Changing custody agreement

[per_jane]

OP your issues of parenting style don't seem to be legal issues to this layman . And if he wants a schedule change let him carry his quest to court .

I think you should revisit your views and facts about you don't need his child support ... both parents have a duty to support their children and child may well benefit from his economic support. ( You may need to think ahead about massive college costs all too soon and your state law does not require him to help on that )

Thank you - i did tell him if he wants our original agreement to change to get with his lawyer and come up with something in writing. I'd review with my lawyer.

 

[Ohiogal]

I do see your point and you are right. It is her fault and she does get in trouble when her homework isn't done or when she's up late at night still doing homework but I do feel her dad should also enforce having to do homework at his house if shes over there for the entire weekend. I feel like the rules should be the same in both households. If she is grounded at my house (like no electronics) I let her dad know so that the punishment continues at his house. Just because she is at his house doesn't mean no rules apply and its all fun and games. That's another reason why I think the 50/50 back and forth wouldn't work.

The court will NOT expect that both households have the same rules. Dad doesn't have to enforce your rules and you don't have to enforce his. And understand the court may think 50/50 is in the best interests of the child. The court is going to see both parents as appropriate and able to parent because you have joint custody.

 

[per_jane]

The court will NOT expect that both households have the same rules. Dad doesn't have to enforce your rules and you don't have to enforce his. And understand the court may think 50/50 is in the best interests of the child. The court is going to see both parents as appropriate and able to parent because you have joint custody.

Good to know what to expect.

 

[Ohiogal]

Good to know what to expect.

You may think I am being mean, but I am not. I deal with these situations day in and day out. If you filed to terminate joint custody because you can't communicate, be prepared the court could do that and grant dad full custody so don't be hasty. If dad files for 50/50 time, ask for mediation if possible and actually work through some of the issues. You may not reach a full agreement but you may end up reaching some and being on the same page. And seriously, it is not parenting advice, but let your daughter suffer the consequences. Because then maybe she will step up and take some responsibility. You won't be around forever.

 

[t74]

OP, If you do not like 50/50, allow him to be the CP and you take his current schedule. You should be happy to live by the arrangement you want him to have.

 

[per_jane]

OP, If you do not like 50/50, allow him to be the CP and you take his current schedule. You should be happy to live by the arrangement you want him to have.

whats a CP?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

whats a CP?

Custodial Parent.

 

[per_jane]

You may think I am being mean, but I am not. I deal with these situations day in and day out. If you filed to terminate joint custody because you can't communicate, be prepared the court could do that and grant dad full custody so don't be hasty. If dad files for 50/50 time, ask for mediation if possible and actually work through some of the issues. You may not reach a full agreement but you may end up reaching some and being on the same page. And seriously, it is not parenting advice, but let your daughter suffer the consequences. Because then maybe she will step up and take some responsibility. You won't be around forever.

I appreciate your advice. I don't want to terminate joint custody at all I just want to remain primary physical and hope we can both come to an agreement on the living situation.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

What is being said is that if you don't think 50/50 is a good idea and you think the current terms are in the best interest of the child and fair to both parents then you shouldn't mind switching the current arrangement with the child's other parent.

 

[per_jane]

What is being said is that if you don't think 50/50 is a good idea and you think the current terms are in the best interest of the child and fair to both parents then you shouldn't mind switching the current arrangement with the child's other parent.

Well of course I'd mind - I've had the current arrangement for 12 years with no issues until now.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Well of course I'd mind - I've had the current arrangement for 12 years with no issues until now.

You mind because you have more time with your child and you know it. But things have changed, you got married. So it is likely also time to revisit the custody/visitation schedule.

 

[per_jane]

You mind because you have more time with your child and you know it. But things have changed, you got married. So it is likely also time to revisit the custody/visitation schedule.

He was okay with this schedule too and had more time with her in the summer, random days during the week, and vacations abroad with her. As stated in previous posts - I hope to come to an agreement on a schedule that works for my daughter and us.

 

[Zigner]

He was okay with this schedule too and had more time with her in the summer, random days during the week, and vacations abroad with her. As stated in previous posts - I hope to come to an agreement on a schedule that works for my daughter and us.

Just so long as it's not 50/50, right?

 

[t74]

Then have a serious discussion with yourself. You are acting like a childish, spoiled brat. You want it your way or else.

 

[t74]

Well of course I'd mind - I've had the current arrangement for 12 years with no issues until now.

Some men are more comfortable dealing with older children with who they can have reasonable conversations and participate in more adult oriented activities like sports.