Child custody with father but my daughter is now 13

[dxglassman]

What is the name of your state? I currently live in Connecticut But mother lives in NY state.

I had gotten full custody of my daughter back in 1999 when she was 7 years old. I was living in Rochecter ny at the time and my daighter's mother lives in Massena, NY. The judge awarded me full custody (with unsupervised visitations with mother) to me due to my daughter I-witnessing her mother and boyfriend fighting physically. Now my daughter is 13 and she is telling me she wants to live with her mother. Now her mother is still seeing this boyfriend in which she had another child with and from what my daughter has been telling me during her visits with her mother that her boyfriend and her are still fighting (usually when boyfriend is drunk). Now the current court order does stipulate the her boyfriend must not be drunk during my daugher present. My daughter Kaylynn has told me on several occasions that her boyfriend was drunk when she was visiting during the summer visits (6 weeks on court order). Also appeantly the police was called out to her home to investigate a distubance at her residance however I from what my daughter told me her mother told the officers nothing is wrong. I am not sure how many of these incidents had occurred over the last couple of years. Also to add to this her mother had on several occasions got a restraning order against her boyfriend and had dropped them.
My daughter has been diagnose with bi-polar and adhd (taking medication for it) and is in a out-patiant program in connecticut which consists on weekly visit with a licensed counsoler (which kaylynn likes very much) and a child psychiatrist every three months.

My questions is if the mother takes me to court to gain custody of my daughter who has said she wants to live her will the judge (NY state) grant custody back to mother (just by my daughter's request) eventhought her household is a mess? My daughter's doctor has said that Kaylynn needs a schedule routine and living in a home that has all this going on would not help Kaylynn with her treatment

 

[rm1759]

Maybe someone else can give you more advice, but here is what I think. First, kids don't choose, while a judge might listen to a child in regards to custody, it is not a valid reason for a custody change. Generally you would need to have more than what the child wants. From what you have said, it doesn't seem to me like a judge would make that decision, especially if you can get her dr. to testify (or even better, get an affidavit from him) that it would not be good for her to live there...

 

[BelizeBreeze]

My questions is if the mother takes me to court to gain custody of my daughter who has said she wants to live her will the judge (NY state) grant custody back to mother (just by my daughter's request) eventhought her household is a mess? My daughter's doctor has said that Kaylynn needs a schedule routine and living in a home that has all this going on would not help Kaylynn with her treatment

While a judge will most likely listen to your daughter, that alone will not fulfill the requirements to amend the custody order.

A signifigant change in circumstances must also be present and judging from what you posted, the situation has not changed with the mother sufficient to award a change in custody.

 

[questionable10]

I don't have any legal advice but I do have some personal advice. My step-kids were raised with their Mom who had a drunken husband (of course she was too) and they have had several physical fights over the years. The Police had been called so many times that when we asked for the public records (freedom of information act) from the police department in their city she only had time to go back three years (and she had 3 days to get the info) and the file was already at least 1" thick. When we had custody of these two (they were already 15 & 16) we had them in for counseling, but by then they were so afraid that their Mom would find out that they were talking about her and the consequences that they would have, that they didn't make any progress at all. For reasons unknown to us, they went back with their Mom after about 5 months). The middle child is now in jail and was originally charged with attempted murder of his step-dad but the charge was later lowered to unlawful discharge of a weapon since he missed his step-dad. The youngest is in a continual state of depression but won't go for treatment. The youngest two are now over the age of 18 and even though we are there for them they are still afraid of their Mom. Based on my experience, please do not allow your daughter to move in with her Mom. Especially if she is already having problems,this will not help at all. If you need to talk, feel free to im or email me.

 

[Ron1347]

If you have records of the goings on at the mother's home, and the backing of your daughter's doctor, then HECK NO a judge isn't going to consider a change of custody!