child custody and step dad wanting to adopt

[KarenCherie]

What is the name of your state? Georgia.

My question is this: With sole legal custody of my daughter will I encounter difficulties for marrying a man from another country, if his career means we have to move outside the country? My fiance wants to adopt my daughter to make it easier to enter his home land. Her father was emotionally and verbally abusive to me in our 20 yr marriage and I dont want her subjected to his verbage like I was. I do not hate him, nor do I want to hurt him as he has hurt me but I love my fiance so much and we want to be a family - he loves my daughter as his own. I need help - serious help. Please dont think harshly of me - I didn't ask for the abuse I suffered and I dont want my daughter to think that women are supposed to be treated this way. With my fiance I know she will see how a man treats his wife. So, if anyone out there can help me, I sure would appreciate it.

 

[ChevyGirl]

Is bio-dad willing to give up his rights so your fiance can adopt her? Also, even if he did and your fiance wants to adopt, that doesn't mean that it will get granted.

 

[kidoday]

Does her dad have visitation rights and does he exercise them?

How old is your daughter?

 

[KarenCherie]

I dont know if he will give up his rights - he sees her when it suits him. If he thought he could hurt me, he would do it. She is four years old. My fiance is such a loving man, not the manipulative man my ex is. So, my problem will be in getting him to sign off his rights as a father to her - I am so torn right now. Why would it not be granted, if my fiance is financially capable of taking care of her that is far better than her father will ever be able to? What are the considerations for such an action? Sheesh - I never thought that wanting to be happy for once in my life would be so hard. This is what I get for thinking with my feelings instead of my head. Where is Mr Spock when you need him? LOL

 

[Bre's_mom]

I was just wondering, why did you have a child with your ex 16 years after having known how he treated you, If he treated you like crap for 16 years what made you decide to have a baby? Just a question I was curious about?

 

[kidoday]

An abusive relationship is hard to get out of.

Just remember he has rights to his daughter and will use this right.

Thankfully you have a fiance that is willing to adopt your daughter, but in a legal aspect until your ex is willing to give up his parental rights to her, your fiance will not be able to adopt her. Unfortunately with your posts, I don't believe this will happen.

 

[Bre's_mom]

An abusive relationship is hard to get out of.

Just remember he has rights to his daughter and will use this right.

I agree with you kidoday
I have never been in a abusive relationship, thankgod, and I think it would be hard to get out, I just think that if you are going to stay in the relatioship, that is abusive, you should definitly not try to get pregnant. But somethimes your not trying to preggo and you still do...

 

[nextwife]

KarenCherie- You DO have every right to remarry and be happy. Nobody is asserting you do not. The legal issue is twofold, the desire to remove the child permanantly from her father (which is only a problem if he asserts his rights and does not agree) and the move-away. Yes, if he is willing, you can adopt and he can relinguish his parental rights.

If he wishes to not give up his daughter, which is his legal right, and goes to court, he could very well block a move that will interfere with your visitation agreement
you may not be able to relocate HER to another state, much less another nation or another hemisphere. Legally, the problem is not YOUR move, it's moving her. Technically, YOU can move anywhere.

 

[KarenCherie]

Bre's Mom - okay, i acknowledge my stupidity. My only explanation is this: just before i got pregnant with my daughter, i had just lost twin sons, a still birth. I mistakenly thought another baby would help the marriage - i think that is a common link to insanity - and after losing my boys (same dad as my daughter) i really wanted to fill the emptiness that was there. So, it was not logical, or rational. But she has healed my heart and made my life so much the better. I have a reason for living and fighting again. And I am determined that she will be stronger than I am - always.

 

[KarenCherie]

Nextwife - I agree with what u say. I know I can go anywhere. I am hoping I can convince her dad that the adoption process is not to permanently keep her from him - it is merely a formality so my fiance and i can enter his homeland without having to leave my daughter behind. He will still be her father, just not on paper. I am not trying to be a bitch here. I didnt plan on falling in love with a non citizen and planning marriage to him - it just happened. But with his career, we will have to go to his country eventually and without his adopting her, she will not be allowed in. So you see why this is so essential.

 

[VeronicaGia]

There are many problems here. First off, likely no judge will allow your fiance to adopt, that is unless you are married first. And then, sometimes the family court will make you wait for a period time, like a year, to make sure the marriage is stable.

Then you will have to prove to a court why it is in the best interests of the child to terminate her fathers parental rights and allow your new husband to adopt. If the father is paying support regularly and visiting somewhat regularly, this can be hard to prove.

And, you will not be able to remove the child from the country without the permission of the bio-dad.

 

[KarenCherie]

My fiance was not planning to petition for adoption until we are married. All I want her bio-dad to see is that the paper is only a legal formality. When my fiance and I are married, he will likely be transferred back to his country. With out an adoption, it will mean leaving her here and with sole legal custody since his country (Gemany) will not allow her with us without it. And believe me, I will fight for all I'm worth to take her with me. Her father will still be just that - her father.

One other thing - wouldn't my new husband's career be one of the deciding factors in this move? The fact that an adopttion must take place for her entry to Germany? This is the only reason for wanting this done. well, my fiance loves her as his own as well but he does not want her bio-dad denied visits either.

 

[VeronicaGia]

My fiance was not planning to petition for adoption until we are married. All I want her bio-dad to see is that the paper is only a legal formality. When my fiance and I are married, he will likely be transferred back to his country. With out an adoption, it will mean leaving her here and with sole legal custody since his country (Gemany) will not allow her with us without it. And believe me, I will fight for all I'm worth to take her with me. Her father will still be just that - her father.

One other thing - wouldn't my new husband's career be one of the deciding factors in this move? The fact that an adopttion must take place for her entry to Germany? This is the only reason for wanting this done. well, my fiance loves her as his own as well but he does not want her bio-dad denied visits either.

Your fiance's need to return to another country does not trump the child's right to her biological father. His career does not trump the rights of the child either. Your needs do not trump the childs right to her father.

I think you're getting way ahead of yourself here. You and he are not married, therefore, you likely cannot petition the court for an adoption. Once you and he are married, you can then petition the court for the adoption, but the bio-dad would have to agree. If he does, fine, it goes ahead. If he doesn't, you will have a battle on your hands, because unless you can prove it is in the best interests of the child, you'll be out of luck. If dad has contact with the child through visitation and/or support, he has not abandoned the child, and can fight this tooth and nail. Unless there is some glaring reason to terminate his rights to his child, a judge likely will not do it, and a judge won't give a rat's behind about your marriage. You knew this would be a problem, the childs right to both parents takes precedence over your personal happiness.

Sorry, that's just the way it is. My other advice is to start contacting lawyers, because if you decide to go through with this, you'll need a good attorney.

 

[KarenCherie]

VeronicaGia - I appreciate your bluntness. BUT - I am not so interested in my personal happiness as much as I am interested in making sure my daughter is happy and well adjusted. And as for knowing - I beg to differ with you on that point. I didn't know about all this until my fiance and I decided to marry. Maybe that was stupid on my part. The fact is, I didn't start researching this until just a few days ago. So, with respect to your opinion, I feel that was a bit unfair of you to say that I knew this from the beginning. I have never been in this situation, having only been with my ex from the time I was 20 until now. I am not as world wise as many of you seem to be here. Maybe that is a liability - to be so stupid. I dont know. But I am sure of this - I know I will have a battle on my hands and believe me I will fight. Personal happiness aside - YOU should have walked in MY shoes the last five years. Maybe you wouldnt be so quick to assume I am thinking only of myself.

 

[kidoday]

I am confused. Germany doesn't allow stepkids into their country?