Blackmailing me from jail

[cricket65]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

I've gotten myself in trouble and I'm very scared and worried. I'm think I'm being blackmailed but I don't know how to get out of it.
I'm married with 4 children. Together, my husband and I have a a nice income and live in a wonderful home. We live in a nice little "white collar" world. But, I have always been attracted to the rugged, "blue collar" kind of world.
3 years ago, I started an on-again/off-again affair with a blue-collar someone who has trouble with drinking and driving. He is currently incarcerated for being pulled over and given his 8th DUI. He has been in and out of jail so much that he's lost everyone's trust and concern.
When he was taken to jail in August, he phoned me begging me to be there for him, to just at least be his friend, because now he truly has no one in his life. If he were to get out, he'd be homeless, which is true.
At the time he called, our relationship was "off", but I told him I'd help him through this. I have been the only person who visits, accepts his calls and puts money on his books so he can have commisions. He has talked about how he's going to have a completely different life when he gets out. He wants go to college, live sober and have a normal life. He knows I'm the only way to that new life and that if he didn't have me, his dreams for that new life are over.
I have tried to end it several times. He is constantly angry with me. He's angry if I don't answer the phone, if I have a meeting at work and other men are there, if I say anything that remotely sounds as if I'm trying to break things off, or if I can't make one of my weekly visits to him.
When I've tried to end it he makes threats such as, "I will make you're life a constant living hell"; "You will never be rid of me"; "I will make you suffer" ; "If I have to be miserable, I will make sure you're miserable", etc.
I do not want to marry him or to have anything more to do with him. I'm scared of him.
He has letters that I've written him in the past that are very explicit and talk about our past sexual experiences and our affair. When he gets angry with me, he has said that he will use them to ruin me. And they could. I would lose my husband, my children, my home, and my job (I work in a school).
I have learned that in order to keep him calm, I have to be very nice to him, making sure that I answer his calls, put money on his books, visit, so forth. When we talk, I have to act like I love him, and let him talk about "our" future. But, the truth is I'm very scared.
I don't feel like I can go to my husband with any of this becuase I had confessed to him about my affair after about a year after it had started. Then, I put him through the hell again, a second time, when we started it up again. I couldn't bear to kill him again, a third time, with this. Even though it wasn't an affair this time, it wouldn't make any difference to my husband.
I know that I am fully responsible for all of this. I created this and I will not forgive myself. I would do anything to keep my husband and family from feeling the least amount of pain as possible.
I've looked for postings or threads with a similar situation as this and I haven't been able to find any.
I just wanted to know if this is blackmail, or is this just the bed I've made and now I have to sleep in it?
I'd appreciate any help or suggestions about what I can do to stop the threats.
Cricket65

 

[seniorjudge]

Let me ask you something: How would you like all this to turn out?

Give me the end results you want to see.

Let's start from there, okay?

 

[cricket65]

Blackmail from Jail

KS
I would like to be able to be completely rid of him without my family ever finding out about any of this. That seems so ridiculiously unrealistic, but that is what I'd love the end result to be.

 

[seniorjudge]

KS
I would like to be able to be completely rid of him without my family ever finding out about any of this. That seems so ridiculiously unrealistic, but that is what I'd love the end result to be.

Yes, it is ridiculously unrealistic.

You aren't asking for legal advice so I will not give you legal advice.

But my non-legal advice is for you to confess to your husband and tell him you need his help in getting rid of this problem. Also, don't talk to the prisoner ever again or contact him in any way.

You may wind up in divorce court, but I can't figure out a magic bullet solution for you.

 

[cricket65]

blackmail from jail

KS
Is there any legal action that can be done? What advice do you have for me in this situation?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

KS
Is there any legal action that can be done? What advice do you have for me in this situation?

You have three options and ONLY three:

1. you can file charges of blackmail against the inmate, during which the facts of your indiscretions will be the center of the investigation, or;

2. you can tell your husband and maybe he'll divorce your ass, or;

3. you can do nothing and wait.

your choice.

 

[calatty]

First, tell this person you don't want to talk to him ever again. Second, don't ever talk to him again. Third, if he continues to contact you, get a restraining order. As long as you act like you love him, you won't be rid of him.

