birthing expenses

[dgingrich]

Pennsylvania. I just have a ? about birthing expenses. Here's the situation: My boyfriend has 50% custody of his son (age 11). His parent's have the other 50%. Childs mother lives in NC and see's him one night per month. Boyfriend pays $550.00 per month in CP to grandparent's. 1 year ago boyfriend was slapped with 18,000.00 in birthing expenses because child's mother went on welfare while pregger's, unknown to my boyfriend because they weren't together. (Pregnancy result of one nite stand) Pennsylvania will not go after mother for 1/2 of birthing expenses. Do we have any recourse in civil court against mother? He has no prob w/paying 1/2 (9,000.00) because this is his son. When I asked the eggdonor to help us she told ME to get a loan to pay it off. NOT MY KID. PA is tacking on an xtra 100.00 per month to the 550.00 per month for the birthing expenses. This just doesn't seem fair. The IRS has intercepted his income tax check because of this, and his credit report shows that he is 18,000.00 in arrears in CS because of this.

 

[stealth2]

Why are you even involved in this situation? As you said - it's not your kid. Your b/f should be the one talking to the mother if anyone is.

 

[AHA]

He needs to get a lawyer and accept he'll have to pay some. There is always a price for unprotected sex, expensive lesson to learn, but a necessary one.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Yep, he definitely needs an attorney.

 

[dgingrich]

birthing expenses

We live together, and in all practicality, I am the child's mother. This involves me because No 1, this hurts me financially, boyfriend and eggdonor cannot talk about anything without it turning into a fight of some sort. I guess because I am the "level-headed" one, I am the only one she will communicate with. He is very angry, and in my opinion, rightfully so. He has no probs w/supporting his son, but doesn't think that it's fair that he alone has to eat the entire cost of these birthing expenses when the child is HER child too.

 

[stealth2]

We live together, and in all practicality, I am the child's mother. This involves me because No 1, this hurts me financially, boyfriend and eggdonor cannot talk about anything without it turning into a fight of some sort. I guess because I am the "level-headed" one, I am the only one she will communicate with. He is very angry, and in my opinion, rightfully so. He has no probs w/supporting his son, but doesn't think that it's fair that he alone has to eat the entire cost of these birthing expenses when the child is HER child too.

Legally, you are nothing more than a stranger. You're not the child's mother. A judge will not find your involvement interesting or amusing, and is likely to tell you to butt out.

 

[dgingrich]

All I asked was if there was any recourse in civil court for my BF? I thought that maybe, just maybe someone else out there has gone thru the same thing and could offer some advice. I'll remember that I'm not the child's mother when he is up sick in the middle of the nite, or needs help w/his homework, or is not wanting to get out of bed because he's depressed because his REAL mom abandoned him. Or maybe when I'm taking him for monthly dr. visits and holding his head when he's up puking all nite. Thanks for the reminder STEALTH2

 

[stealth2]

The fact remains that it is not your place to be talking to her about what he may or may not owe. It is up to him.

 

[dgingrich]

can someone besides STEALTH2 please give me some advice? Obviously I thought this was an advice site and that's what I asked for, some advise.

 

[LdiJ]

Pennsylvania. I just have a ? about birthing expenses. Here's the situation: My boyfriend has 50% custody of his son (age 11). His parent's have the other 50%. Childs mother lives in NC and see's him one night per month. Boyfriend pays $550.00 per month in CP to grandparent's. 1 year ago boyfriend was slapped with 18,000.00 in birthing expenses because child's mother went on welfare while pregger's, unknown to my boyfriend because they weren't together. (Pregnancy result of one nite stand) Pennsylvania will not go after mother for 1/2 of birthing expenses. Do we have any recourse in civil court against mother? He has no prob w/paying 1/2 (9,000.00) because this is his son. When I asked the eggdonor to help us she told ME to get a loan to pay it off. NOT MY KID. PA is tacking on an xtra 100.00 per month to the 550.00 per month for the birthing expenses. This just doesn't seem fair. The IRS has intercepted his income tax check because of this, and his credit report shows that he is 18,000.00 in arrears in CS because of this.

First, why doesn't he have primary custody of his child? Why do his parents share custody? Why is he paying child support to his parents and the mother isn't? If the state has declared that he is responsible for the birthing costs then honestly, there really isn't anything that he can do about that.

You could talk to an attorney about a civil case against the mother however I have never heard of something like that and it seems unlikely to me that it could succeed.

