Chances of getting custody

[leadguitarist99]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma
My ex wife has been divorced 3 times in the last seven years. I have 2 children with her from our marriage that lasted 8 years. I was her first marriage. I have custody of my son and she has custody of my daughter. She has cheated on all her husbands. Is now going through her 3rd divorce. Her soon to be ex husband called me last night and told me he hired a private investigator and caught her cheating on him. He also told me that she tried to commit suicide a little over a year ago and he rushed her to the hospital because she took a bottle of pills and stuck his rifle in her mouth. Her sister also confirmed that to me so I know it's true. He said she talked the doctor at the hospital into letting her leave.

I remarried 4 years after my divorce and have lived in the same house for 3 years. I have a stable home and living environment for my children. They have been able to go to the same school because they can use my address. My ex on the other hand has moved 5 times in the last 3 years and for a month moved in with her second husband while married to her 3rd husband.

I could write for Desperate Housewives with all the stuff she has done. But I would like to know what you think my chances are of getting custody of both children? Full custody is what I would really like to get in this case. I am not wanting to keep them from there mother. But she isn't capable of making good decisions.

Thanks

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: But I would like to know what you think my chances are of getting custody of both children?

A: About 50-50, more or less.

 

[leadguitarist99]

50 / 50 from a screwed up mother. Is that how judges really look at cases like this.

 

[stealth2]

50 / 50 from a screwed up mother. Is that how judges really look at cases like this.

Actually, most of what you posted points to a screwed-up wife, not mother.

 

[FITFatherof2]

When it comes to my kids I would take 50/50 over the alternative. If you do nothing the chances are 100% that nothing will happen. I wouldnt focus on her infidelity, instead focus on the attempted suicide and the pills. I know blood is thicker than water but I would try to get her 2nd husband and her sister to write a declaration on your behalf as to what they know about this incident. I would talk to an attorney about filing for full custody. I would point out the instability in the childrens lives. If you truely believe she is capable of doing such harm to herself I would go at this with the angle of wanting to protect my children from maybe walking in on their mother dead someday from suicide. I would suggest that maybe the kids are too much of a stress on her and she needs some time to deal with what is making her act this way. I would also show concern for her and say that despite her actions I believe she means well and would never hurt the children but the way she has been acting you are not sure of who she is anymore. Show your stability and explain that if the kids lived with you the only packing they would have to do is when they go visit their mother. Ask for a psychologocal evaluation. Let the court know that even though this happened a year ago you just found out and wonder what else has happened that you are unaware of.

 

[leadguitarist99]

Yes a screwed up wife who is teaching my children no values what so ever.

Getting her ex husbands and her sister to testify for me won't be a problem.
I have been doing some looking into an attorney and have already been told that an evaluation would probably be asked for. So there's $3500 right off the bat. Also would it be to my benefit to point out that she gave custody to the son she had with her second husband to him. And let him move out of state. To me that kinda says what kind of mother she is. What caring parent would do that without a fight?

Thanks guys for the input.

 

[Ohiogal]

The courts are not in the business of stating whose "values" are better. They follow the law. What you are going on about is differences in parenting styles. And just because dad has custody doesn't mean mom is unfit. Which seems to be what you are trying to state because she let dad move with her child. Yet look at your situation -- you have only custody of one of your children and not your daughter. Hmmmm... so what does that say about you?

 

[leadguitarist99]

Umm it doesn't say anything bad about me that's for sure. I have my kids half the time, actualy more then that and she has them the rest of the time. I don't have the 2 days a week and every other weekend like most divorced parents have. She very rarely sees her son from the second marriage. My ex wife was primary custodian of our children when we got divorced. But we had joint custody. My son decided that he wanted my house to be his primary residence. His mom didn't fight that and now I am his primary custodian. I actually have both kids more then she does. They are at my house everyday after school tell about 5:30 - 6:00. Sometimes later if there mom needs to make up an excuse so she can stop somewhere and get a quicky or stop at a store! That's something she can do on the time she doesn't have them So I would say I have done pretty good giving them a stable home. A stable home is not her picking up the kids then calling me an hour later because she needs to bring them back over because the guy she now has a protective order against showed up at her house. She has had protective orders issues against her as well. She hasn't given them a stable home all the facts lead to that.

I can't believe a judge would see her values and what she puts the kids through as good!

 

[leadguitarist99]

Umm it doesn't say anything bad about me that's for sure. I have my kids half the time, actualy more then that and she has them the rest of the time. I don't have the 2 days a week and every other weekend like most divorced parents have. She very rarely sees her son from the second marriage. My ex wife was primary custodian of our children when we got divorced. But we had joint custody. I agreed to that because she got the house and that's where they went to school. She defaulted on the house payments and 3 years ago I had to take the house back over. My son decided that he wanted my house to be his primary residence. His mom didn't fight that and now I am his primary custodian. I actually have both kids more then she does. They are at my house everyday after school tell about 5:30 - 6:00. Sometimes later if there mom needs to make up an excuse so she can stop somewhere and get a quicky or stop at a store! That's something she can do on the time she doesn't have them So I would say I have done pretty good giving them a stable home. A stable home is not her picking up the kids then calling me an hour later because she needs to bring them back over because the guy she now has a protective order against showed up at her house. She has had protective orders issues against her as well. She hasn't given them a stable home all the facts lead to that.

I can't believe a judge would see her values and what she puts the kids through as good!

 

[GrowUp!]

I can't believe a judge would see her values and what she puts the kids through as good!

Umm...what did OG just state regarding the court's not getting involved in a "values" debate. It's just like religion. Those 2 things courts do NOT touch.

 

[nextwife]

Umm...what did OG just state regarding the court's not getting involved in a "values" debate. It's just like religion. Those 2 things courts do NOT touch.

However, the courts do like status quo and stability. Kids getting to stay put should not be dependent upon the woman's guy du jour. And kids shouldn't have to be constantly uprooted because mom can't maintain a relationship. The relationships themselves are NOT the issue for the court, the bouncing them around everytime she leaves a relationship could be.

 

[MrsK]

I dont happen to think your ex sounds stable either.

Have you thought about letting your ex know you'd like custody based on what is going on (her games of musical husbands, all of the infidelity, the suicide attempt, etc) and asking her to just let your daughter come to live with you & change custody over to you? Then you could set up visitation & support and bring it in front of the courts to be signed.

If that doesnt work, get a lawyer and get geared up to try and get custody of your daughter. The courts should be able to subpoena the records from her suicide attempt. You said her ex will testify. Get a parenting plan together outlining time for mom to spend with the kids...all of that stuff.