calling another man daddy?

[lily2467]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? new jersey

this came up in another thread and i didn't want to hijack it. i've mentioned before that my stepsons call thier mothers boyfriend daddy and sometimes daddy hisname. my husband has talked to thier mother about this and she just says oh well they just started calling him that on their own. now we were told before by someone who used to babysit the kids that he would tell them to call him daddy. he talked to thier mother again and she blew it off.

last weekend we were driving in the car with the boys and they said something about daddy doing something. my husband was like, "no i didn't", his son said, "no, not you daddy hisname". my husband said, "he's not your daddy, he's hisname". and his son said, "well we're not allowed to call him hisname". he asked him who said that and he said her boyfriend did. he hasn't had a chance to talk to her again, and i'm not sure it would do any good.

he did meet with a lawyer a few weeks ago. in the last court order it says that "custody shall revert to joint between mom & dad at the end of the school year." the lawyer said that since my husband had legal and physical custody at the time it refers to joint legal custody. he said that for there to be a change in custody she would have to go into court and file for physical custody. the lawyer told him basically if it ain't broke don't fix it and to just leave it the way it is. so at this point he doesn't really want to rock the boat. but, could the kids calling her boyfriend something he would be able to bring up should she try and file for phsyical custody?

also, i've read on here that in some states the ncp can pay child support. i'm not sure of the proper wording. but, i'm wondering if new jersey was one of those states, or if the person who was the ncp would automatically be the one paying support?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? new jersey

this came up in another thread and i didn't want to hijack it. i've mentioned before that my stepsons call thier mothers boyfriend daddy and sometimes daddy hisname. my husband has talked to thier mother about this and she just says oh well they just started calling him that on their own. now we were told before by someone who used to babysit the kids that he would tell them to call him daddy. he talked to thier mother again and she blew it off.

last weekend we were driving in the car with the boys and they said something about daddy doing something. my husband was like, "no i didn't", his son said, "no, not you daddy hisname". my husband said, "he's not your daddy, he's hisname". and his son said, "well we're not allowed to call him hisname". he asked him who said that and he said her boyfriend did. he hasn't had a chance to talk to her again, and i'm not sure it would do any good.

he did meet with a lawyer a few weeks ago. in the last court order it says that "custody shall revert to joint between mom & dad at the end of the school year." the lawyer said that since my husband had legal and physical custody at the time it refers to joint legal custody. he said that for there to be a change in custody she would have to go into court and file for physical custody. the lawyer told him basically if it ain't broke don't fix it and to just leave it the way it is. so at this point he doesn't really want to rock the boat. but, could the kids calling her boyfriend something he would be able to bring up should she try and file for phsyical custody?

also, i've read on here that in some states the ncp can pay child support. i'm not sure of the proper wording. but, i'm wondering if new jersey was one of those states, or if the person who was the ncp would automatically be the one paying support?

I'd say that would be petty on Dad's part ~ he knows who he is. But then, that's just me.

 

[Humusluvr]

I'd say that would be petty on Dad's part ~ he knows who he is. But then, that's just me.

I would say just the opposite - its manipulative and detrimental to the children on mom's part to force the kids to call her dude "dad." The kids were told specifically the COULD NOT call the dude his real name. That creates such conflict in the kids because the have a dad, the REAL DAD, in their lives.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Can dad file for a modification of custody based on the parental alienation mom is trying to inflict?
Also, how would you prove in court that this is happening? Mom can deny, stepdad can deny.

 

[Isis1]

Can dad file for a modification of custody based on the parental alienation mom is trying to inflict?
Also, how would you prove in court that this is happening? Mom can deny, stepdad can deny.

the first step would be to get a court order refraining mom from allowing the children to refer to the BUD as daddy.

what's wrong with calling the BUD Mr.whathislastname?

 

[Antigone*]

I would say just the opposite - its manipulative and detrimental to the children on mom's part to force the kids to call her dude "dad." The kids were told specifically the COULD NOT call the dude his real name. That creates such conflict in the kids because the have a dad, the REAL DAD, in their lives.

Let me just explain that comment a little bit. Dad needs more than "the kids say they have to call this guy dad." That alone isn't enough to sway judgement one way or another. That may get mom a stern warning about that kind of behaviour if this hasn't come up before, but this reason alone isn't enough to accomplish much.

