C/S? For what? Nothing?

[babydoll8fan]

What is the name of your state?Florida.
My husband has been divorced & paying c/s for his son many years. We have been married several years with 3 children of our own 10, 7 & 7 monthes. Shouldn't his C/S be decreased? He has more resposibilties here at home then with ex for his son not have anything to do with him. (Brain washed by her family he was told @ age 9 his last name was her maiden name by her dad) I say go to court make her make him see his father! I have records of cards & letters sent and all phone calls with no return call back every other sunday (our day to call) for the past 5 years. My husband say he doesn't want to make him come. We don't even know what happened or why he wanted to stop coming @ 9 yo. I say make him! He is 14 he knows better. Now If he still don't want to come and know his father by age 16 then Terminate Parental Rights. Why pay for something you can't enjoy! What do you suggest? I know I'm sick of the hurt my husband goes thru because of this and them!

 

[BethM]

My husband say he doesn't want to make him come. We don't even know what happened or why he wanted to stop coming @ 9 yo. I say make him! He is 14 he knows better. Now If he still don't want to come and know his father by age 16 then Terminate Parental Rights. Why pay for something you can't enjoy! What do you suggest? I know I'm sick of the hurt my husband goes thru because of this and them

Child support and visitation are two seperate matters. One does not depend on the other. Whether he sees his child or not he is still responsible financially.

I will let you in on a little secret, your husband isn't very hurt or who would have done what he needed to do to make sure he was a part of his child's life. Contempt of court for non-visitation to begin with. If your husband chooses to be passive in the life of his child that is no one's fault but his own. He has full control over whether or not his son spends time with him. Evidently if it hurt all that badly he would have done something about it years ago.

So, light a fire under his butt as far as using the court system to insure his visitation or learn to live with the situation.

 

[abstract99]

In all honesty... thechnically if it is in the divorce decree then it should be enforced... hubbie can file for contempt if not....

Now for a little advice from my personal experience...
- I have a 16 year old daughter who lives in NC..... I live in IL.
- I am allowed her entire summer vacation. I rerely do excercise the entire summer vacation. My daughter is at an age now where if I pull her away for the entire summer she will have no time to spend with her friends. I usually just take a month and stop by and visit whenever I am in town (I am from NC). I call her every 2 weeks or so to make sure that she is ok and that she knows that I love her.
- The child is at an age where "forcing" visitation would not be what is best for my daughter.... I love her to death but her happiness is more important to me than taking away her summer vacation. I usually plan a get away for a day or 2 where it is just us 2 so that we can talk and bond. This doesn't have to be something expensive.... I camping ttrip would probably be appropriat for Father and son.
- I reccomend that your husband do the same thing with his son. Have HIM call the mom and tell her that he will be exercising his right to visitation this summer. Start off small... Just schedule 2 weeks at a time so that son is more comfortable. Make sure that dad gets some alone time with his son. He sounds old enough to be able to get a good idea of what is going on and hopefully dad can calmly explain the situation to him. Make sure that he explains that he never abandoned him and that there are things at play here that he probably won't understand and he doesn't feel right putting him in the middle of it.
- Dad should ask son if he wants to spend more time there this summer and if so arange it.

Technically if he has in writing that he is to have the full suimmer break then he can take it however he wants. When dad calls mom make sure that he explains to her that HE WILL be taking the summer vacation and she cannot refuse him. He more than likely has to contact her within 30 days so I would make sure that he gets going really soon. Everything should be sent certified mail, return receipt requested. If mom refuses then file for contempt.

This, of corse, is just an example... I have no idea what your parenting plan says so I can only give you an example. Make sure that you stay out of this by all means possible.... You should not be calling mom at any time. I wish you both the best of luck... If you have any other questions feel free to ask.

 

[stealth2]

Most states do not lower a support obligation when a paying parent chooses to have more children. Just as the bank will not lower your mortgage payment 'cause you decided to have another kid, the court will not lower the support payment. You also have the obligation to help support the children you hve with him.

As for visitation - your husband has noone to blame but himself for not enforcing his ordered visitation. And that has nothing to do with the support.

 

[haiku]

you really cannot blame the child, the child has no control over thier parents choices, and at 14 he si still a product of those choices.

one parent will not promote the relationship with the other, and the other parent will not pursue thier legal right to a relationship with the child.

You answered your own question when you stated that your husband has no desire to enforce his legal right to visitation.

if after he is aware he has legal enforceable rights he still does not want them,you cannot do it for him, and the resentment will eat you alive if you don't accept that.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I have no idea why anyone is wasting time on this thread.

It's very simple.

1. It's NONE of your business.

2. As long as the court order says he pays, he pays.

3. you married him knowing full well his legal obligations.

4. Once the child turns 18 or the Judge Releases your hubby from his legal obligation he pays. And the ONLY way you can be released to have more money for your three rugrats is to divorce him.

