Child in custody of the state in Washington, nearest blood relative in California

[AlexInCali]

Hello all. I am overjoyed to find this forum.

My partner and I live in California. We do not have an official domestic partnership at this time, but have been living together for about 15 years.

My partner is 31, and would like to become the legal guardian of his younger brother (13) who is currently in the care of the state in Washington (state, not DC).

We know that to start the process we need to file a petition for guardianship with the court in the country where he currently is.

There are no living parents. There is a grandmother, but she is not able to take any kind of custody due to her failing health.

The child in question was removed from the care of his mother many years ago.

My partner has been in contact with one of the social workers up in Washington. She has told us that the child "requires constant 24 hour supervision" due to some type of mental disability, but can not say exactly what's wrong with him. When asked, all we're given is "Well, he's just in his own little world." (Aren't many kids at that age?)

We do not believe that there are any other relatives that would file for guardianship of this child, nor do we believe there are any other family members who would object. The Grandmother is 100% supportive of the idea. The child has already pleaded with the Grandmother to be removed from where he is and to come live with her, but unfortunately this is not possible. However, the goal is to have the child live with us, so of course, he would be able to enjoy a relationship with his Grandmother as well.

I do not think there is much we can do at this time, since our financial situation is terrible. I lost my job a year ago, and my partner works 32 hours a week at a department store and makes next to nothing. I do make a good living when I am working. I work in Information Technology.

My questions are:

Should we apply for guardianship together so that my income (assuming I am working again soon) can be considered? Or, would it be better for my partner to apply on his own since he is the blood relative?

How does the fact that we live in California and the child currently resides in Washington state play into this? Which state's laws will apply?

Should we hire an attorney when we have the funds to do so? Or will the attorney appointed by the court in Washington be sufficient?

One more question: As of now, the social worker has not allowed my partner to talk directly with his brother. She requested he send letters, which he did, but there has been no response. He does feel like he's getting the run-around a bit, and would really like to just be able to talk to his brother. He already has his phone number (from the Grandmother) but the social worker has forbidden contact by phone. Is there anything more we can do on this issue from a legal standpoint?

If anyone has been through anything like this and has any advice to offer, it will be greatly appreciated.

(Sorry for the "we" here, I read the rules for newbies, but this really is something that we will have to do together. My partner is not the type to post on forums, but he is aware I'm writing this.)

Any help?
Thank you in advance!

 

[CourtClerk]

You've been living with your partner since he was a minor child?????

 

[AlexInCali]

You've been living with your partner since he was a minor child?????

Actually yes. Obviously, he was not my partner then. (good grief!)

It's a long story, but I was thrown out of my house at 15, and some nice people took me in. The same nice people took him in when he could no longer live with his mother. It was several years after that that her other children were taken away. She was an alcoholic, more or less refused to get help, and passed away as a result of it several years ago.

(That's the short version, anyway.)

 

[CourtClerk]

Actually yes. Obviously, he was not my partner then. (good grief!)

No, it's not that obvious, actually.

The long and the short of it is you have no dog in this fight, therefore, you shouldn't be applying for guardianship of anyone. Whether Washington would allow this child to go live in another state is doubtful. Also, your financial situation is "terrible," how do you expect to support a child? How do you expect to support a child that has this many issues and is obviously going to need a myriad of supportive services? What does your housing situation look like? Do you realize how many thousands of dollars an attorney is going to require to take this to court on your partner's behalf?

What has been the extent of this relationship between your partner and his brother, anyway? Simply being a blood relative isn't enough sometimes.

 

[AlexInCali]

No, it's not that obvious, actually.

The long and the short of it is you have no dog in this fight, therefore, you shouldn't be applying for guardianship of anyone.

Understood. But wouldn't there be some way my income could be considered? Yes, I am unemployed at the moment, but I normally make more than enough to support 3 people.

Whether Washington would allow this child to go live in another state is doubtful. Also, your financial situation is "terrible," how do you expect to support a child?

See above.

How do you expect to support a child that has this many issues and is obviously going to need a myriad of supportive services? What does your housing situation look like?

We live in a modest apartment in the San Francisco bay area at present, but there is no reason why that can't change. We know we'd have to find a place with more room. We don't want to move to Washington, however.

As for the "with this many issues" comment... that's just it. They won't tell him what the actual issues are. There is another younger sibling with Down Syndrome who is in actual foster care. The Social Worker has urged my partner to become his guardian as well, though said he need not take actual custody, but mentioned that it would be the right thing to do if something happened to the current foster parents. (Is she just filling us full of BS, or what?) And as far as the social worker goes, she knows we're gay and was very adamant about making sure that I was supportive of my partner's decision.

Do you realize how many thousands of dollars an attorney is going to require to take this to court on your partner's behalf?

Of course I do. I'm not stupid. But if that's what it's going to take to make it happen, that's what I'm ultimately prepared to do. Isn't it worth it? I think it is. The child is obviously unhappy where he is.

What has been the extent of this relationship between your partner and his brother, anyway? Simply being a blood relative isn't enough sometimes.

He hasn't seen his brother since the child was 8 years old. He had visited his mom and his brother (the younger one had been removed by that time) up in washington. At that point, they had a good brotherly relationship.

