Can 16 daughter move to FL to live with mom?

[cookeee57]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Colorado
My husband and I have been raising his two kids, 16 and 15. Husband has been custodial parent since mom left in 1992.
We married over 3 years ago.
Mom moved to Miami, FL shortly before we married. She lost her job a year ago, but has a wealthy boyfriend.
Sixteen year old daughter is insisting on moving in with mom, who rarely saw the kids until they became teens. She sees them for a few weeks over summer, and some school breaks.
Daughter went to visit mom over fall break (October) for almost a week and mom had her working in a restauant as a bus girl the whole time. Daughter got to stay out till 2 or 3 in the am with the guys from the restaurant.
Daughter met her boyfriend over thanksgiving holiday visit to Miami. She told us he was 18 and in high school, living in an apartment with a bunch of guys and working in a restaurant. That didn't sound right to me.
Daughter and her brother visited mom over Christmas break and when they arrived home, I asked her about her boyfriend. She was vague but gave me a name.
I checked his name online for criminal records and was surprised to see him come up on five separate incidents. Plus he is 21. I called the guys' cell phone number (it was listed on my cell bill) and he told me his name and birthday, thinking I was someone else.

Since she lied, I took her cell phone away for two weeks. Now she says she is going to live with mom in FL and we can't do anything to stop her. Is she right? We provide her with her own car, cell phone, loving home, etc.
Mom says her boyfriend seems like a nice guy to her and she has no problem with daughter seeing him. Mom says she has rules but we have seen no evidence of that.

I am worried to death, especially since one of the charges was for battery on an ex-girlfriend. Daughter says the ex-girlfriend is crazy and filed a false report. Plus Miami isn't the best place for a teenage girl. She will be a senior next year, but doesn't turn 18 until the following fall. She is doing great in school right now.
What can we do to keep her safe?

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Judges often see the grass is greener theory when it comes to a child testifying I would keep all the evidence about the boyfriend and present it only if necessary and remember mom has to file to change the custody if she is really doing well and been normal hopefully the judge will see that it remains in her best interest to stay put but maybe you could offer a longer summer break or invite the boyfriend up b/c if you don't give in the daughter may make you pay so try to bridge the gap if you can. Good Luck

 

[cookeee57]

We don't feel that a 21 year old is someone she should be dating. This is her first boyfriend. Plus the criminal record? That is too dangerous to invite him up here. Can't we tell him to stay away from our daughter legally?
I am keeping notes on what has been going on.
We are trying to work with her. That was why we got her a car, phone, new bed she wanted, computer, etc.

 

[Ambr]

From personal experience, I always liked the ones that mom and dad told me to stay away from. My mother use to make jokes that she should start liking the guy, just so I wouldn't be interested. In all honesty, she is 17 (think I followed that one) and the more you push him away the harder she will fight to hang on to him.

You mentioned that he has a criminal record, are we talking growing up, kids get stupid kind of stuff or has she hooked up with a real bum?

Although you are providing everything for the daughter, it almost sounds like you are trying to bribe her (please take that in the good way.....I don't mean it offensively). You might get further with the daughter, if you invite the boyfriend up. Hook him up on a couch, with other family, or in a hotel. Get to know him, not a paper report.

By doing that, you get several things accomplished.
(1) you show a good faith effort to the daughter, you are trying to work with her.
(2) you get to meet him and actually see what she has gotten into

Plus it would make it easier to encourage her to stay in school - her last year, where she is. Long distance relationship for right now. When she is 18, let her make the decision then. It might be that the ex was bitter and just trying to cause him problems when she filed. But until you meet him, you won't know.

 

[stealth2]

Legally, only Dad has the right to do these things. If kiddo goes to FL and refuses to return, Dad can file contempt against Mom. Dad can file for a restraining order against the b/f.

 

[Ambr]

Would a restraining order really do any good?

Dad is in Colorado. Mom is in Florida.

Wouldn't the restraining order be broken when she voluntarily went around the BF? Plus, mom doesn't have a problem with BF being around. So odds would be good that Mom wouldn't enforce it. Would be hard for dad to do that in CO.

 

[cookeee57]

Daughter is 16. She is young for her grade in school. Boyfriend's record is since he turned 18, including the battery from October 2004. Also has disorderly conduct, probation violation (got 6 mos. probation) (Don't know what he was on probation for), criminal mischief over $1000, malicious destruction of property and possession of marijuana. All incidents were separate times.

Don't think a 16 year old should be seeing 21 year old. All the charges looks like he has been in trouble for quite a while. Right now, she only visits her mom occasionally and for a few weeks in the summer. We would like to keep it that way. Mom doesn't pay for the plane fare anyway.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Well I can tell you from experience in South FL that legally (like Stat. Rape) you got nothin. My sister was 15 and the guy that she was dating was 27 not a damn thing the cops or anyone could do about it LEGALLY. As for what did happen I attribute fate and louisville sluggers Anyway though saying no makes him all the more enticing. Trust the child you helped to raise but control it. Bring the punk up there, which shows good faith, besides that guy won't look daddy in the eye then he looks like the pr*ck to your SD for not wanting to see her. Not only that you have shown support to your SD and her choices. Also maybe the household could lighten up the NO DATING rule to include peers her age. But the more you try to control the more she will become uncontrollable.

 

[cookeee57]

Sorry, didn't mean to say there was a "no dating" rule in place. We just think 21 is too old for her. She has been allowed to date since turning 16 and went to school formals when she was a freshman in high school.
This guy has no money, so even if we invited him, there is no way he would come.
We tried to let it take it's course and hopefully wain, but she wanted to go visit mom, actually boyfriend, for a long weekend. That is why it was even brought up again.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Sorry, didn't mean to say there was a "no dating" rule in place. We just think 21 is too old for her. She has been allowed to date since turning 16 and went to school formals when she was a freshman in high school.
This guy has no money, so even if we invited him, there is no way he would come.
We tried to let it take it's course and hopefully wain, but she wanted to go visit mom, actually boyfriend, for a long weekend. That is why it was even brought up again.

Like I said make the offer and he won't come yet expects her to travel all over you look supportive and he looks like an @ss. I agree that 21 is way to old and it makes me wonder what is wrong with him. When I was 21 I didn't wan't anything to do with a highschool kid. But the more you push she will push back.