here in MD. I do think your chance of getting the case dismissed at the outset is slim but not impossible. The senior members of this forum are very helpful and know much more than I do about GPV but let me see if I can clarify some things.

As far as mediation goes, we were never required to do so. The opposing attorney wrote to us and asked if we would consider it and we refused. IMO there is no need for fit parents or parent to mediate over whether a GP should have visitation. Maybe if the case had gone to trial the master/judge would have ordered it but more likely I think the court would have awarded us a victory based on the merits.

One case that is relevant to yours is Aumiller vs. Aumiller. Google it and you should be able to find it. Mom and Dad were married, had a kid, got divorced, then Dad died of a drug overdose. Dad's parents sued for GPV. The case went to one of the appellate courts in MD and the mother won. The important thing for you to know that came out of this case is that the court said the breaking of a prior relationship between children and GP's is NOT in and of itself an exceptional circumstance. Don't let the GP's attorney try to pull that one over your attorney or the judge. Aumiller was very clear about that.

Another important case is Brandenburg vs. Labarre, which the court of special appeals ruled on this past June. The GP's were extremely involved in the upbringing of the children, provided full time day care and also had frequent overnight visits with them. The circuit court judge gave visitation to the GP's but the parents appealed and won. The court of special appeals said the GP's never provided any evidence of harm to the children absent visitation. You can also find the details of that one online as well.

The bottom line here in MD is this: your in-laws, in order to get visitation, will first have to do one of these two things BEFORE the court looks at the "best interest of the children" standard - prove that you are unfit, which you're obviously not. Or, prove that exceptional circumstances exist. Now, this is where some confusion lies since the MD courts have not given a "bright line" definition of what constitutes exceptional circumstances. I hope other posters read this very carefully as well because this may be different in other states. The GP's must PROVE that your children are being harmed by an absence of visitation with them, a difficult hurdle indeed. You do NOT have to prove that the children would be harmed by seeing them. There is a huge difference. The burden is entirely on them. If all they can say to a judge is "we had a prior relationship with them, a good one, so it's common sense they're being harmed" then the GP's are going to lose. They must provide solid, concrete evidence that the kids are currently being harmed, not just mere specualtion. A prior relationship alone, even a close one, will not cut it in this state anymore. If you show that your kids are well adjusted and healthy then it will be very hard for the GP's to rebut that. Now, what could make things more difficult for you would be the judge. The one judge we encountered at our motion to dismiss hearing was ignorant and even more arrogant. Never a good combination. However, if you did lose at the circuit level I would definitely encourage you to appeal, as the appellate courts have steadily ruled for the parents in GPV cases since the Koshko vs. Haining decision in 2007.

Please feel free to PM me. I would be more than happy to give you the details of our case and assist in any way I can.