Can I terminate my daughter's bio father's rights? I'm in Oregon.

[Proserpina]

I basically just want to know if I am legally able to go through a second parent adoption or something like that for him to adopt her. Her bio dad would sign the papers if it came down to it but, it simpler if he doesn't have to. I just didn't know if that was possible since we aren't married. She does not remember her bio dad. My boyfriend is the only father she knows. I see you don't agree but her bio dad made this choice on his own and as long as he doesn't have to put out money, he'd be happy to be permanently done with her legally.

Your boyfriend is neither a stepparent nor a second parent.

So the answer is "no".

Get married, stay married, and THEN do a stepparent adoption.

And please - don't lie to the child. Make sure she knows her heritage.

 

[LdiJ]

So, in other words, you carefully manipulated your way around the law by failing to identify the known father on the birth certificate and forcing him to have to establish paternity in order to assert his parental rights?

I don't care HOW glad you are. You were required to name the father if you knew who that was. Now you are trying to cheat Dad out of any possibility of having any father's rights without even notifying him or giving him an opportunity to give up those rights voluntarily.

I can't see ANYONE trying to help you to defraud the courts any further by doing what you are doing. This child deserves better than that from you, and so does bio dad.

Just as an FYI, she was NOT able to put him on the birth certificate if he wasn't at the hospital to sign the acknowledgement of paternity. Therefore there was no manipulation on her part there...and no, she not only was not required to name the father, but by law was not allowed to do so on the paperwork if he was not there to sign the acknowledgement of paternity.

In addition, she clearly stated in all her posts that he wanted nothing to do with the child. Therefore its pretty clear that it was all voluntary on his part. Since he is not on the birth certificate, and has made no effort to establish paternity, that counts as abandonment under state law, which is why she was able to change the child's last name without notifying him.

Now...

Changing the child's last name to her boyfriend's was extremely foolish on her part. If they break up, the child is going to have the last name of someone that has no connection to her...which means she will probably change the child's last name once again. That should have waited until they were married for several years and he was legally able to adopt her.

No fraud happened here...and I would hate for other people reading the thread to misunderstand how the law works. There was foolishness in my opinion, but no fraud.

 

[mistoffolees]

I basically just want to know if I am legally able to go through a second parent adoption or something like that for him to adopt her. Her bio dad would sign the papers if it came down to it but, it simpler if he doesn't have to. I just didn't know if that was possible since we aren't married. She does not remember her bio dad. My boyfriend is the only father she knows. I see you don't agree but her bio dad made this choice on his own and as long as he doesn't have to put out money, he'd be happy to be permanently done with her legally.

You need an attorney.

Now, if the biological father will sign the papers, it makes the entire process much easier, but you still want an attorney. It's really easy to mess up an adoption and create a lifetime of problems if it's not handled precisely.

So get an attorney and tell him the situation. If Dad signs, it's easy. If Dad refuses to sign, it's much harder (maybe impossible).

 

[aleasha8502]

Just as an FYI, she was NOT able to put him on the birth certificate if he wasn't at the hospital to sign the acknowledgement of paternity. Therefore there was no manipulation on her part there...and no, she not only was not required to name the father, but by law was not allowed to do so on the paperwork if he was not there to sign the acknowledgement of paternity.

In addition, she clearly stated in all her posts that he wanted nothing to do with the child. Therefore its pretty clear that it was all voluntary on his part. Since he is not on the birth certificate, and has made no effort to establish paternity, that counts as abandonment under state law, which is why she was able to change the child's last name without notifying him.

Now...

Changing the child's last name to her boyfriend's was extremely foolish on her part. If they break up, the child is going to have the last name of someone that has no connection to her...which means she will probably change the child's last name once again. That should have waited until they were married for several years and he was legally able to adopt her.

No fraud happened here...and I would hate for other people reading the thread to misunderstand how the law works. There was foolishness in my opinion, but no fraud.

