child to child molesting

[dragondad69]

What is the name of your state? wi

i am divorced with three kids. my exwife has custody. my daughter is staying with me because she is in an out-patient therapy hospital and i am doing all the transporting. she was admitted for bad behavior. the other weekend she went home and was molested by her older brother. she is 12 he is 14. i am trying to keep him out of jail while protecting my daughter. social services has been called and daughter has been interviewed by worker and cop. my son has his interview in a few days. while doing her interview, it came out that this may have been going on for about 6 years. i have already set up counceling for the boy. i also have a youger son who has claimed that older brother hits him constantly. my question is this- should i have a lawer present for his questioning? is he in risk of going to jail? this is the first time he has any involvement with police other than being a victem of hitting by his mother. (i called the cops on her, no charges) i want to get custody but i dont have a bedroom for my daughter. i live with girlfriend and her son (also 12) can anyone help me out on this?? thanks.

 

[stealth2]

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be looking to get custody of the two kids. I'd also be looking at moving to a new place with enough room for your daughter to at least have her own room, preferably for all three kids to have their own space.

(edit) and yes, your other son NEEDS an attorney.

 

[dragondad69]

just an update. i got a laywer for my son and she told him not to say anything to the cops or cps. she said let them work with what they have. he has started counceling and hopefully this will help. my daughter is out of the hospital and back in school. there are a lot of diffrent laws and regs involved in this. i have a unique position in being on both sides of the case and have gotten a lot of conflicting orders. i am hoping i have done enough to keep my son out of prison but the judge (if it goes that far) he may have to see has made a career out of putting children away for a long time. he had a whole prison built right in the middle of the worst part of town just for kids!! my daughter has been acting kinda weird but that is to be expected. she really hasen't displayed and victem type symptoms,though. i will probabaly get custody of her by default. i see that there have been many visitors to the site but only one person has anything to say? i really want to know -is this a common problem? one that people dont talk about? i know its embaressing but i need to hear from someone that has had it happen to them and how they delt with it. please.

 

[stealth2]

I don't think it's that people don't want to talk about it, but that it's a situation that many here may not have any experience with. I know I haven't. I certainly wouldn't second-guess what his lawyer recommends.

One thing that would concern me, however, were I in your shoes would be the possible outcome that the cops/cps don't have enough evidence of the abuse and therefore your son is returned to his home, you don't get custody - and your daughter is returned to her mother. Assuming you don't doubt the truth of the accusations (and it seems you don't), your son is a very troubled young man who needs serious help. I would be very leery of allowing either of my children around him. I hope your investigating (with his counselor) what type of long-term treatment would be appropriate - both for your son's sake and for the sake of any other children he may come into contact with. And I hope your daughter is also receiving counseling, whether she's exhibiting classic symptoms or not.

Good luck.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

I don't think it's a matter of no one wanting to talk about it -- I think it's more a matter that requires obtaining a lot more information and history that what you are probably able to give here. I'm familiar with sexual offenders because I've worked the prison system and have read profiles on pedophiles, rapists, etc, and their histories frequently involve having been physically and/or sexual abused at a young age. Sexual assault and battery to the degree you have described is not a "common" problem between siblings even in "bad conditions" or "bad upbringing", but when it does occur, it frequently has involved the child being a victim themselves to a physically and possibly sexually abusive parent or other significant adult in the child's early life. Do you know (or do you have any suspicions) that this may have ever occurred? Nonethelss, the 14 year old is facing some serious allegations against him and needs help, as do the other children, too. I would suggest you get a very good attorney, one who has experience with this type issue.


Good luck.

hmmbrdzz

 

[MsMesha]

Dragondad69,

Ive read your posts a few times and I was bit hestiant to responding. My family and I have been through a almost similar situation. My oldest daughter was being molested by my husbands adoptive minor brother. My daughter was 5yrs and he was 14 or 15 when the incidents began occurring. When I was finally told my daughter was 8yrs old and he was 17 or 18. It was an extremely difficult time for the entire family because my husband and I stood on my daughters side of the issue and my husbands mother stood on her adoptive son's side of the issue. The adoptive son strongly denied that my daughter was lying but when he was questioned at CPS by the caseworker and the cops, he admitted everything. The molester is currently serving time in prison for this crime. My husbands mother had a severe stroke after her adoptive son confessed. The ties between my husband and his mother are ruined and I dont allow her to see my children because of her willingness to come right out and tell my daughter and my other daughters as well, who were made victims because he made them watch, they are liars.

