Can Temporary Orders be extended?

[casa]

When you learn to do the splits, it's not so comfortable or fun stretching out each day until you do it. But once you're there, it's easy. This little boy is in the stretching phase. He will be fine one he's "there" and used to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Johnson,

"University of Iowa law professor Margaret Brinig and Stephen Nock, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, found that in two-thirds of divorce cases women file to terminate the marriage. And in another report to be published by Cambridge University Press this year as part of a book by Robert Rowthorn and Antony Dnes, Divorce and Marriage: An Economic Perspective, Brinig and Nock found that men tend to suffer from postdivorce depression much more than their former wives. They also have a much higher suicide rate in such circumstances."

Yet,
"WHO ARE THE PARENTS SEEKING JOINT CUSTODY?

76% are individual parents who did not initiate nor seek divorce."

So you think most "other parents" don't want to be parents?

Newsflash~ Having seen waaaaaaaaaay too many fathers complaining about custody/visitation in court, I'll say this: If you ask them straight out "WHY did you not file?" they will say "I don't know", or "I was stupid", or "I regret not doing so", or "I didn't know what to do". What you fail to mention when you cite ONE study re; post-divorce families, is a high percentage of fathers don't file for custody because they do not want to 'deal' with court &/or child support issues. (same goes to con-custodial Mothers for that matter!)

My nuttyX didn't want a divorce either, why would he? He was happy with the dysfunction. I chose a better life for my children. He didn't file for divorce, I did- after waiting and waiting and waiting for him to agree to a child support amount. He refused because as long as it wasn't in court he wouldn't be responsible. Point is: There are 2 sides to every story...and your posts are very very very one-sided. I thought you could use some input from the other side.

Read this forum- Read the posts about fathers who have done nothing to contact their children, Nothing to enforce their Rights of custody/visitation...yet complain about the 'system'. Of course your view is biased towards fathers because that is the Rights group to which you belong...If you belonged to a group for Mothers who don't get child support you'd have that belief...If you belonged to a group for abused wives/children you'd have that belief.

I support fathers as well as mothers- I socialize with many custodial fathers in CA.

What I find is ironic in your case is that you are not even a parent! You've never been a parent on either side of the custody issue. You are the new significant other (& I'm sure believe every thing your partner tells you and knows everything that ever happened with the children involved since conception?)

 

[djohnson]

Again nuerotic poster, I wasn't referring to any infertility, as I would not know that, I was talking about the best interest of a child, any child. And you with your attitude is definitely not in the best interest of any child. Your interests lay with father only. You can not seem to distinguish the difference between reality and your fantasy. I do realize that 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of 5 boys is sexually abused. And that is just the numbers that are reported. You can't blame a parent for wanting to protect their child. It can happen anywhere, including dad's. Many times it is dad. But you have you head stuck so far up your but trying to defend your husband, you have lost site of the reality of life. There are good mothers as well as good fathers. Fathers aren't the only ones getting screwed by the court system. Mothers are too, even grandparents that have raised children for years only to have them taken away because a bio parent changed their mind about wanting to be a parent. My point in all this is you need to stop posting period as all you do is give non legal advice that confuses people and is dead wrong a lot. Then you wish death on others. If you are gonna post you need to stop saying ALL and ALWAYS. You continually say mothers always, all mothers etc.... You are biased and come across as childish, foolish, ignorant, and abusive. Even knowing you are infertile I do not change my statement, you with your state of mind as it comes off and you continue to defend, would make a lousy parent. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Go back and reread your statements compared to everyone elses them come back and defend your attitude.

 

[djohnson]

Since I figured instead rereading and listening to yourself, I will just quote your statments.

I get sick and tired of women always trying to keep dads out of the lives of children, then wondering where things went wrong when the kids become delinquents, then blame dad for not being around. Idiotic women.

