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charged with 2 counts of order of protection violations

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What is the name of your state? Tennessee



This situation is unbelievable. I was arrested in the middle of December for violating an order of protection. She originally based her claim on Stalking, and I was unable to afford an attorney at the time so I went by myself to dispute her claim (bringing voicemails, and phone records to prove she had been contacting me, including the night before she filed the order of protection). The judge was belligerent, and pissed off because it was a Monday morning and he had a courtroom full of people. Needless to say, I had the order placed on me as the judge did not even want to hear my evidence or testimony. I thought nothing of it because at this point I was so tired of the Respondents behavior that I did not wish to talk to her anymore anyways.

I was first contacted by the alleged victim in October when she called my work place (I recognized the number and never answered) and later that evening she placed a bag on my truck at my residence which included a t-shirt and sex tapes we had made together when we were in a relationship prior to her filing the original order of protection against me. At this point I contacted her sister and her friend informing them she needed to leave me the f*** alone.

In mid-November I was eating at a popular Cafe, one of which we used to frequent on a regular basis -- I had originally stayed away from this spot for fear of running into the Respondent but since time had passed I thought nothing of it. It turned out she had moved in next door to this cafe!!!! Needless to say, we ran into each other that night at which point she approached me and we began to talk. She informed me that she had dropped the order of protection and that's why she had attempted to contact me in October. I had my cellphone number changed originally because I did not want her contacting me and that's why she had contacted my work place. That night we engaged in sexual relations outside of her apartment (at that time she had not told me she was living there). The following day we resumed an intimate relationship at which point she was at my workplace socializing with myself and my co-workers and customers (I worked at a popular music venue). She had informed the owner of the establishment (who was naturally concerned about my safety) that she had in fact dropped the order of protection after he inquired her about the matter.

For the next 2 weeks we were seeing each other on a daily basis, text messaging, and telephoning each other mutually quite a bit (probably well over 500 text messages, and 100 phone calls were received by her). I had become worried because she was not telling friends of her family nor her immediate family that we were seeing each other again and I persuaded her to contact her father and inform him that we wanted to come see him and discuss our resumption of the relationship. That's when all hell broke lose, her mother called threatening to disown her, and telling her to bring back "her" car. At this point I had enough, and told the Respondent that I no longer wished to compete with her crazy family and that I was done. Later that evening she invited me back to her apartment and I conceded -- that morning her mother knocked on her door and saw me standing there half-naked. At this point my life was threatened and I immediately left. A few days later after not hearing from her I had text messaged the respondent inquiring as to her well-being and informing her she had left some belongings at my apartment and asked when would be a good time to drop them off when she wasn't there. An hour later I received a phone call from a sheriff informing me I had violated my order of protection. Needless to say, I was in complete shock.

There have been no complaints of domestic violence or history of violence between the respondent and I, nor have I ever been arrested for a crime in my life. Since this happened I have filed for an order of protection against her and had it granted after she didn't even bother showing up for the hearing. I have a hearing in 30 days. The judge presiding over the case is notoriously hard on people for violating orders of protections, being cited as saying - "I don't care if she contacted you, you violated my order".

What do I do? Has anyone had any experience like this? I know I need a lawyer but I am seriously in fear of my life so I've had to quit my job and move out of my apartment and that has put me in financial disarray. It also doesn't help that her family is friends with the DA of the city I'm being prosecuted in. I'm fairly certain I'm going to hire a lawyer but I'd like some advice as to how I can go about getting these charges dropped and then suing her for the inconvenience and financial disarray she has put me in.

Regards,
brknhearted :(
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I hate to tell you this, but the chances of the charges being dropped are slim to none. When the judge ruled that YOU were to have no contact with her, it wasn't a suggestion. It meant that YOU are not to contact her in any way. Not the other way around. And if she DID try to contact you, you should have ignored it. That you took her word for the order being dropped/changed? Well, it was pretty stupid of you to believe her.

Hire that lawyer today.
 
Also, if SHE filed the restraining order, SHE is not the respondent.

Yea, my bad. She is now though since I have an order of protection against her. I'm starting to get really strange phone calls too during hours she's not at work. Stuff from private numbers and numbers I don't know - they're hangups and breathing in the phone type stuff so I call the numbers back and I get an operator telling me, "This phone does not accept incoming calls." I guess there is no way to prove it's her so I'm just waiting until she speaks up and I keep a voice recorder on me at all times.

I'm getting mixed responses from different lawyers... some saying that it depends on the judge's mood, etc. I'm just floored by this whole situation -- I had my doubts about the order of protection being dropped but maybe I just wanted it to be true so bad that I didn't bother calling and checking on it. Very stupid of me, I know. This isn't the first time she's lied to me, but I feel like I'm the victim here -- not her. I just have to find the way to convince the judge of that.
 
Yea, my bad. She is now though since I have an order of protection against her. I'm starting to get really strange phone calls too during hours she's not at work. Stuff from private numbers and numbers I don't know - they're hangups and breathing in the phone type stuff so I call the numbers back and I get an operator telling me, "This phone does not accept incoming calls." I guess there is no way to prove it's her so I'm just waiting until she speaks up and I keep a voice recorder on me at all times.

