Child Support and College Expenses

[JorgaBell]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New Jersey

My husband and his ex divorced in 1999. He pays $140.00 a week child support. Pays 1/3 of daughters car insurance. And 1/2 of all dance related activities. When daughter started college (in fall she will be starting 3rd year) Dance activities pretty much stopped. He still pays 1/3 car insurance (mother pays other 2/3 as she doesn't think daughter should have to contribute).

When daughter started college DH and ex reached an agreement, on weeks daughter is in school. CS is $50.00 per week and weeks daughter is home (summer, xmas, etc) goes back to $140.00 per week. And they each contribute something towards college expenses. Ex orginally wanted them to split the cost of college so daughter wouldn't have to take out student loans. DH said no way. Ex earns considerably more than DH does.

Daughter has changed majors twice (makes tuition more) and will be moving into on campus apt (makes room and board more). Daughter is taking summer class to make up a class she will need for her major. (DH paying half ex paying other half). Expenses for 2006 will be higher because Room and Board is going to be higher (will be higher than tuition).

Dh and daughter do not have a very good relationship. Not for lack of trying on DH's part. He calls, sends cards, when we lived in the same state would visit her all the time. She calls only when she wants $$$ and that is it. Ok she does call at 11:59pm on Fathers day and his birthday.

WHen we moved to New York he asked her to visit several times she said no, didn't want to meet me. (she thinks I am the cause of the divorce, I am not) And she was just to busy. A couple of weeks ago when DH and ex talked about college expenses, she ranted about how much she spends on daughter, that she did not have to agree to reduced CS and that that will change, and that he should pay more towards daughters college. He told her they can work something out but paying full CS all the time and more towards college was something he couldn't do. She said she is having hard time paying bills and keeping up with daughters expenses. Daughter only works during summer (while in school she has fridays off and most evenings, she tried working, but it got to be to much for her, it lasted a few weeks). When DH mention to ex about daughter only having year and a half left of school, she freaked and said no she will be going for masters.

Anyway, daughter called out of blue wanting to come visit. Boy were we shocked to say the least. She wants a plan ticket sent so she can come on Monday and leave on Wednesday. Hubby is very suspicious. I told him keep an open mind, maybe she really does want to see him and maybe get things on the right track with him. I told him all along, give her time and she will come around. I am hoping with all my heart that this is the time and she truly wants to visit. He thinks her mother is putting her up to it, sort of a fact finding mission. I told him don't worry about it, that he is allowed to live his life. It's not as if he doesn't do anything at all. The really sad part is, if she was just a little bit nice to him, he would be putting money in her account all the time.

Sorry this is so long, I wanted to give you an idea of what is going on here. DH doesn't mind paying towards college would much rather have CS go to daughter. Will he need to go back to court and try to get CS lowered or have what he is paying in CS go to daughter? He really has no idea what she is going to do when she graduates in 2007, should he go ahead and try to get her emancipated when she graduates, if so when does he do it?

Keep in mind that ex makes more than DH does. Nothing is ever discussed with DH. When ever he asks questions, he gets the same response over and over, "I don't know". When he asks daughter anything she tells him to "ask Mom cuz she doesn't know"

Thanks for any suggestions and sorry about how long this is.

 

[Silverplum]

(snip) It will probably change her attitude towards him also.

mitzi, mitzi, mitzi...you clearly know so very little about human nature.

(snip) Obviously, the previous poster does not take into consideration the needs of children.

You're getting pretty dang big for your britches to be criticizing Nextwife, a senior member, aren'tcha? But your britches are big anyway.

As long as he is paying the same amount in child support and college expenses, what is the difference? Either way, it serves the same pupose. If she needs extra car insurance, why don't both parents split it in half! There are two parents that want the best for their child, everything should be split in half reguardless!

In YOUR way of thinking. Some/many parents who want the best for their kids make a POINT of NOT spoiling them. Some/many people believe that spoiling a kid makes them, ya know, ROTTEN.

It sounds as though you don't want your hubby paying and it is so obvious to his daughter what is going on...no wonder she doesnt want to communicate with him. It is very noticeable you are helping destroy their relationship!I do agree that the 'student' should pay for their own tuition at least!
And honestly, you need to not get involved because it should be between the mother, child and father only! (snip)

You know next to nothing about human nature, yet you seek to critique. (I'm a poet!)
Your big britches are showing again. And it is exceedingly unattractive!

 

[JorgaBell]

Thank you for your responses.

Legal - Agreement was signed between mom and dad

Mitzi32 - Where in that post did you get the idea that I am destroying their relationship? I do not have a problem with DH paying for anything that concerns his daughter. The problem I have is she treats her father like a wallet, doesn't have the time of day for him or what is going on in his life. She treats her father the same way her mother treats him. like trash. But I say nothing to him about it because why make him feel any worse than he already does. Nor do I say anything to daughter or ex as I do not speak to them. All contact is done thru hubby's cell phone as ex does not like me answering phone. As this is not about me, I am fine with it.

