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bf adopt my son.. ? help

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terak89

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
My name is Tera. And I am from Jackson, MI.

Okay..my boyfriend wants to become my sons legal father. He isn't on the birth certificate, no one is besides me. I don't have any idea where the real father is. Nor do I know jis last name. Where do I begin to give legal rights to my boyfriend? He is pretty much the father. He's adopted my son already in our minds, we just want to make it official.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


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Antigone*

Senior Member
terak89 said:
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
My name is Tera. And I am from Jackson, MI.

Okay..my boyfriend wants to become my sons legal father. He isn't on the birth certificate, no one is besides me. I don't have any idea where the real father is. Nor do I know jis last name. Where do I begin to give legal rights to my boyfriend? He is pretty much the father. He's adopted my son already in our minds, we just want to make it official.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
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Tera,

You have to start by marrying the man and waiting a few years. That is how you begin the process to make it official.
 
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davidmcbeth3

Senior Member
If your BF is reading: Don't adopt. No point in doing so ... and it would create a possible legal obligation that is not really necessary for you.

Oh, the mother may wish it but you should not accept the offer.
 
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CSO286

Senior Member
davidmcbeth3 said:
If your BF is reading: Don't adopt. No point in doing so ... and it would create a possible legal obligation that is not really necessary for you.

Oh, the mother may wish it but you should not accept the offer.
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What is your legal basis for making that argument?

I'll wait.
 
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CreativeBlock

Member
CSO286 said:
What is your legal basis for making that argument?

I'll wait.
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Please don't even attempt to.

I'm sure dogs will become the Overlords of the planet, and we'll have a blissful Utopia, replete with fruit the size of Volkswagens, by the time he gets back with THAT. :eek:
 
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CreativeBlock

Member
davidmcbeth3 said:
If your BF is reading: Don't adopt. No point in doing so ... and it would create a possible legal obligation that is not really necessary for you.

Oh, the mother may wish it but you should not accept the offer.
Click to expand...

Actually, I agree ... in reverse. :eek:

OP shouldn't do it because no matter how much she loves BF NOW, I'm sure she loves her child more. And having BF adopt without benefit of marriage, you'll be *opening yourself to nasty custody issues.

It boils down to this (IMO): Who do you love more? And who do you think, without a doubt, you will ALWAYS love?

If any of your answers were "the BF" ... well, we don't think the same way, I guess.

(*Of course, WITH marriage you still leave yourself open to nasty custody issues, but with marriage, it's part and parcel. If there's no adoption, and you're not married, breaking up and moving on won't be quite so complicated.)
 
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CSO286

Senior Member
Oh, I completely agree with CB and Tigi, but I'm just dying to see David's 'legal' agrument against it.


OP...Tigi's really got the right of it.

You guys shouldn't go down the adoption road until you've gone down the marriage road first.
 
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ap4l

Junior Member
Just from a LEGAL standpoint... If you and your b/f were to marry it would make the adoption much easier. It shows the court stability and a real commitment and affection between him and your son as well as him and you.

If your not ready to take that step yet I would really suggest just waiting for adoption until you two are ready for that commitment. But if your determined to do it now you defintely will need a lawyer because you are not married and it is not considered a stepparent adoption so there will be more hoops to jump through.

Stepparent adoption is much easier and you can actually handle that yourself without an attorney. (I know because i've done it)
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
CSO286 said:
Oh, I completely agree with CB and Tigi, but I'm just dying to see David's 'legal' agrument against it.


OP...Tigi's really got the right of it.

You guys shouldn't go down the adoption road until you've gone down the marriage road first.
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And, even then, think long and hard about it.

There's less advantage to adoption in this case than in most of the cases posted here.

The considerations:

- Since OP doesn't know the father - or even his last name, he's unlikely to enter the picture later
- If they marry and BF/husband adopts, then they split up later, he'll be on the hook for CS. Obviously this is good for her, bad for him (depending on whether he truly wants to support the child or not).
- If they split up later, he could have visitation if he adopts, but not if he doesn't
- If she dies, the father isn't going to step up, so BF/husband might have a chance of custody any way (Michigan's laws on defacto parenthood are somewhat in flux).

Only the two of them can determine if it's worth the trouble, but I agree that it's not likely (nor wise) unless they're married.
 
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