There is actually a third brother, but he's already been adopted. He does have a relationship with him as well, albeit just by phone. That's really one of the hardest parts, is he's been forbidden (at least at this point) to contact the 13-year-old brother by phone or to see him. The reason the social worker gave was that he must "start things slowly" and contact him by mail first. He's done that. But no response. What now? Are you suggesting we simply give up?

I do appreciate your insight and responses. Thanks again.

 

[AlexInCali]

One more thing...

The child in question has told the Grandmother on several occasions that he wants to be in contact with his older brother. This is why we don't understand why there has been no response, and why contact other than by mail is still forbidden.

Even if actual custody is something that's just not going to happen, for whatever reason, my partner wants to be in contact with his brother. Can they really prevent this? On what grounds?

 

[AlexInCali]

I made a mistake

Actually I've made a mistake. He did not see this child when he was 8. That was the other, older brother who has since been adopted. I don't think he's seen this child since he was a baby. (Sorry for the confusion... I am easily confused sometimes!)

 

[CourtClerk]

. I don't think he's seen this child since he was a baby.

Then there is no reason why the child shouldn't just be placed with a foster family within the jurisdiction of the Washington courts.

 

[AlexInCali]

Then there is no reason why the child shouldn't just be placed with a foster family within the jurisdiction of the Washington courts.

Well, here's where it gets even more complicated. The child was in fact placed with foster parents. (A gay couple, as a matter of fact.) We were actually happy when that happened because it certainly sounded like a good situation.

However, the child was removed from the situation after allegations of sexual abuse. According to what we've been able to surmise from the Grandmother... the state does not believe the allegations and thinks that he made it up. We haven't been able to get any more information about that. I'm sure there must have been some kind of investigation, but we are not privy to the result other than the knowledge that the same couple still has another foster child. (Apparently the Grandmother has a much better relationship with the state than we do. She is in contact frequently with both boys.)

The child is currently in some kind of group home.

What rights does my partner have in terms of contact with his brother, or even just to get information about him from the state? Basically none?

It's sounding more and more to me like the best thing to do would be to hire an attorney as soon as possible. Would an attorney who is a family member be able to help us, or would that be a conflict of interest?

Just want to say thanks again for your prompt responses. I really appreciate you taking the time to post here.

 

[AlexInCali]

On the other hand

The child is almost 14, so I keep telling my partner that even if there really is just nothing we can do, it's only 4 years until they can have whatever type of contact they want. If we had to go through some legal battle that would take up a good portion of the next 4 years, it may actually indeed be better to just do nothing.

That's been my take on it, anyway. My partner feels that the child is at risk where he is (some kind of group home) but I don't believe he's based that on anything other than pure emotion. I'm trying to stay completely logical about the whole thing, but while still somehow being supportive at the same time.

It's been difficult, because I want him to be able to have the relationship with his brother(s) that he wants. I know how important it is to him.

 

[LdiJ]

If your partner is going to do this at all, he really NEEDS an attorney, in Washington State.

I think that the social worker is concerned that your partner and you are not going to be able to handle his brother (due to the problems). I am confused as to why the social worker won't outline the actual problems that the child has, but I think that's the concern.

Clearly the child has already been shuffled around quite a bit, and the group home may be the most stable situation for the child at this time. If the social worker allows the child to be moved to CA, then if your brother cannot handle him, he will end up in the CA system instead of back in Washington state.

 

[AlexInCali]

If your partner is going to do this at all, he really NEEDS an attorney, in Washington State.

I think that the social worker is concerned that your partner and you are not going to be able to handle his brother (due to the problems). I am confused as to why the social worker won't outline the actual problems that the child has, but I think that's the concern.

I'm confused about that too. The thought does come to mind that there may not actually be anything "wrong" with him other than being a victim of the "pass the parcel" game. I don't know the details, but as you say, I'm sure he's been passed around a bit. Even though I don't know him, my heart really goes out to this kid, because I sure know what it's like to be that age and feel like no one wants you.

Clearly the child has already been shuffled around quite a bit, and the group home may be the most stable situation for the child at this time. If the social worker allows the child to be moved to CA, then if your brother cannot handle him, he will end up in the CA system instead of back in Washington state.

You've made some really good points, and the advice to get an attorney up in Washington is certainly good.

Thank you so much for the response. I really appreciate it.

 

[ariastar]

Bless you and your partner for taking the interest in a disabled child like this (though he may simply be "damaged" from his life). You know it's going to be hard, and are willing to be there. Unfortunately you have no legal standing though.

The best advice will be to obtain an attorney in WA if at all possible.

 

[AlexInCali]

Bless you and your partner for taking the interest in a disabled child like this (though he may simply be "damaged" from his life). You know it's going to be hard, and are willing to be there. Unfortunately you have no legal standing though.

The best advice will be to obtain an attorney in WA if at all possible.

I agree. He actually wanted to be able to take care of his other brother as well (the one who is now 17), but it just wasn't feasible at the time. At least, since his adoption, they have been able to communicate.

If I can get a new permanent job in my normal career path, we should have no issues on the financial side. I would hope they will take my income into account, especially if we are registered domestic partners.

Thank you so much for the kind words.