Can I do this? Visitation question.

[gcharlesd]

Can I still see my kids? NY visitation question

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?I live in New York State.

Back in January of this year, 2004, my ex wife met a new guy that she is now remarried to. In January, she had asked me if her new husband can adopt my two children. I agreed, because of the situation at the time. It has been 9 months now since I have seen them, and the adoption has not gone through yet. She does have a downpayment on it, and has paid all the fees, I have proof of this.

Just recently she took me back to court for more money for the children. I pay $100 a week for the two of them, plus I am paying $25 a week for childcare costs. It is taken right out of my check, and I am not behind on payments. I believe that she is not going to finish the adoption any time soon.

As the court is concerned right now, I still have visitation for every other weekend. It has not been changed. I did write a letter to the court over another matter, and told them that I had agreed it would be best not to see the children if they are being adopted. I want to ask my ex to start seeing my kids again, if the adoption is not going through. I do want to see them anyway, I have missed them everyday. I haven't seen them since the first week in January. If I call her and ask her to see the kids again, and I still have a court order to see them, do I have a leg to stand on? I know that she will say no, she is one of those people that likes to be in control of everything. She had the kids calling me by my first name, and the new guy Daddy, 2 weeks after she met him. If I start seeing them again, I know she will try to get it so I can't see them. But I have nothing that can be used against me to prove I'm a "bad father" I have a son of my own that I've had since he was born.

Basically, even though I wrote a letter to the court that I agreed to not see them, but it was never taken to court, can she still be in violation of the visitation court order? I don't want to be a pest about it, but when I ask to see them and am denied, can she get into trouble then? I don't want to start trouble, I just want to see my kids again. Any advice you can give would help. Thank you very much.

 

[BL]

Your letter to the court could have been put in the file,but it has no legal standing.

Any current orders remain in full force and effect. You have chosen not to utilize them.

If you demand your visitation rights,and she refuses,you will have to file a contempt Petition to enforce your rights.

The court is going to wonder why both adults are subjecting your children to this psychological confusion and non - sense , and won't be pleased. You better be prepared to withdraw the adoption process and start be a DAD , or leave it alone .

 

[glowgirl]

I would have to agree to the last comment made. I don't understand why you want to see the children if there is no adoption happening but don't if there is as so not to confuse things. It just doesn't seem to make sense. Is this a retailiation thing becuase you are still paying to see the children?

 

[gcharlesd]

Oh no, that isn't it at all. like I said, I don't want to start trouble. I do want to see my kids, I always have. I'm not like that. I do have custody of my son and have since he was born, he's 8 now, and he's the joy of my life. I don't want to confuse them, and if I do see them again, I will keep seeing them. I don't mind paying for them, or supplying transportation. I have no problems with that at all. I even sent her extra money for my daughter who started school this year, to help out with school. I just think that money doesn't make someone a father, there needs to be more there. You know? I'm sorry this came out the way it did, I didn't mean it like that. Thank you for the advice though, I appreciate it.

 

[nextwife]

I would have to agree to the last comment made. I don't understand why you want to see the children if there is no adoption happening but don't if there is as so not to confuse things. It just doesn't seem to make sense. Is this a retailiation thing becuase you are still paying to see the children?

Well, I know many adoptive families who have "open adoptions" with the child's biomom/bioparents. Those biparents/biomoms felt adoption was in their child's best interests but STILL wished to have visits with their child.

It's not THAT unusual for a parent who consented to adoptive to still wish to have visits with the child.

 

[glowgirl]

I appologize, I misunderstood and thought that the OP was saying that he basically was waiting for the adoption to happen so he would stop paying support and stop seeing the children but if the adoption wasn't going to happen he was still happy to pay support and see the children. My comment was made based on that misunderstanding and I am sorry.