Changing custodial parent

[tdlegrand]

Kansas

My 14 year old son decided he wants to live with his mother and has so for the last three months. I am still the "custodial parent". The mother does not want legal custody, but wants him to continue living with her. I feel that, if my son lives with his mother, she should be the legal custodian. Do I need her signature to change the custody arrangement? Does someone know what needs to be done and how the custody arrangement, as specified in the divorce, gets changed. I am trying to do this on a "low budget" ......
Thanks.
Tom

 

[hexeliebe]

You need to go back to court and have the judge signoff on any agreement to change legal custody. If the two of you are in agreement (you and the ex) then it won't cost much. However, if you don't do this, you and your ex could be held in contempt of court for not following the original custody agreement.

 

[secondwife]

We are currently going a situation similar to your own. My husband's 15 year old son decided that he wanted to go live with his mom this past February. His reason was because he didn't like me telling him what to do. He was living in my home and I think my rules should be respected. My husband and his Ex had joint custody since the divorce (step-son was 4 yrs old) with my husband being the Domicile parent. My husband didn't pursue Child support from his Ex because he didn't think at the time it would be worth the hassle to get a few dollars from her. (she couldn't hold a job for very long at that time)
My husband talked it over with his Ex and decided that he would allow 15 yr old to go live with her. His Ex's lawyer drew up a Consent Judgement document changing the Domicile Custody from my husband to his Ex. This was done in February, without my husband or his Ex having to go to court, but they were both in agreement to the judgement. She verbally agreed with my husband over the phone that since he had raised their son for the last 11 years without going after her for child support that she wouldn't ask for child support for the next 2-3yrs. Well, we knew we couldn't trust her word, A few weeks ago we were served with Child support papers. Now after raising him for 11 years without a penny of support from her we will have to pay her child support. Good Luck with your situation!

 

[mrseld]

Go back to court and have the proper paperwork drawn up. Don't set yourself up for a legal problem.

Secondwife...that's makes me mad to even read what you said. After 11 years and SHE has the NERVE to go after you for child support? That's something.

You know, my husband has sole custody of his two children and his ex-wife is over $20,000.00 BEHIND in her child support to him. Yet, she had a child by her ex-boyfriend last year and she nearly broke her neck taking him to court and making sure she got a judgement for her new baby. It's always that way though. People like to do it to you, but they don't want "it" done to them. Have we pursued the child support arrearage? No. Why not?

First of all, it's not up to me to pursue it. It's up to my husband. And after we talked about it, he decided to wait until she's even more behind to increase the chance she'll do jail time. He already filed one contempt charge for the arrearage about 3 years ago and his exwife only got verbally repremanded. He thinks if he waits a little longer, and the amount is higher, then she will be more likely to serve time. He thinks that will be a better "attention getter".

 

[tdlegrand]

Legal liability

Let's say that all the paperwork gets straightened out, with my son living with his mom, she being the custodial parent, and she will have sole custody. Does someone know what happens if my son gets into some sort of trouble (he has quite a history ...) and causes some property damage or, worse, physical damage. Who will be legally responsible for these monetary damages? If my ex wife has sole custody, will she be the one financially responsible? Let me be specific. My son "borrows" a car, he hits another car. Wrecks the "borrowed" car plus the car he hits and sends someone to the hospital. A lawsuit follows. Who gets hit, his mother, me or both? Just trying to protect myself here from a kid that is now pretty much out of control, because mom lets him get away with everything. Tom

 

[DChristian112]

he decided to wait until she's even more behind to increase the chance she'll do jail time. He already filed one contempt charge for the arrearage about 3 years ago and his exwife only got verbally repremanded. He thinks if he waits a little longer, and the amount is higher, then she will be more likely to serve time. He thinks that will be a better "attention getter".

Yeah, and that sounds better.
"We are just waiting for the arrears to go up alittle more so we can throw her in jail".

Where are the posters who hate when CPs see the NCPs as ATM machines. I use ot be that way, but it is so not worth it. As long as the NCP is seeing the child, leave it be. Who cares, money won't make you happy anyway. Those kids are all that matter.

My son "borrows" a car, he hits another car. Wrecks the "borrowed" car plus the car he hits and sends someone to the hospital. A lawsuit follows. Who gets hit, his mother, me or both? Just trying to protect myself here from a kid that is now pretty much out of control, because mom lets him get away with everything. Tom

I think this is a little bit too much as well. You want to protect yourself from what, a lawsuit? What about the accident in general? Are you not going to be worried if your son was hurt or not?

Stop worrying about the "monetary aspects" of the situation. If your son would be happier, and you would be happier, let him go to his mother. File the appropriate paperwork, and leave it be.

Good Luck and God Bless!

 

[Whyte Noise]

Re: Legal liability

Does someone know what happens if my son gets into some sort of trouble (he has quite a history ...) and causes some property damage or, worse, physical damage. Just trying to protect myself here from a kid that is now pretty much out of control, because mom lets him get away with everything. Tom

These are the 2 sentances of your post that stuck out to me....

First, you say he has "quite a history" and then, you go on to say that he's "pretty much out of control because mom lets him get away with everything."

If YOU have been the custodial parent, and your son has a "history" I don't think that happened in just the past 3 months. A "history" isn't created in just the 3 months mom has had him.

But, you're tyrying to say that it's mom's fault he's like this?

Like I said, you were the CP, not the mom. As the one that had the child most of the time, I'd think some of the responsibility of his "history" could fall on you as well. Not saying mom is perfect or anything, but you can't lay the blame all on her for your son's problems. At least not by what you've posted here.