blessedmom

[nextwife]

You're preaching to the choir, babe!

Stealth, you know I'm not talking to you!

It just frustrates the heck out of me. How would Mom like to ONLY get to be with her child if she were hanging out at Dad's house?

Research shows that the earlier and stronger bonded parents also end up being more INVOLVED parents - and the ones who are more reliable CS payors. They are emotionally vested in their child. This is a GOOD thing.

 

[newbirth]

In response to nextwife

I am not saying that she can not spend the night with him. Because I know that she needs her father, I wouldn't dare come between her having a relationship w/ him. The point is that he has to understand that he will never have the same amount of time spent with her as I do. The reason being, I work nights for only 4days(weekends) and off the beginning of the week. Where as he works mon. thru fri day shift. The problem is that he wants her 3.5 days(as he states) and I 3.5 days. Well, fri and mon. he is at work, I am at home and the baby is w/ his mom. So why pick her up on thur. nights when fri morning he is going to work leaving her w/ grandma and mom is at home until 10pm. Don't get me wrong I want him to be apart of her life, I have even opened my home to him during the week for a couple of hours. But if you work the following day just leave her home until fri. evening and then you can spend quality time on your off days. and another thing since his name is on the birth cert. does that give him the right to just try to dictate to me what I can and can not do ?

 

[newbirth]

Also, the concern really comes in because she has special needs. And bouncing her from house to house, no consistency or stablity may cause her to have a set back. Now, I feel that the schedule I set up was fair and reasonable. Every other weekend(sleeping over) and open to visit anytime during the week. How much more fair can I get. It's not about me or him, it should be what is in the best interest of the child!!!!!

 

[misslawli]

"The point is that he has to understand that he will never have the same amount of time spent with her as I do."
The thing you have to realize is yes he could. It's called shared parenting. So the child doesn't go into the care of someone else while you are at work?? whats the difference. Here you have an appourtunity that most posters would kill for. An ex that WANTS to be a good father. Doesn't happen a lot. Im not bashing you at all, my son started overnights with his father at 5 months. I wish he would have more to do with our son. If he does file though, your stuck with what the judge gives you. If in a year or so he does get 50/50 then then you are obligated to send her at the required times. Sometimes fathers don't feel comfortable with being at Mom's house constantly watched and scrutenized. He has to learn the ropes of being a dad just like you had to learn the ropes of motherhood. You Never know, It may work better than you ever thought.

 

[newbirth]

response to misslawli

I am not knocking the fact thathe wants to be w/ her etc. I am not even taking that from him. I have other children and both there dad's live in another state, so yes I am greatful. But, if he works days, sometimes 6 days a week and I only work 4 overnights, he will not have the same amount of time spent. Especialy not 50%, now she may be at his home w/ his family but it will not be with him is what i am trying to get him to understand. And why should someone else have to watch her when I'm at home while he is working?

 

[stealth2]

It is horribly insensitive and thoughtless of him to want to provide his mother and child an opportunity to bond as well. How dare he!

Oh brother.

 

[newbirth]

Thanks Stealth2, but no thanks I feel as though you were being sarcastic about my last entry. And I thought this was to help people w/ advice, not be mean and/ or sarcastic. :

 

[stealth2]

Of course it was sarcastic. People have been helping you with advice, yet you've made it plain that you're not really interested in the reality of how the law sees these issues. What you want is for someone to tell you that Dad has no right to have 50/50 custody. That's not going to happen - he has every right to ask for it and possibly receive it. If he were leaving the child with a total stranger, it might be a different story. But his mother? The child's grandmother? Go ahead - try that argument out on a judge and see where it goes.

 

[adonahee]

Your arguments are petty.....

Which is why people are coming down on you. Most of us are in shared parenting, have custody agreements, etc and are aware of how they work and what the law encourages. What you are describing is not in the child's best interest, but is something you are comfortable with and think is best. Be aware that your view is hardly the view of most courts...they encourage and order shared plans every day. If you can choose who your child spends the time you are working with, so can Dad. If he wants to take the child home and spend private time, he will be allowed. But you've lucked out for now, in that he still needs to establish paternity. Just know that the future depends a lot on how much you encourgage their relationship now.