I'm getting mixed responses from different lawyers... some saying that it depends on the judge's mood, etc. I'm just floored by this whole situation -- I had my doubts about the order of protection being dropped but maybe I just wanted it to be true so bad that I didn't bother calling and checking on it. Very stupid of me, I know. This isn't the first time she's lied to me, but I feel like I'm the victim here -- not her. I just have to find the way to convince the judge of that.

and you are answering phone calls from numbers you don't recognize, because???. . . . . .

I seriously do not intend offense, but you both sound like immature fools. Back and forth together, and expecting the court to act as your relationship counselor, involving your families, etc. grow up, and stay away from each other.
 
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and you are answering phone calls from numbers you don't recognize, because???. . . . . .

I seriously do not intend offense, but you both sound like immature fools. Back and forth together, and expecting the court to act as your relationship counselor, involving your families, etc. grow up, and stay away from each other.

That wouldn't be the first time I've heard accusations of the sort. I never wanted this to go to the courts -- and I never understood why it did. Like I said, there were no domestic violence incidents to speak of. I filed the order of protection against her after I was arrested following her contacting me and resuming a relationship.

I don't discount my role in this, I should of known better. My abuse of alcohol and drugs definably clouded my better judgment and I *AM* seeking help for it. After our last split (even before she filed complaints) I started going to AA meetings and getting sober. I'm coming up on 1 month of sobriety thanks to a spiritual awakening and understanding that I have a very addictive personality. So does she, but I'm not here to judge her -- I just don't want a domestic charge on my record -- that would really screw up my prospects of any future career in the music business.

To answer your question in regards to answering the phone, I'm a freelance contractor providing audio engineering services. My business card is everywhere in this town so I kind of have to answer the phone. I've stopped answering the calls from private numbers because I know anybody who wants to call me and hide their identity is someone whom I wish not to speak with.

I just want to move on with my life, sober up, better myself and find someone who is a bit more mature. The fact I hooked up with a 20 year old when I'm almost 30 tells me I made a lot of mistakes. Anytime I think of the situation with this young woman I become ill, angry, resentful, and sad -- it hurts, and I'm doing my best to let go of these feelings - it's just very hard.
 
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Another quick question since I actually have an appointment with a public defender.

What are the chances of the public defender being able to get these charges dropped with the indisputable evidence of her seeking out another relationship with me?

My primary interest is keeping domestic charges OFF my record. I don't care if I have to pay fines, plea to a lesser charge, or extend her order of protection to 10 years (as I stated before, as much as I love this woman I have no problem with ever speaking to her again after this).
 

CJane

Senior Member
Another quick question since I actually have an appointment with a public defender.

What are the chances of the public defender being able to get these charges dropped with the indisputable evidence of her seeking out another relationship with me?

My primary interest is keeping domestic charges OFF my record. I don't care if I have to pay fines, plea to a lesser charge, or extend her order of protection to 10 years (as I stated before, as much as I love this woman I have no problem with ever speaking to her again after this).

Her seeking contact with you would be a good reason to get the RO against you dismissed... but it's not likely to be a good reason for the judge to completely dismiss the charges of violating the RO.

At this point, it's two different things. You may not actually be a danger to her... but that doesn't actually matter anymore at this point. You were ORDERED to stay away from her and didn't. THAT is your current problem.
 

jan3663

Junior Member
brknhearted

You stated that she told various people you work with even your boss that she herself drop the order of protection. Could they be witnesses to her bs in court?
 

jan3663

Junior Member
brknhearted

An appointment with the Public Defender may be a good sign. With the court systems so clogged they may want to settle this in their office or just dismiss it altogether. Could also be that her Order has expired. I'd like to say don't worry but their only words. I've seen this bs before and it burns me that she could get an Order for nothing when women that are abused can not, but then again it's only a piece of paper! Good luck and I'm pulling for you.:)
 
You stated that she told various people you work with even your boss that she herself drop the order of protection. Could they be witnesses to her bs in court?

There are plenty of witnesses who saw us together, although my employer was the only one who inquired in regards to the OP matter (his brother was there with us at the time as well), thus they're the only two who can testify that she did in fact state the order was dropped. The other witnesses would be there just to testify that she was not under any duress, seemed to be enjoying herself around me, and that everything seemed OK. They've all agreed to be subpoenaed and testify against her if need be. Even one of her friends whom she named in the complaint has spoken with me in regards to this like a month ago and think she's overreacting stating that herself and her family are being very immature and malicious (she also told me to grow up as well).