 

[Eskiegirl]

Direction?

Hi. I am new to this forum and find a lot of crude replies (the way things are said) but, I feel for u. Send me an instant message and we will talk

 

[teflon_jones]

You definitely need to cease all contact with this person right away. You're only perpetuating the problem by continuing to talk to him. You're fostering the belief that there's still a relationship between the two of you. Also, while it would be nice to believe that he's going to turn his life around when he gets out, history has shown otherwise. If he hasn't turned it around by now, it's going to take a lot more than another DUI to do it. His threats against you also show that he has no desire to turn anything around.

I would also get a restraining order against him. Does he have a history of any violence, or violent crimes?

Lastly, I would tell your husband about this. I know it's not going to be a fun conversation, nor one that you want to have, but if you at all value the future of your marriage then you need to.

 

[seniorjudge]

Hi. I am new to this forum and find a lot of crude replies (the way things are said) but, I feel for u. Send me an instant message and we will talk

There are no crude replies in this thread. What is wrong with us telling her to end an adulterous affair with a convicted felon?

 

[avanalyn]

is this stalking?

I'm not an expert in this field, but this seems to resemble stalking more than blackmail. If I undertsand what you've said about this man, when he gets out of jail he intends to stalk you. Painful as it is, you have to know where you stand. There are some great books on this subject. Please read Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear," also Doreen Orion's I KNow You Really Love Me, (a psychiatrist's account of Stalking and Obsessive Love)". It's essential that you undertand what is really happening and take action.

First, I think you have to tell your husband, since both he and your children may be at risk. Then cut off all contact with this man. Then get some counselling for yourself and your family. Find someone who is experienced and can support you. Consult a criminal attorney. Tell your friends. It's very important that people know what is happening here. Most of all, this means getting out of shame and into action.

I hope this helps a little...feeling for you...ava

 

[cricket65]

KS
Thank you all for your advice and suggestions. I took it and had my phone blocked from receiving calls from him. So he sent me a letter. He stated that he put me on the visitation list for today at 9:30 and that if I didn't want him to send my letters to my husband's family that I'd better be there with new shoes for him that he needed.
I took him some new shoes.
He told me that he'd gotten the idea to blackmail me from a book he'd read in there called "The Brethren". I told him it worked. Then he told me not to be scared of him because he loved me and blah blah blah.
Here's my question: Do you think there'd be someone at the jail that I could take this to? Who would it be and how would I go about talking to them?
Thanks for any help.
Cricket
PS - Yes, my husband probably should divorce my ass.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Take copies of the letters to the prison and ask that they tkae care of it.
Get a restraining order.
Quit giving into his demands.
Be honest with your husband.

 

[mrcheerful]

you are now at the point that you have two choices and neither are going to be pretty nor work out the way you want. the guy is using you and will continue to use you as long as he can. so you can bring everything out in the open or continue to let him blackmail you for years to come and what are you going to do when he gets out and demands sexual favors along with cash rewards for keeping things quiet. even if he does prison time your not going to get away from him, i've seen guys that did this and got these women to put money into their accounts and also get them to deliver contraband into the prison for them. even in jail, if your allowed contact with him, he can use you to get drugs or other things into the jail for him. eventually you will get caught and then everything will be out in the open along with a nice court case for you, then what are you going to do? i nor anybody else can tell you what to do, all we can do is tell you that you got yourself into a no win situation and all you can do is cut your loses and come clean, put a stop to it now because later will be to late. btw he didn't get this idea from a book, its one of the oldest con games out there. best advise i can give you is go to your husband and confess then go to the police, its always better to admit your wrong doings then it is to let your loved ones find out on their own, because regaurdless of what you do for this guy the truth will come out. who would you rather have your family find out from him and the courts or you? it will come out sooner or later and your husband probably already has an ideal somethings going on, when you hide things from those close to you they pick up on the changes in your behavior.

 

[You Are Guilty]

Actually, if it's the same Brethren that I read (Grisham), it sure does discuss a rather nifty behind-bars blackmail scheme. Speaking of which, hmmmmm...

And I don't like Grisham books, either.