 

[newbirth]

In response, dad does have private time w/ her. She is w/ him on the weekends ALONE! I'm not keeping her from him. The arguement w/ him I realized may be petty to some people, I am not wanting anyone to agree w/ my arguement either. He and I have discussed it and we are seeking a family mediator to assist us w/ a schedule. Just a little FYI to anyone it can help; in the state of Georgia a child born out of wedlock has to be legitimized through court before a the father has any rights. The law says that only the mother has custody and control over the child, meaning that the father has no right s to visit w/ the child w/out moms permission. Also , a name being listed on the birth certificate still does not give visitation or custody rights to the unwed father. So, my point being, I am giving him the right to establish a relationship w/ his daughter he has Sat. every other Sun.(overnights), and any time during the week @ my home or away for a few hours w/ him returning her the same night(during the week) due to the fact that he works days and I am at home during the day. So, thanks so much for everyones comments, sarcasm, and honesty. I come to know that this is no longer my battle, but the Lords. Men legitimate your children if you are unmarried, before you fight w/ your childs mom about visitation and /or custody. BE BLESSED and THANKS!!

 

[heavenscent]

I agree that you are being more than reasonable. Don't give up on what is in the best interest of your child. You seem to be a concerned mother who would move the sun for you child. Hang in there!

 

[misslawli]

Just a little FYI to anyone it can help; in the state of Georgia a child born out of wedlock has to be legitimized through court before a the father has any rights. The law says that only the mother has custody and control over the child, meaning that the father has no right s to visit w/ the child w/out moms permission. Also , a name being listed on the birth certificate still does not give visitation or custody rights to the unwed father.

***That is pretty much the norm all over the place NOT just Ga, with variances of cours, you were told something along those lines in the beginning of this thread. But as long as you now get it, thats OK.

Until such a time that there IS a finding of paternity and a custody/visitation order, however - she can do as she likes.

Legally, no you are not OBLIGATED to do this until court CO.

Yes, get a paternity establishment and custody visitation agreement set out in court,

He actually has no legal rights at all at this point because he has not established paternity or recieved visitation/custody orders.

If he doesn't like it, then he has the right to take it to court, establish paternity and child support, and ask for a visitation schedule..

Do I really need to go on? Just remember that you are both parents, He probably loves her just as much as you do. How would you feel if the situation were reversed. I know quite a few fathers that were unmarried and now have custody of thier young ( 1-2 yo) children. this is not to be rude or sacastic, just a different perspective. Good luck to both of you.

 

[LdiJ]

In response, dad does have private time w/ her. She is w/ him on the weekends ALONE! I'm not keeping her from him. The arguement w/ him I realized may be petty to some people, I am not wanting anyone to agree w/ my arguement either. He and I have discussed it and we are seeking a family mediator to assist us w/ a schedule. Just a little FYI to anyone it can help; in the state of Georgia a child born out of wedlock has to be legitimized through court before a the father has any rights. The law says that only the mother has custody and control over the child, meaning that the father has no right s to visit w/ the child w/out moms permission. Also , a name being listed on the birth certificate still does not give visitation or custody rights to the unwed father. So, my point being, I am giving him the right to establish a relationship w/ his daughter he has Sat. every other Sun.(overnights), and any time during the week @ my home or away for a few hours w/ him returning her the same night(during the week) due to the fact that he works days and I am at home during the day. So, thanks so much for everyones comments, sarcasm, and honesty. I come to know that this is no longer my battle, but the Lords. Men legitimate your children if you are unmarried, before you fight w/ your childs mom about visitation and /or custody. BE BLESSED and THANKS!!

I will reiterate on what I think was your primary issue...which I think got lost in the whole discussion.

The father was trying to make you believe that he automatically had the right to 50/50 time with the child, despite the fact that he has not established paternity. This is NOT correct. At this point you are in charge and you are obviously giving him parenting time that a COURT would consider to be reasonable. Therefore you are not going to damage yourself in court if you do not give him what he wants.

In my opinion, based on my own extensive observations, I do not believe that he has any hope of getting a court to order 50/50 time with a child that young if you do not agree....IN THE STATE OF GEORGIA. He may possibly be able to get more than one overnight a week, however I also think that is unlikely until she is a little bit older, not impossible, just unlikely. However, you also need to realize that if you work nights, and he works days, its very possible that a judge would eventually rule that he gets to have her on the nights that you work....depending on your living arrangements and your actual work schedule.

Therefore I believe that you are right to stick to your decision about what you feel is best for your child...at this time.

However, at the same time, (and what has cause the most criticism from some of the other posters) you are giving the impression that you don't realize that he is an equal parent, and equally important to your child. That impression COULD hurt you with mediators, evaluators or any other court helpers, as well as with the judge. So you really do need to rethink how you feel about that, and rethink how you express yourself. You clearly want him to be part of the child's life, and that is good, but you need to realize and truly understand that his is EQUALLY important.....whether he spends 50/50 time with the child or not.

You may already believe that he is equally important. If so, then you just need to learn to express yourself differently on the subject.