I chose for her to have his last name so they will have a connection until he can legally adopt her. He has chosen to be her dad. It's just not legal yet and if something happens down the road and we split, he will still be there as her dad for her. It would be better for all involved if he can legally adopt her. You seem to know a bit more about the situation than the others who responded. Are there any options for us without getting married? Any form of adoption or even just a way to make him a legal guardian with me? I have done some research and it seems like we qualify for second parent adoption. If I am required to notify her bio dad even though like you said he has abandoned her, I have no problems doing so.

 

[Silverplum]

I chose for her to have his last name so they will have a connection until he can legally adopt her. He has chosen to be her dad. It's just not legal yet and if something happens down the road and we split, he will still be there as her dad for her. It would be better for all involved if he can legally adopt her. You seem to know a bit more about the situation than the others who responded. Are there any options for us without getting married? Any form of adoption or even just a way to make him a legal guardian with me? I have done some research and it seems like we qualify for second parent adoption. If I am required to notify her bio dad even though like you said he has abandoned her, I have no problems doing so.

RE the bolded: Likely you think that because you were given a hand to hold.

Good luck with that.

Regardless of how compelling the poster's "story," we ALWAYS advise posters to hire an attorney for an adoption. We ALWAYS state that adoption is NOT a do-it-yourself project.

 

[mistoffolees]

I chose for her to have his last name so they will have a connection until he can legally adopt her. He has chosen to be her dad. It's just not legal yet and if something happens down the road and we split, he will still be there as her dad for her. It would be better for all involved if he can legally adopt her. You seem to know a bit more about the situation than the others who responded. Are there any options for us without getting married? Any form of adoption or even just a way to make him a legal guardian with me? I have done some research and it seems like we qualify for second parent adoption. If I am required to notify her bio dad even though like you said he has abandoned her, I have no problems doing so.

Just be aware that if you and the new guy split, that HE could be the one who receives custody and you could be paying child support to him. Or he could be paying child support to you if you get primary custody. Make sure that everyone understands the consequences.

As for the rest, you really need to see an attorney. It is not a DIY project.

 

[aleasha8502]

Just be aware that if you and the new guy split, that HE could be the one who receives custody and you could be paying child support to him. Or he could be paying child support to you if you get primary custody. Make sure that everyone understands the consequences.

As for the rest, you really need to see an attorney. It is not a DIY project.

Ok, I'm understanding that. Off the adoption topic, is abandonment a legal term that can be put in an order that would sever his rights to show back up later on and try to pop back in. As of now, he doesn't want anything to do with her. But, let's say later down the road, he decides he made a huge mistake and wants in on his kids life. At this point, she has no clue who he is and I don't want him to confuse and upset her calm, steady, life that I've worked hard to achieve for her. Or, is there something I can do that would prevent that from happening? Would paternity have to be established before rights can be taken?

 

[stealth2]

Ok, I'm understanding that. Off the adoption topic, is abandonment a legal term that can be put in an order that would sever his rights to show back up later on and try to pop back in. As of now, he doesn't want anything to do with her. But, let's say later down the road, he decides he made a huge mistake and wants in on his kids life. At this point, she has no clue who he is and I don't want him to confuse and upset her calm, steady, life that I've worked hard to achieve for her. Or, is there something I can do that would prevent that from happening? Would paternity have to be established before rights can be taken?

He can change his mind pretty much until she's 18. She doesn't know who he is because you have actively made sure she has no idea that your b/f is not her Dad.

How do you plan to explain to her if there is a medical need and she finds out that the man she knows as Daddy... isn't? How will you explain to her that you lied to her over her entire life?

 

[aleasha8502]

He can change his mind pretty much until she's 18. She doesn't know who he is because you have actively made sure she has no idea that your b/f is not her Dad.

How do you plan to explain to her if there is a medical need and she finds out that the man she knows as Daddy... isn't? How will you explain to her that you lied to her over her entire life?

