Child Support vs Termination of rights

[jlc614]

I have made several posts here about my situation but let me try and summ it up. I have a 3 1/2 yr old son. I have sole custody (court ordered) after 2 yrs of no contact from bio-father...we were never married......I returned to court and had the visitation that he had revoked..I didn't want him to show up one day and demand to see my son when he hadn't been around at all. Well I have heard from my son's father twice in three and half years. He called once this past December and said he was in the area could he see my son. Against my personal choice I decided that for my son we could meet in a public place and would introduce him as a friend for now. Bio-father has admitted to drug problems and at one time made violent threats to me. Well anyway he called the next day at 10:00pm..(hours after we were suppose to meet and he was a no show) to say that he had left the state again and would not be back for years. The only other time I heard from him was a few months ago when my father passed away. My son sees his paternal grandmother everyother weekend Saturday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. My son knows my husband as daddy...that was his choice and he is aware of the difference between daddy and father. I have never had a child support order because it is useless.....he already has two other children he doesn't support and support courts haven't been able to get him for that. Sorry so long.....My question is this....My husband would like to adopt my son. I have been talking to people and they have suggested I get a support order to show that he's not paying. Is this true? Can my sons paternal grandmother fight the adoption???? Please help

 

[tigger22472]

Here's where you get leverage. I'm not sure when you stopped visitation that you actually got his rights or not. If you did then you can go ahead with the adoption. If not... find him, contact him and let him know that your husband would like to adopt your son. If he gives you any lip tell him fine you will go for a support order and unlike the other mothers you will persist and persist(wether or not you or even they do) until you get it. Pretty much tell him you will make his life a living hell if he doesn't allow the adoption. I'm much in your situation or at least hope to be soon. I may be pushed to stop visitation legally soon. My children were just talking tonight how they would like to have their name changed to my SO's last name and couldn't understand that I had to get their "real" fathers permission for it. I've told them if I can't do anything before they are 18 and they still want it I will pay the price to have it changed. b

Also if bio-dad signs off rights his mom can't stop the adoption and if you don't need his permission she still can't.

 

[jlc614]

Thank you for your response Tigger! Unfortunatley the only number I had for him is disconnect and when I last spoke to him and to quote "I wouldn't feel right about letting him adopt him, however I am not financially ready to support him." My son has my last name and always has....thankfully my husband took my last name when we got married so we would all have the same last name. I know that it doesn't give him an legal rights but at least we all have the same name. Bio-father did say last time I spoke to him that he finally had a job he liked and the had run a check on him and he didn't want any trouble..so maybe the support order will be the push he needs to step aside and let a real daddy accept responsibility. Thanks and good luck Tigger.

 

[tigger22472]

Isn't that nice of him to let you know he's working, knowing you can't get any money from him. Call a lawyer for a free consultation. They may just tell you to put an ad in the paper.

Here's what I've done so far. My ex lived with his sister until she kicked him out. When he moved out he told her he wasn't telling her where he was moving because she would tell me. He then lived with his brother for a while until again THEY kicked him out. His mother lives in a senior citizens community and has continually told the sister he's not living there because she KNOWS the sister would tell me. His sister is a past single mother fighting for support so she helps me in any way she can. At any rate we KNOW he's stayed there at least some because we found out his mother has received 4 warnings in 6 months for my ex and another of his sisters staying with her. We go to court this Wednesday for child support($12,000 behind). Two weeks ago I sent a certified letter to his mothers house to him. She signed for it 2 days later. The following day the dummy called my OLD phone number. I live in a very small town and someone I know has my old number and called and told me about the strange call she received. Now I know when we got to court he is going to pull this crap that he doesn't know where I'm at and my phone number etc.... He doesn't realize I'm sure that I got a return receipt and have his mother's signature on it. He will then try to say that is his permanent address if he pulls the crap I think he will. I'm soooooo ready to nail him.. I'm soooooooo excited...

 

[Grace_Adler]

I think you can get him on abandonment too. In most states, if not all, this will terminate his parental rights. Good Luck.

 

[jlc614]

Someone told me that I would have a problem getting him for abandonment because there is no support order. Is that true? Does anybody know?

 

[tigger22472]

I would say the support order wouldn't be priority actually however I could be wrong. He has the knowledge that the child is his. I believe the support matter when there is an order in place but again I could be wrong. Call a lawyer for a consultation or call your local prosecuter's office in the child support division and see if they can help.