 

[kimberlywrites]

How do you PROVE such allegations without dragging the kids into it?

 

[Ohiogal]

How do you PROVE such allegations without dragging the kids into it?

Guardian ad litem. AND I have noticed that people that have the children refer to their BUDs as mommy or daddy usually are PROUD to spill that out to the GAL.

Many judges will automatically put that sort of thing directly into an order -- only mom and dad can be called Mom or Dad -- if one party requests it.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Guardian ad litem. AND I have noticed that people that have the children refer to their BUDs as mommy or daddy usually are PROUD to spill that out to the GAL.

Many judges will automatically put that sort of thing directly into an order -- only mom and dad can be called Mom or Dad -- if one party requests it.

Awesome! (I tried to post this but it said my comment was too short, and needed to be at least 10 characters. So now it should work.

 

[truebluemd]

dad should talk to the kids to and he can do it without upsetting them. My son is only 2 and I was able to explain to him. He only calls the girlfriend by her name.

 

[LdiJ]

Guardian ad litem. AND I have noticed that people that have the children refer to their BUDs as mommy or daddy usually are PROUD to spill that out to the GAL.

Many judges will automatically put that sort of thing directly into an order -- only mom and dad can be called Mom or Dad -- if one party requests it.

I agree...I have seen that many times.

In my opinion, the only time it is acceptable for a child to call a stepparent mommy or daddy is if their actual parent is completely out of the picture. Otherwise its insulting and disrespectful to the child's actual parent.

 

[BL]

I went to visit my children once with my mother ( the children's grandmother ) , at their home .

My grown son now was maybe 10 at the time . We got ready to leave and he came running to the car and said we love you daddy .Mom tells us to call ( the BF ) Dad ,but we know who are real dad is .

This was after a prior one that they were told to call Dad . I told them ,I'm your real Dad and don't ever forget it .

All these guys were abusers , one even abusing Jr.

So for the bed buddies , yeah the record should be set straight.

 

[Humusluvr]

I agree...I have seen that many times.

In my opinion, the only time it is acceptable for a child to call a stepparent mommy or daddy is if their actual parent is completely out of the picture. Otherwise its insulting and disrespectful to the child's actual parent.

The problem with that is that there are plenty of parents who WISH their ex were out of the picture, so they try to create this new sense of "family." Sometimes multiple times with boyfriends, buddies, fiances, or steps.

I can see how this can be so conflicting to kids, when they are made to call mom's partner "Pat," but she has a new kid with Pat who calls Pat, "dad." Kid doesn't want to be different.

I dont' think that the child should call anyone dad or mom unless they have been adopted, or their parent passes away. Otherwise they should call them by their name or a special name.

Blended families are tough, but so are the times. I don't look forward to the questions from my kiddo one day, but I'm prepping myself for them. Better safe than sorry.

 

[Rushia]

I agree...I have seen that many times.

In my opinion, the only time it is acceptable for a child to call a stepparent mommy or daddy is if their actual parent is completely out of the picture. Otherwise its insulting and disrespectful to the child's actual parent.

I'm of the other opinion. If both parents are secure in the knowledge that they are the parent and both parents agree, how is it disrespectful? My children call their stepmother "Mom" and their stepfather "Dad". My ex and I are honored that our children feel this way about their steps and have no issue with it. Even when I talk to my children about their stepmother, I refer to her as "Mom" and ex calls my DH "Dad". It's all about being a grown up about the situation and looking out for what is best for the child.

However, I do agree that if one parent isn't comfortable with it, then it shouldn't be done.

 

[fairisfair]

I'm of the other opinion. If both parents are secure in the knowledge that they are the parent and both parents agree, how is it disrespectful? My children call their stepmother "Mom" and their stepfather "Dad". My ex and I are honored that our children feel this way about their steps and have no issue with it. Even when I talk to my children about their stepmother, I refer to her as "Mom" and ex calls my DH "Dad". It's all about being a grown up about the situation and looking out for what is best for the child.

However, I do agree that if one parent isn't comfortable with it, then it shouldn't be done.

Geez Russia.... that is WAY too sensible and WAY too adult.