And I AM a woman saying this.

notice the women always here

 

[djohnson]

No, the majority of other parents DO want to be parents. They are railroaded out of the lives of their children. They don't voluntarily go away.

***hmm, this is in your mind only. Many don't fight for their child, and some that do only fight for spite or money.


Wherever you got that is wrong. Much more common is support set so high that the NCP can't afford it (support really does get set too high, and sometimes much higher than the NCP makes total)

***a court isn't going to award an amount above what a NCP makes, this is a stupid statement. Both parents should be responsible for the child and I'm tired of many NCP and new spouses complaining about it.


, and visitation gets withheld by the CP,

***then go to court

and after a while, not being able to get caught up, being denied their children so long, the NCP doesn't know what to do anymore and just accepts that he won't be allowed to see is children.

***his fault if he gives up and mother keeps fighting. I wouldn't give up on my child, especially if they were being abused somewhere else. This says a lot about the parent that is 'giving up'


It's not that NCPs don't want to be parents, it's that they're denied their right to be one until they accept it and go away.

***no its they want it to fall in their lap and not have to fight. Some NCP as well as CP don't want to be parents and shouldn't be.



My hubby was denied his daughter for no good reason.

***really, I can see two reasons already and don't even know him.

She is living with two registered child molesters by the bio-mom's own admission.


***and your wonderful perfect husband is giving up and just letting this continue? hmmm


The judge on his case is being sued right now by several other families for violations of law (in one case, the judge ordered a woman's newborn baby removed from her care inthe hospital and into adoption, claiming there were allegations of drug use-it was shown she was NOT a drug user, but it ws too late. Baby was adopted, records sealed, father not notified. In another, similar situation, only the baby was killed by the foster family when she was three weeks old due to negligence, and the mother was shown to not be a drug user, and the father was denied custody of the child with no charges against him).

***Is this opinion or can you back it up. THere should be articles or something you can show this with.


The judge has admitted my husband has done nothing wrong, yet that is it in the child's "best interest" to have a new dad.


***Sometimes there is nothing wrong with either parent, but one has to win. Yet you want it to be ok for the child to have a new mom? You are way one sided on this.

CPS said that it's because it will prevent the bio-mom from "taking things out" on the child. She still refuses to complete her parenting plan. Hubby finished his long ago.

***she has no incentive to finish it right now. the longer she can drag it out the better her chances are of him 'giving up'

Bio-mom has an attorney who has a history of successfully suing CPS and judges. So no, my hubby should not be denied his daughter. Justice for his little girl is a life with molesters, admitting she's scared to go home with them on the few visits we've been able to see her, asking to go with us.

and by the way, neither situation factors into my life. I'm not biased for any reason. just stating facts and truths which is more than you have done.

 

[djohnson]

Johnson,

"University of Iowa law professor Margaret Brinig and Stephen Nock, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, found that in two-thirds of divorce cases women file to terminate the marriage.

***this is just a statistic. they file for a reason, many because they were abused and battered or the children were abused. or the man cheated. it works both ways and this statistic is stupid to even try and use in this situation.


And in another report to be published by Cambridge University Press this year as part of a book by Robert Rowthorn and Antony Dnes, Divorce and Marriage: An Economic Perspective, Brinig and Nock found that men tend to suffer from postdivorce depression much more than their former wives. They also have a much higher suicide rate in such circumstances."

oh brother I really want a suicidal person with depression to have custody of my kids. Are you trying to say that is for the best? What is your point here. Another useless statistic.

Yet,
"WHO ARE THE PARENTS SEEKING JOINT CUSTODY?

***that would be both parents

76% are individual parents who did not initiate nor seek divorce."

**but may have done something really bad to cause it.

So you think most "other parents" don't want to be parents?

