child support

[miltons74]

What is the name of your state? california

my wife and i divorced 4 yrs ago. i left her and our son (was 2 at the time) and didn't have contact with them for 6 months. then i only saw our son a couple days a week for a few hours. i still had alot of thinking to do about my life. she went down to the court house and made it so i would have to pay her $202 a month and she got primary physical custody. she was doing daycare in the home at the time so i didn't have to pay for any daycare. when our son turned 4, she decided to go back to school and got a full time job outside the home. she took me back to court and raised the support to $455 a month!!! i didn't make that kind of money and by california state law, they can only take out half of my wages and anything that i can't pay gets put into back child support. so i was only able to give her $150 a month. it got to a point that i owed her $6000 in back child support.

then, last year, she took me to court. she didn't want to change child support, she wanted to get authority to change visitation. she told the judge that our son had adhd and bi-polar disease. i said it was bull **** and that he was just a boy. but the courts bought into her story since i don't see her that often. she also had papers from doctors who had diagnosed him supposedly, her friends and family and his teachers. his teachers said that from the time he was 4 to now (he's now 6) he has been violent and unruly and they cannot give him the attention he deserves. so she wants to put him in a private school because she feels the public schools aren't able to help him. there's nothing wrong with public schools! i went to public school. but the courts agreed based on her evidence that it would be in his best interests. the courts now said that i could have him an extra hour on my days, but not overnight since i didn't have a stable residence.

then she got really mean. she got a job with a law firm a couple of years ago and asked one of the attorneys for some legal advice. she told them they she was upset that she wasn't able to get the financial help from me (even though i was doing the best i could) and the attorney told her that i could tell him that if he doesn't pay me $2000, that she'll take it to the da's office and have it garnished from my wages. i had paid her the $2000, but it was all in cash and the attorney said that she could add that money on to back child support because the courts wouldn't be able to trace it!!! so she called me on the phone and blackmailed me! i told her i couldn't pay it and she did go down to the da's office.

so now, i owe over $7000 in child support. i begged her to go down to the da's office and change it, but she told me that i needed to get educated as a man and as a father and needed to started getting my own **** together because she had done all of the stuff for us. i don't have time to go down there! i guess she was having a change of heart because she was going to go down to the da's office to see if she could reduce the payment. she found out the day before she was going down there that i had another job that i didn't tell the da's office about. she told this to the da's office and said that they said it would be in her best interest to NOT change the amount since i was in contempt for not reporting my other job. so she never changed it!

she's been living with her boyfriend for the past 2 yrs with our son in a big house (he makes over $200,000 a year) and they are going to move to another city in california and then get married next year. do i still have to pay that amount to her after she gets married since he makes so much? and am i screwed since i don't have proof that i paid her in cash? i think that she is trying to screw me over to spite me since i was the one that left her! i also just moved out of state and want to have our son for the summers. she said that i can't have him since i didn't go back to court to change visitation. i think that's bull. what can i do???

 

[Bre's_mom]

Well, because you paid her in cash, there is no way of proving that it was paid, always use a check or even better a money order, and make a copy of it. And write on there what it is specifically for. As far as not having to pay back support cause she's getting married, you still will have to. I don't see why you can't ask for more visitation with your son during the summer, but you never know. It sounds like she is trying to screw you any way she can. I can't understand why she would take the money and then basically say that you didn't give it to her, that's messed up, I wish you luck with your situation...

 

[stealth2]

As long as there is an order for a specified amount of support - you are required to pay it. If you don't, you can be found in contempt and the money you're not paying starts accruing interest. That doesn't go away until you pay it all back.

If you want more visitation, you can file a modification to have the current order changed. But you'll need to show a change in circumstance.

What her boyfriend does or doesn't make is moot. It's not his kid - it's yours. YOU and SHE are the ones responsible for supporting him. Seems as though she's gone the extra mile to raise this child. Can you say the same?

 

[stealth2]

Isn't it interesting, Bre's Mom, how two different people can have two such different takes on a situation? C'est la vie!

 

[miltons74]

my ex said that i can't have him during the summer because the last time we went to court i signed papers stating that i would only have him on certain days for certain hours, not overnight. she also said that since i can't get the money together to pay for support, how is our son going to fly to and from? my parents said they would help me with the money for the tickets until i get a job. she said she's not going to let our son fly to me alone even though they have flight attendants to be with him. she said she doesn't fell comfortable with it.

she said that she was going to make it so i had to pay the extra $2000 that i paid her in cash because i didn't tell the da's office that i had my other job. how's a guy supposed to live when he only works 20 hours a week? i couldn't afford to pay her what the courts said i had to pay her.

and momma tigger-i do try to be there for my son. my father is ill and i want to be with him. my girlfriend and her children and i don't have a job right now and are living with my parents, but i do plan on getting a job. can i get arrested if i try to go to court to get visitation since i am behind in child support?

 

[stealth2]

Since your current visitation order does not include summer visitation (or, apparently, any overnight visitation) your ex is well within her rights to refuse your request.

I don't know the legalities of what she's doing with respect to the 2k, but to simply hand over 2k in cash and not get a receipt is foolish. As far as working only 20 hours a week - dude... How about a second p/t job? Your CS was calculated based on your working fulltime. If you don't do that - it's your problem to solve.

Can you get arrested when you go to court for visitation? All depends on the laws in your state and just how far behind you are. But certainly expect the judge to raise the issue of your arrears with you.

I realize this is going to sound harsh, and I'm sorry for that. But your first responsibility is to supporting your son. Not your g/f and her kids, not your Dad - your child. I know the economy's tough. I've been unemployed for the better part of a year myself, and I can tell you that CS doesn't go that far. So I take my little college-educated butt over to the barn where my kiddo rides and work it off for extra money in the bank. Watering horses and mucking stalls makes me more money than working at BK - which I'd do if that's how I needed to support my kids. Time to take responsibility, my friend.

 

[Bre's_mom]

Isn't it interesting, Bre's Mom, how two different people can have two such different takes on a situation?

I am totally lost on what you meant, by what you said?