I tell DH all the time, don't worry, she will grow up and come around. One day she will ask questions. One day she will realize that her dad is not a bad guy.

I do not get involved in anything between the 3 because it does not concern me. The only reason I posted here is because DH asked me to. (better at typing than he is.

 

[MtnMoon]

Thank you for your responses.

Legal - Agreement was signed between mom and dad

What does the court order state with regard to when child support may end? According to NJ statutes, the court may order child support and college expenses even though the child reached the age of majority. There does not seem to be any certain age when a child becomes emancipated. See Wanner v Litvak, 433 A.2d445.

Hmmmmm... So, it appears that it is at the NJ court's discretion as to when child support will end. (Wow...I'm picturing a 30 yr old who isn't emancipated...) It would be fair to say that unless the court order containing the agreement about college mentions college expenses beyond a bachelor's degree...once your stepdaughter is about to graduate with her B.A. or B.S....your husband may petition the court for child support termination.

If the language in the court order is unclear or confusing...your husband might consult with an attorney. Many attorneys will provide free initial consultations.

Hope some of this helps! (BTW - kudos to your husband for helping out with college expenses!)

 

[stealth2]

I do agree that the 'student' should pay for their own tuition at least!

This seems a wee bit contradictory to what you'e posted before. Too bad that thread has "conveniently" disappeared.

 

[Silverplum]

Here's the thing, mitzi. You are not giving LEGAL INFORMATION to anyone. You are babbling, quite endlessly, about YOUR FEELINGS on a specific topic. And your ~~feelings~~ are not legal info.

Until and unless you are ready and able to provide solid legal info to posters, you are merely taking up space and babbling. Start being useful or go babble by yourself.

Here's a chance: this is the OP's legal question. See what you can do to answer it factually.
Will he need to go back to court and try to get CS lowered or have what he is paying in CS go to daughter? He really has no idea what she is going to do when she graduates in 2007, should he go ahead and try to get her emancipated when she graduates, if so when does he do it?

 

[Silverplum]

I only received legal information from a couple of people. All the rest were and you are guilty of the following:
"You were babbling, quite endlessly, about YOUR FEELINGS on a specific topic. And your ~~feelings~~ are not legal info."
I didn't see you answer the legal question either

I didn't answer because I am not in NJ and not familiar with NJ's laws. Others here are, and would give much more useful answers than I. You aren't familiar with NJ, either (or reality, so it seems)....hence my *hint.*

The point is not to rack up as many posts as possible, or to grind your axe, or to make your personal point come hell or high water. The point is to help and/or learn. Are you helping? Are you learning?

 

[MtnMoon]

Your stats seem off...but thanks for the idea!

approximately 19% of students file for bankruptcy.

Where does that statistic come from? Are you saying that 19% of all college students in the U.S. file for bankruptcy? And are you implying college students who file for bankruptcy are doing so because of college expenses? According to the Public Education Committee of the National Conference of Bankruptcy Judges, a substantial number of college freshman owe at least $1,500 in credit card debt...but not necessarily due to college expenses. It's more likely to do with irresponsible spending. The NCBJ points to the fact that credit card companies send offers to college students at registration...so there's a big piece of the problem pie. Chief Bankruptcy Judge John Ninfo stated "...many young people grow up thinking they can afford something if they can just charge it on their credit card." Lacking a good financial role model may be another big piece of the problem pie. The Dept of Justice reports that very few student debtors are filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy...and credit card debt levels even tend to be quite a bit lower than that of other debtors.

I'm actually glad you brought this up. It promotes an idea for a great project for a series of class sessions for students in middle and high school. So, I'm going to start researching. Have a great day and thanks for the idea!

 

[MtnMoon]

The point is to help and/or learn. Are you helping? Are you learning?

I know I went off the OP's subject in my last post... I am learning though! Got a great idea from mitz's post... Unfortunately, I just realized I've created a bunch of work for myself... Have a great day!

 

[haiku]

stealth....No, it is not contradictory...i was asking about college expenses and support...which includes a variety of things besides tuition. And if you read all the messages, I said it should be split betwen the parents and child. I prefer the child pays for tuition so they do a better job in school and understand what they are paying for so they don't decide to drop out. Of course for the child to pay for tuition, they need certain things to head them in the correct direction to get them started and to get college started and finanical needs paid for.

According to everyone else, throw them on the streets, no college expense support needed. Well, if that is how this world should be, it isn't going to be a pretty place. Also, if you didn't read my message before, approximately 19% of students file for bankruptcy. It would save people tax money if both parents would help out. You can teach a child about money, but when it comes down to needs, they will do anything if they can't make it on their own....and if it charging a credit card, they will do it.

Everyone just took off and ran with their own ideas that is why I deleted it.