** ** again you need to grow up

 

[TNBSMommy]

MinCA, I have to say, as a Custodial MOTHER... I am very offended by your posts. I HAVE one of those non caring ncp's in our lives, you know, the ones you all but said don't exist?? I also know quite a few single, or remarried parents in the same situation, both mothers and fathers. Out of all the parents I know, and as the mother of a 10 and 11 year old, I actually know quite a few, only ONE does not want her child's father in their lives, and I have argued till I am blue in the face with her. After my ex lost his visitation rights, for not showing up to court, she told me I was stupid for requesting that we put the visitation back in the order, and maybe I was, b/c things didn't get better, but for my children, I had to try... And for the record, the court date he didn't bother to show up for was me requesting actual visitation dates, and getting rid of the reasonable visitation already in our court order. It was quite some time later when my daughter accidentally called his house, and he told her I wouldn't let him see her... and I sat her down and told her that A) Her father didn't show up for court and that is why he lost his visitation, and B) If it were me, I would move heaven and earth to see her, not EVER would I sit back and say "oh well".

I can GUARANTEE that not ALL mothers keep their childrens fathers out of there lives. Contrary to what you think, there are LOTS AND LOTS of ncps that just don't care. You have only seen one end of the spectrum, some of us have had to hold our children when daddy didn't show, dry their tears, and mend their broken hearts, some of us have had to bite our tongues listening to our children make excuses for the NCPs because the truth would be to much for their little hearts to take, things such as "daddy must have run out of gas, daddy must have had to work, daddy's car must have broke down, mommy doesn't daddy love us?" these are all things I have personally heard my own child say. At times when "daddy" didn't bother showing up for a visitation he asked for, but didn't bother calling to let his children know he wouldn't be there either.

You need to get off your high horse and realize there are just as many no-good NCPs with CPs who WISH the NCP would be there as there are CPs who don't want the NCPs around.

 

[casa]

MinCA, I have to say, as a Custodial MOTHER... I am very offended by your posts. I HAVE one of those non caring ncp's in our lives, you know, the ones you all but said don't exist?? I also know quite a few single, or remarried parents in the same situation, both mothers and fathers. Out of all the parents I know, and as the mother of a 10 and 11 year old, I actually know quite a few, only ONE does not want her child's father in their lives, and I have argued till I am blue in the face with her. After my ex lost his visitation rights, for not showing up to court, she told me I was stupid for requesting that we put the visitation back in the order, and maybe I was, b/c things didn't get better, but for my children, I had to try... And for the record, the court date he didn't bother to show up for was me requesting actual visitation dates, and getting rid of the reasonable visitation already in our court order. It was quite some time later when my daughter accidentally called his house, and he told her I wouldn't let him see her... and I sat her down and told her that A) Her father didn't show up for court and that is why he lost his visitation, and B) If it were me, I would move heaven and earth to see her, not EVER would I sit back and say "oh well".

I can GUARANTEE that not ALL mothers keep their childrens fathers out of there lives. Contrary to what you think, there are LOTS AND LOTS of ncps that just don't care. You have only seen one end of the spectrum, some of us have had to hold our children when daddy didn't show, dry their tears, and mend their broken hearts, some of us have had to bite our tongues listening to our children make excuses for the NCPs because the truth would be to much for their little hearts to take, things such as "daddy must have run out of gas, daddy must have had to work, daddy's car must have broke down, mommy doesn't daddy love us?" these are all things I have personally heard my own child say. At times when "daddy" didn't bother showing up for a visitation he asked for, but didn't bother calling to let his children know he wouldn't be there either.

You need to get off your high horse and realize there are just as many no-good NCPs with CPs who WISH the NCP would be there as there are CPs who don't want the NCPs around.

Amen to that (for both Mothers & Fathers!).