I think I found the lawyer I want to hire if the public defender is unsure of the outcome. He's suggested using text messages from her asking me to buy her drugs, as well as the sex tapes she put on my truck when we were broken up while not speaking, against her in court -- possibly scaring her away from actually wanting to show up with her friends and family at the hearing to testify thus throwing the case completely out the window. As much as I'd hate to use such tactics I have to accept the fact that she's been unscrupulous and malicious in her attempts to destroy my reputation and emotional well-being through needless legal procedure. I can't stand idly by and am prepared to use whatever legal tactics necessary to clear this from my record. I wouldn't mind having her ordered to pay for this mess as well, but I realize that's highly unlikely.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I think I found the lawyer I want to hire if the public defender is unsure of the outcome. He's suggested using text messages from her asking me to buy her drugs, as well as the sex tapes she put on my truck when we were broken up while not speaking, against her in court -- possibly scaring her away from actually wanting to show up with her friends and family at the hearing to testify thus throwing the case completely out the window. As much as I'd hate to use such tactics I have to accept the fact that she's been unscrupulous and malicious in her attempts to destroy my reputation and emotional well-being through needless legal procedure. I can't stand idly by and am prepared to use whatever legal tactics necessary to clear this from my record. I wouldn't mind having her ordered to pay for this mess as well, but I realize that's highly unlikely.

Can you PROVE that she put the tapes in your truck? Trying to intimidate her in this way is NOT a smart idea unless you want to risk witness intimidation charges as well. You are to blame for this situation. YOU could have and SHOULD have contacted the court to confirm that the restraining order was no longer in control. You did not because you WANTED to be with her.
 
Can you PROVE that she put the tapes in your truck? Trying to intimidate her in this way is NOT a smart idea unless you want to risk witness intimidation charges as well. You are to blame for this situation. YOU could have and SHOULD have contacted the court to confirm that the restraining order was no longer in control. You did not because you WANTED to be with her.

She admitted to her friends and family, and myself, that she put the tapes on my truck -- whether or not they will lie in court in regards to that matter is something I cannot predict.

I'm not going to argue with that. You're right, I very well should of, and could of. My only excuse and it's not much of one is that I believed her, I trusted her, and I didn't want to call her a liar. Like I said, my use of alcohol and other things at the time clouded my better judgment. I'm seeing things clearer today than I have in years and it's somewhat of a bitter reminder of the mistakes I've made.

I don't really see how this is entirely my fault, but my case is with the judge - not you. Thank you for the advice.
 

las365

Senior Member
She admitted to her friends and family, and myself, that she put the tapes on my truck
What does that have to do with anything? You didn't have to initiate contact after she put the stuff in your truck.

Exactly how does this attorney think you should try to intimidate her with the sex tapes that the two of you knowingly and willingly made? That sounds like a very poor strategy to me. You didn't have to initiate contact after she gave them to you. You should have been grateful that she gave them to you instead of putting them on the internet.

The text messages may help you by showing that she wanted contact with you. Trying to smear her by pointing out that she asked you to procure drugs could backfire; after all, doesn't that tend to indicate that you are involved in drugs? Think about this from the Judge's point of view. S/he is not likely to have patience with a bunch of mudslinging.

It sounds like the testimony of your witnesses is your strongest evidence and best defense.
 
What does that have to do with anything? You didn't have to initiate contact after she put the stuff in your truck.

Exactly how does this attorney think you should try to intimidate her with the sex tapes that the two of you knowingly and willingly made? That sounds like a very poor strategy to me. You didn't have to initiate contact after she gave them to you. You should have been grateful that she gave them to you instead of putting them on the internet.

The text messages may help you by showing that she wanted contact with you. Trying to smear her by pointing out that she asked you to procure drugs could backfire; after all, doesn't that tend to indicate that you are involved in drugs? Think about this from the Judge's point of view. S/he is not likely to have patience with a bunch of mudslinging.

It sounds like the testimony of your witnesses is your strongest evidence and best defense.

The attorney feels that since I was under an order of protection at the time when she tried to call me and drop those tapes off that will discredit her even further. Why didn't she throw them away or more so erase the contents within? I'm not ashamed of sex, I could honestly care less if they showed up on the internet. I would of rather she had thrown them away -- I had such an emotional breakdown when I saw she dropped them off that I literally couldn't stop crying for hours.

I didn't have to, nor did I contact her -- I called her sister and informed her of what happened and that S needed to leave me alone. Her sister told me I was overreacting. S even put this in the complaint that I was "trying to pass a message" in that instance. It wasn't until a month later that we ran into each other in a public place where she approached me and proceeded to not only lie but resume an intimate relationship with me.

I'm not sure how the drug thing could backfire, when I was arrested after the nurse asked me what drugs I've done in the past year and I didn't lie. I was tired of lying, it was apparent to her and I that I had a problem. The commissioner that I spoke with ordered me not to use any alcohol or illegal narcotics at all. I even told the commissioner that I was going to meetings and when she asked me, "oh yea, which one?" I had an immediate answer, this brought a smile on her face. I was attending AA meetings even prior to being arrested because I knew I had a problem and since then I haven't had a drink or drug. I'm recovering with the help of God and fellow alcoholics and in the past couple days the overwhelming effects of withdrawal have become non-existent. If the DA asked me to take a drug test I could pass it, so I'm of the opinion that since the DA already knows I have/had a drug problem -- it won't hurt.
 
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