Children need their own responsibilities also.

Jorgabell, read between the lines. I hate to say it, but it is obvious. You have many 'hits' against your step-daughter, not just facts. What would she think if she read it? Like I said, you don't have to tell her and you don't have to let her read it....she already knows.

mitzi, I know I answered your comment about bankruptcy on the thread you DELETED. WHy are you bringing up your MISINFORMED point AGAIN? As I stated before, college students default because credit card companies actively seek them out KNOWING they likely won't pay, or thier parents will bail them out......

And again, people looking out for thier retirement are NOT evil parents at all.

ALso you were pretty clear in ALL your threads that your daughters were not going to be responsible for any of thier college costs if you were able to get your ex to pay his "share".

I don't buy why you deleted your threads. if you write it, you should be able to own it. And there is always valuable information to be gleaned fro threads for others even if you did not like the LEGAL advice you were hearing.

 

[Silverplum]

I know I went off the OP's subject in my last post... I am learning though! Got a great idea from mitz's post... Unfortunately, I just realized I've created a bunch of work for myself... Have a great day!

You're ALWAYS helpful, so far as I've read.

And I'm not GOD (duh)...I just get vexed when all I can hear is the axe grinder!

 

[JorgaBell]

Thank You all for your responses. WHEW....

MtMoon the Court Order states: Husbands obligation shall terminate when the child is emancipated which shall be defined as the first occuring of any one of the following six events:

1) reaching the age of eighteen (18) yrs or completion of high school or four years of academic college education or attainment of post-graduate degree, whichever last occurs except that the husband shall have no obligation to pay child support or contribute to the auto insurance premium for the child after the child graduates from college;

2) marriage of child;
3) death of child
4) entry into Armed Forces of the US, whether voluntary or involuntary.
5) engaging in full time employment upon or after the child's attainment of 18 yrs of age, except that the child's engagement in full time employment during vacation and/or summer periods shall not be deemed emancipation.

Mitzi32 - Nothing you have written needs a reply as you obviously don't know what your talking about.

Again thanks to all for your replies.

 

[mitzi32]

To ya all:

What you are doing to help others legally, is wonderful!

But seriously, what you are doing now, is it HELPFUL!? Ummmm..NO!

I didn't say people saving for retirement are evil parents! I would like proof of that.

And who says you are right about credit cards? Show me proof!

Those are your own words that I would not pay any college costs! Did you read anything? Did you not read the statements of what I had to go through on my own and what can happen to people on their own that don't make it. Why would I want to put anyone through that? And since there are two parents, both should help financially. Which is the law in several states. Now why wouldnt' I want to help out if it were to save my child from disaster? Proof again...please!

I deleted the thread because of the non-illegal advice. If someone else would read the threads for help, I want to save them from the agony because they would not enjoy the 'non-legal' garbish. I plan to delete this one as well!

silverplum: If you are not from Minnesota, why did you give your non-legal information to my thread? Were YOU helping? I believe....NOT

Stealth: too bad you make up statements.

I am starting to think my ex is more compasssionate than you all....and that is scary!

Now, none of you have any further legal advice to give me, so you shouldn't have one word left to say to me.

 

[Silverplum]

To ya all:
What you are doing to help others legally, is wonderful!
But seriously, what you are doing now, is it HELPFUL!? Ummmm..NO!
I didn't say people saving for retirement are evil parents! I would like proof of that.
And who says you are right about credit cards? Show me proof!
Those are your own words that I would not pay any college costs! Did you read anything? Did you not read the statements of what I had to go through on my own and what can happen to people on their own that don't make it. Why would I want to put anyone through that? And since there are two parents, both should help financially. Which is the law in several states. Now why wouldnt' I want to help out if it were to save my child from disaster? Proof again...please!
I deleted the thread because of the non-illegal advice. If someone else would read the threads for help, I want to save them from the agony because they would not enjoy the 'non-legal' garbish. I plan to delete this one as well!
silverplum: If you are not from Minnesota, why did you give your non-legal information to my thread? Were YOU helping? I believe....NOT
Stealth: too bad you make up statements.
I am starting to think my ex is more compasssionate than you all....and that is scary!
Now, none of you have any further legal advice to give me, so you shouldn't have one word left to say to me.

Brainiac-mitzi: You can't delete a thread unless it's your own. And now that I've quoted your ranting, you can't delete that, either.

Now I'm done with you again. Trying to explain a new concept to you is like swimming in mud.

 

[stealth2]

And who says you are right about credit cards? Show me proof!

Uuuh, since YOU are the one who brought up the bankruptcy info, YOU should be the one putting your money where your mouth is.

I deleted the thread because of the non-illegal advice.

Uuuh.... non-illegal advice would be.... legal advice, right?

Stealth: too bad you make up statements.

Too bad you're an idiot. Which even OP seems to recognize.