TNBSmommy~ How old is your child(ren)? Don't give up on Dad coming around either. It doesnt always happen, but in my case it did. It took some years ... all the while myself and my family were sending him photographs and updates and holiday correspondence from her to him...but he did eventually re-appear. I didn't file for back support or fight the visitation process- we did counseling and worked our way up to a normal visitation schedule. Now they have a good relationship. In my case I think it had a lot to do with the new wife, since she had children and encouraged him to be involved. <Contrary to MinCA's assumptions; Not only did I not deny him - he didn't bother- but it was another CP Mother, his new wife, who was the one who pushed him to become involved.>

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Hey, I did see the future. I remember it clearly. I actually predicted SOP in your future on one of your previous post. I believe it was the "He Walked Out on Mediation" post about a month back.

And you said I couln't make it as a fortune teller.... Silly you!!!!!!

I'm assuming it's an SOP for lack of knowledge, a temporary SOP until the court gets the result of the social study.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

I hope you die a painful death and do the world a favor.

Yes, circumstances are differnt in each case, but you are under the mistaken belief that most NCPs don't want to be parents. Are you basing this on your own child(ren)'s OP not being around?

I'm not living a "life of hatred" based on what my hubby says. I'm on the board of directors of an international children's right organization and have seen cases you wouldn't believe. There are a lot of mothers we help, though in the vast, vast majority of cases it is the father who is being victimized. When parents don't have equal rights, the children do suffer.

You don't get it-you seem to think it's completely okay for a child to have only one parent and to let the other parent pay child support or whatever. Do you want to see this child grow up under the belief that if he didn't "need" his dad, then he's not going to be needed by his children either, that dads are indispensible and that he's worthless as a parent because he didn't "need" his own dad? It's a cycle, and it must be stopped.

OMG!
I hope you die?? What the *&!#* is that????????????????
"I'm on the board of directors of an international children's right organization"
Please tell us which one so we can show them your posts.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

"I hope you never become one." Johnson said this after speaking about a biomom.

You need to have your children taken away from you, or any child you love, and have them stuck into a sexual abusive situation, to even begin to see where I'm coming from. Or have your children taken away period and given to someone else-you clearly have no compassion for this NCP when the CP doesn't want the child to have his dad.

It damn well pisses me off when a parent tried to prevent a parent from a relationship with his children for a stupid reason.

OMG double!!!! Listen to the bizarre things you are saying. Not being a parent, I see, has warped your brain.
I DID NOT say I didn't want the dad to have his son, I said it needs time and can the TO be extended.
And if my son's mental and emotional well being is stupid, then I'm happy to be so.
I cannot even fathom why you would WANT a child in a sexually abusive situation to teach a parent a lesson.
Get counseling, please.

TNBSMommy..amen amen...
I've been dealing with the NCP of my older children for 15 years and while he sends Cs, he only sees the kids a couple times a year. They've learned to deal with it but that is not what I want for my youngest son. It's not what I wanted for any of them but I am the only parent they seem to be able to count on.Stability, love and trust is what I want for this little guy.
I'm trying to work with the ex to get that for my youngest.
Back to the original question.

 

[TNBSMommy]

Casa, my children are 10 and 11... Things have gotten better, I had gotten to where I didn't tell them when he called, that way, if he showed up, they were excited and suprised...Now, even though he does get them, my daughter doesn't like to go, b/c he doesn't spend any time with them.. they are just there, two in the pack of 5 he has... And he has lied to them so much, that neither of the kids believe anything he says..for instance, last year, he told our daughter he and his wife take their kids skating every thursday(the only skating rink here is down the road from my house) and since our 10 year old had cub scouts that night, she could go with them...well, the following thursday, no calls no shows... so she went, grudgingly, with her brother and I... the week after that, she asks me to call him, b/c, and I quote "Mom, will you call and ask daddy if he is taking me skating with them, he always lies to me and he won't lie to you." he said he was, showed up got her, and they went to his moms house.... he apparently quit taking his other kids. Another time he told the kids he would take them all to see Harry Potter and The Prizoner of Azkaban... he got the kids that friday evening, my daughter called me that night, told me he told her they couldnt afford it, and had taken them to the movie rental place instead. The next day she calls me and told me her half sisters had let it slip that they HAD gone to see the movie earlier that day and they werent supposed to tell my daughter... it is sad really... I make da** sure I am close to my daughter and she is close to one of her parents.... I am glad your NCP came around, even if it did take a new wife to encourage him...