I understand that you are trying to help him, but as stealth was pointing out this is HIS case and his problem to resolve. Since he is sharing custody with his parents his problems are obviously greater than just the birthing costs.

 

[dgingrich]

He share's custody of his son w/his parents because 6 years ago he got into trouble and served a year in prison. If he had not turned over custody to his parents at that point, the eggdonor would have taken him out of state(where she lives now) and the child would never have returned. The deal was that when my BF got out and got his **** together, the child would be returned. Fast forward 5 years later and because his parents (who by the way are in their 70's+) are such control freaks that they didn't want to relenquish custody completely. A deal of 50/50 was struck with the understanding that within 6 mos the child would be w/us 100%. He is paying CS to his parents because my BF's mom had a fit over something one day and knew that the only way she could hurt him was to hit him in the wallet. The eggdonor is court ordered to pay 50.00/mo. but doesn't. Obviously we are not rich ppl. In the state of PA the guideline state that grandparents are not obligated to financially support a grandchild, so their income was not even taken into consideration when CS was granted. Their income is listed as $0.00. They are, on the other hand, are very financially well off and can afford an attorney to fight us for custody. The child wants to be with us but they don't care. My BF has been out of jail for 5 years now with not even as much as a traffic violation against him. He screwed up and knows it. The eggdonor doesn't work, but claims she is a full time student. We work our asses off everyday and cant afford an attorney. She on the otherhand gets free legal help from the state of NC, and because PA is a reciprocal state, she also gets free legal help from PA. In the meantime, she just bought a brand new home (not in her name) w/ a pool, has 2 cell phones, a 3000.00 puter and is able to rent a brand new mustang every month to make her once a month overnite visits w/the child. All I am asking is what is my BF supposed to do? Can he get anything back in terms of a civil suit?

 

[LdiJ]

He share's custody of his son w/his parents because 6 years ago he got into trouble and served a year in prison. If he had not turned over custody to his parents at that point, the eggdonor would have taken him out of state(where she lives now) and the child would never have returned. The deal was that when my BF got out and got his **** together, the child would be returned. Fast forward 5 years later and because his parents (who by the way are in their 70's+) are such control freaks that they didn't want to relenquish custody completely. A deal of 50/50 was struck with the understanding that within 6 mos the child would be w/us 100%. He is paying CS to his parents because my BF's mom had a fit over something one day and knew that the only way she could hurt him was to hit him in the wallet. The eggdonor is court ordered to pay 50.00/mo. but doesn't. Obviously we are not rich ppl. In the state of PA the guideline state that grandparents are not obligated to financially support a grandchild, so their income was not even taken into consideration when CS was granted. Their income is listed as $0.00. They are, on the other hand, are very financially well off and can afford an attorney to fight us for custody. The child wants to be with us but they don't care. My BF has been out of jail for 5 years now with not even as much as a traffic violation against him. He screwed up and knows it. The eggdonor doesn't work, but claims she is a full time student. We work our asses off everyday and cant afford an attorney. She on the otherhand gets free legal help from the state of NC, and because PA is a reciprocal state, she also gets free legal help from PA. In the meantime, she just bought a brand new home (not in her name) w/ a pool, has 2 cell phones, a 3000.00 puter and is able to rent a brand new mustang every month to make her once a month overnite visits w/the child. All I am asking is what is my BF supposed to do? Can he get anything back in terms of a civil suit?

Well...the first thing I would suggest is that he thoroughly educate himself on the PA laws regarding custody and then hightail it to court and get back full custody of his child. Enough time has passed that he should be able to do this even if he has to represent himself.

Again, as far as the birthing costs are concerned, again, all I can suggest is that he get a consult with an attorney regarding a civil suit against the mother. An attorney can best tell you whether or not there would be any chance of doing it.

 

[stealth2]

Of course, enough time has also passed that the kid is settled in the current arrangement. And judges are notorious for not liking to disrupt kids' lives.

 

[LdiJ]

Of course, enough time has also passed that the kid is settled in the current arrangement. And judges are notorious for not liking to disrupt kids' lives.

True, however when the other party is a grandparent (or another third party) the judge has to operate with a different set of rules. I don't think that the PA statutes allow for "defacto parents"...however I could be wrong.

 

[nextwife]

Regardless of all that, BOTH parents chose to make this child. Why should only ONE be asked to pay for the birthing costs? I mean, I could see that if mom were lying in a coma somewhere unable to work, but if both parents are able bodied, both parents should bear the financial responsibility.