 

[BL]

Posters seem to think that if they have not visited with their children , know where they are , but choose not to enforce their rights , and they owe child support , ( IF ) the child does not visit they can terminate their Parental rights and NOT pay Child Support Payments for the Child .

FALSE !!!!

In these circumstances the Parent will still owe Child Support .

Also I doubt any Court will hold Mom in contempt . The Father HAS NOT shown any Legal attempt or Demand to Enforce or exercise his rights .

The Father Does NEED to take some Legal Action though to re-establish visitations/relationship with his child , IF he wants to.

Either way he pays child support .

 

[babydoll8fan]

I had questions and they were answered Thanks to all except
BELIZEBREEZE I never said I wanted more money for my children FYI mister I make 5x the amount my husband does I take care of my own! I would take his son too in a minute!!!! I do not have rugrats!!!! God takes care of people like you!!!! Beware!!!! My opinion is-- I think that if his son don't want to see his father he shouldn't have to pay period!!!! That goes for any and everyone in the same boat!!!!!

 

[brisgirl825]

I had questions and they were answered Thanks to all except
BELIZEBREEZE I never said I wanted more money for my children FYI mister I make 5x the amount my husband does I take care of my own! I would take his son too in a minute!!!! I do not have rugrats!!!! God takes care of people like you!!!! Beware!!!! My opinion is-- I think that if his son don't want to see his father he shouldn't have to pay period!!!! That goes for any and everyone in the same boat!!!!!

Fortunately, your opinion doesn't matter. If your husband had taken this to court years ago, he wouldn't be paying for a son that he doesn't see. Child support is not a payment for seeing the child, it's to pay for their support. If not seeing a child got NCPs put of support, they'd all just stop seeing their children.

By the way, your God doesn't take care of poeple who advise people of man's laws. Your God takes care of people who neglect their children. Read up sister.

Sarah

 

[djohnson]

I agree, visitation and support are two different issues. He chose to have a child with this woman and is responsible no matter if he utilizes his visitation or not. It's his fault if he has court ordered visitation and doesn't see his son. You knew of his obligation when you had more children so it will not make a difference except his child support may go up if he makes more now than when it was ordered.

On a personal note. When my SS got in those teen years when he wanted to start using his weekends to date and hang out with the guys and dad felt bad telling him no as we all remember what those years mean to us so he let go and didn't the time either. But what we done was instead of forcing or just giving up we tried to figure out the best thing to do. We knew how much the guys liked to hang out at the race track and how much they were 'into it'. So my husband told son that he would buy one. A fixer upper and let him race it. The only catch is that dad won't fix it up alone, son has to be here too. It not only brought my SS over a lot more than ever, it taught him something useful, it gave him a past time to do on weekends instead of getting in trouble, but also brought all his friends with him. So now instead of him coming over on weekends and occasionally during the week. He is over 3-4 times during the week and every weekend along with his friends. I figure as long as they are at my house they are safe and it is given dad what he wanted back. You have to find the best way to handle it. Sometimes forcing can only cause resentment.

 

[username43]

You make me furious!!!No wonder the 14 yr old isn't coming around .Look in
the mirror , You probable complained about his mother or whined about the child support when he was around.
It is not the resposibility of the child to make a relationship work. Kids are responders not usually initiators.GROW UP!

 

[AHA]

I had questions and they were answered Thanks to all except
BELIZEBREEZE I never said I wanted more money for my children FYI mister I make 5x the amount my husband does I take care of my own! I would take his son too in a minute!!!! I do not have rugrats!!!! God takes care of people like you!!!! Beware!!!! My opinion is-- I think that if his son don't want to see his father he shouldn't have to pay period!!!! That goes for any and everyone in the same boat!!!!!

Suuuuuuure, I can bet my right arm you would NEVER apply that kind of thinking if it was you who was divorced from this irresponsible man and his third wife was screaming about him not having to pay for your kids.
The primary trait in a person who is a parent should NOT be selfishness and money based.
Of course the 14 year old isn't going to come running into his father's arms, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HIS FATHER BECAUSE FATHER DIDN'T DO EVERYTHING HE COULD, MANY YEARS AGO, TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SON!!!It's pretty much too late now.
Besides, if you claim to earn so much money, why is your hubby's cs payments such a strain on the family economy? Why doesn't hubby go out and get a better or a second job?
Until you have sorted out your finances, I would suggest stop having kid after kid after kid after kid, you humans, not rabbits that can live in a hole in the ground and eat leaves.
Please be considerate to his son who never asked to be born or be seen as nothing but an expense(he was there before you entered his dad's life).

 

[abstract99]

Ok Ok OK... she now knows what needs to be done so I hope she will do it. The small window of opportunity that your husband has to have a relationship with his son is getting smaller and smaller by the second.