I have considered this. And at her age, she would not understand that she has a bio daddy but he doesn't live here and doesn't want to see her. At 4 years old she would not get that. And at any age, it would hurt to know that her bio dad didn't want her. My best friend was in my daughter's shoes. She believed her step dad was her step dad until she was 7 years old when her mom told her the truth about her real dad and she was hurt and confused. I asked her as an adult looking back, how she thinks her mom should have handled the situation. She said that she wishes her mom had never told her the truth because otherwise she would have never gone looking for her real and found out that even 20 years later, he still didnt want her. Her step dad is her 'real' dad in her eyes. I know that every situation is different. I have a box of pictures and information about my ex. It's locked up and one day I will decide if she would benefit from knowing or if it would hurt more.

 

[Silverplum]

I have considered this. And at her age, she would not understand that she has a bio daddy but he doesn't live here and doesn't want to see her. At 4 years old she would not get that. And at any age, it would hurt to know that her bio dad didn't want her. My best friend was in my daughter's shoes. She believed her step dad was her step dad until she was 7 years old when her mom told her the truth about her real dad and she was hurt and confused. I asked her as an adult looking back, how she thinks her mom should have handled the situation. She said that she wishes her mom had never told her the truth because otherwise she would have never gone looking for her real and found out that even 20 years later, he still didnt want her. Her step dad is her 'real' dad in her eyes. I know that every situation is different. I have a box of pictures and information about my ex. It's locked up and one day I will decide if she would benefit from knowing or if it would hurt more.

Did you only do a local newspaper notification?

 

[stealth2]

I have considered this. And at her age, she would not understand that she has a bio daddy but he doesn't live here and doesn't want to see her. At 4 years old she would not get that. And at any age, it would hurt to know that her bio dad didn't want her. My best friend was in my daughter's shoes. She believed her step dad was her step dad until she was 7 years old when her mom told her the truth about her real dad and she was hurt and confused. I asked her as an adult looking back, how she thinks her mom should have handled the situation. She said that she wishes her mom had never told her the truth because otherwise she would have never gone looking for her real and found out that even 20 years later, he still didnt want her. Her step dad is her 'real' dad in her eyes. I know that every situation is different. I have a box of pictures and information about my ex. It's locked up and one day I will decide if she would benefit from knowing or if it would hurt more.

Interesting... My neighbors have three children - 6, 4, 3. The two younger ones each adopted at 18mos - 2yrs. And all three children have known the truth of their parentage from Day One. It hasn't resulted in any confusion.

So... did you ask your friend how she would feel if there was a medical emergency that required some sort of donation (blood, organ, whatever) and she found out that way that he wasn't her Dad? Or wonder why he wouldn't even consider stepping up to the plate? Suppose it was her own child needing lifesaving intervention? And the only option left to try was her father? How forgiving would she be if precious time was lost, or if the child was lost, while trying to deal with that situation. It happens.

I'm sorry. But lying to your child about something this big? Is repugnant. <spit>

 

[aleasha8502]

Did you only do a local newspaper notification?

For what notification?

 

[Ohiogal]

I have considered this. And at her age, she would not understand that she has a bio daddy but he doesn't live here and doesn't want to see her. At 4 years old she would not get that. And at any age, it would hurt to know that her bio dad didn't want her. My best friend was in my daughter's shoes. She believed her step dad was her step dad until she was 7 years old when her mom told her the truth about her real dad and she was hurt and confused. I asked her as an adult looking back, how she thinks her mom should have handled the situation. She said that she wishes her mom had never told her the truth because otherwise she would have never gone looking for her real and found out that even 20 years later, he still didnt want her. Her step dad is her 'real' dad in her eyes. I know that every situation is different. I have a box of pictures and information about my ex. It's locked up and one day I will decide if she would benefit from knowing or if it would hurt more.

Bull. Bull. Bull. Bull. Bull. Bull. At 4 years old she could understand it if you wanted to explain it. Your friend may have been more hurt to discover her mother was a big fat liar for the first seven years of her life more than anything else. But make excuses. Continue being a big fat liar.

 

[Ohiogal]

For what notification?

The name change.

 

[aleasha8502]

The name change.

I wasn't required to do any newspaper posting. I signed an affadavit that stated that he has not supported her in more than a year, has not had contact in more than a year, is not listed on her birth certificate, and paternity has never been established nor is there a pending proceeding to establish paternity.