Bliss, it does suck, and it really urks me b/c these NCPS have no idea how much it hurts their children... And I am sorry for hyjacking your thread!!!

 

[joan marie]

<C&P>Casa, my children are 10 and 11... Things have gotten better, I had gotten to where I didn't tell them when he called, that way, if he showed up, they were excited and suprised...Now, even though he does get them, my daughter doesn't like to go, b/c he doesn't spend any time with them.. they are just there,<Quote>


When I asked a judge why my kids dad was allow to basically ignore his children, the judge told me, visitation is a right not a responsibility. He has it but doesnt have to use it. So as long as a "dad" keeps semi current with childcare, he is "doing" his job I guess? The truth is, you cant make someone a good parent. You cant make someone do the right thing. These "kids" will be adults and I guess then we'll really hear/see the fruits of everyones efforts or lack of.

joan marie *

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Casa, my children are 10 and 11... Things have gotten better, I had gotten to where I didn't tell them when he called, that way, if he showed up, they were excited and suprised...Now, even though he does get them, my daughter doesn't like to go, b/c he doesn't spend any time with them.. they are just there, two in the pack of 5 he has... And he has lied to them so much, that neither of the kids believe anything he says..for instance, last year, he told our daughter he and his wife take their kids skating every thursday(the only skating rink here is down the road from my house) and since our 10 year old had cub scouts that night, she could go with them...well, the following thursday, no calls no shows... so she went, grudgingly, with her brother and I... the week after that, she asks me to call him, b/c, and I quote "Mom, will you call and ask daddy if he is taking me skating with them, he always lies to me and he won't lie to you." he said he was, showed up got her, and they went to his moms house.... he apparently quit taking his other kids. Another time he told the kids he would take them all to see Harry Potter and The Prizoner of Azkaban... he got the kids that friday evening, my daughter called me that night, told me he told her they couldnt afford it, and had taken them to the movie rental place instead. The next day she calls me and told me her half sisters had let it slip that they HAD gone to see the movie earlier that day and they werent supposed to tell my daughter... it is sad really... I make da** sure I am close to my daughter and she is close to one of her parents.... I am glad your NCP came around, even if it did take a new wife to encourage him...

Bliss, it does suck, and it really urks me b/c these NCPS have no idea how much it hurts their children... And I am sorry for hyjacking your thread!!!

I don't mind
I agree with you, I don't know what good it does for the ncp's to make such a big show and then when its over, disappear again.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

<C&P>Casa, my children are 10 and 11... Things have gotten better, I had gotten to where I didn't tell them when he called, that way, if he showed up, they were excited and suprised...Now, even though he does get them, my daughter doesn't like to go, b/c he doesn't spend any time with them.. they are just there,<Quote>


When I asked a judge why my kids dad was allow to basically ignore his children, the judge told me, visitation is a right not a responsibility. He has it but doesnt have to use it. So as long as a "dad" keeps semi current with childcare, he is "doing" his job I guess? The truth is, you cant make someone a good parent. You cant make someone do the right thing. These "kids" will be adults and I guess then we'll really hear/see the fruits of everyones efforts or lack of.

joan marie *

That's so backward...visitation should be a responsibility. A responsibility to keep current in your child's life, to make sure they are emotionally and mentally level. To be responsible is to show up at work, right? Well, raising a child is work, it isn't a part time job.

 

[joan marie]

That's so backward...visitation should be a responsibility. A responsibility to keep current in your child's life, to make sure they are emotionally and mentally level. To be responsible is to show up at work, right? Well, raising a child is work, it isn't a part time job.

I agree with you. I was just sharing what a judge has told me.

joan marie *