This kind of situation can destroy a family. Especailly when the perp. is a family member. Our main focus has been on the victim, giving little thought to the molester. You are indeed in a hard place because both are children of your very own. While typing this I am reminded of a situation with my cousin and her daughters. My cousin has 3 daughters. The oldest daughter was allowing the 2 younger daughters to fondle her breasts. The younger children told their mom, my cousin, and she had to report it to CPS because the grandmother threatened to contact them if she didnt. My cousin had decided to punish the older daughter and rearrange her schedule so that the younger children wouldnt be alone with the older daughter at any moment but the grandmother wanted more. Her punishment for her older child was counseling and not being able to babysit any children. CPS eventually agreed with my cousins "punishment" and recommended that all three girls get counseling, the younger children are never left alone with the oldest nor can the oldest babysit ANY children regardless of age. When asked why she allowed the younger children to fondle her breast, she responded, "They wanted to and I let them." My cousin and her children are now getting the counseling they need to move forward. Be sure that when the dust settles, you, and all three of your children are getting some counseling. My cousin was able to keep her feelings about the situation separate from the children because she didnt want her oldest to feel like she could do this and not get punished and she didnt want her youngest two to feel like mommy was on the oldest side. Be careful when dealing with both. Deal with them separate and outside of each other. Comfort your daughter and allow her to freely talk about what bothers her about the abuse. (You will hear alot of things that may make your stomach ache. It will hurt but, for your daughters sake, bear it, trust me, I know what Im talking about) When dealing with your son, let him know that you still love him and what he did was wrong. From reading all of this, Im sure you can see why you will need counseling also......hope my advice helped!! If you ever wanna chat, let me know.

 

[dragondad69]

i am back. i guess i should clairify the actual problem. this is really kinda embarrasing but i am not sure if it really qualifies as molestation. what my son did was to creep into his sisters room, pull her pajamas down and masterbate over her. he came on her and it woke her up. there was no penetration and as far as i know he did not touch her other than to remove her clothing. again, as far as i know. i do not know if anything else has happened at another time but my daughter is saying that it might have. my son was not sexually abused that i know of and i think this is a result of raging hormones rather than some violent act. i know that it sounds like im making excuses, but not. i am trying to understand why he would be driven to do something like this. he has been overcome with remorse and is sorry he did it although he cannot give me a rational explanation why it happened. i know this act is definatly a violation of her person but it is hard to find the right classification of the crime. the two of them are in counceling and i am working on getting the third in. plus there is a family theripest aready in the waiting, pending the outcome of the charges and leagal stuff. i have tried to distant myself from this as much as possible, letting the laywers and theripests do their thing, and this helps keep me sane. i am here for my kids as much as possible and i do have a very open relationship with them all. i know they will all get over this eventually but the thing that scares me the most right now is the legal parts for my son. he needs help, not jail. i will keep this updated as things happen.

 

[dragondad69]

they took him today. 1st degree s. a. theyr'e making him sit over the weekend. it starts. goes for probabale cause hearing monday. the da and pub. def. get to play there game first.

 

[dragondad69]

well my sons laywer has requested trial. i am not going to let this happen. in order to prove him right they will have to drag my daughter in and prove that she is a liar. this also wont happen because they would have to put the mother and i on the stand. the defense would end up proving the defentant guilty. he is offered a 1 year deal in a treatment facility under a first degree s.a. charge. if he is good for the year and in treatment, then it will drop down to a 4th degree, which is a misdemenior. he will still have to give a dna sample for file but at least he wont have to register as a sex offender. i am working with social services and both attornys and i will end up taking custody of the reamining two kids. the courts have already put a seperation order between mom and daughter because mom has shown no concern for the victem and all her attention is on the boy. this has turned our lives into a living hell. the mothers boyfriend has done lots of damage by pissing off most of the people involved and threatining me. he has been trying to turn my boys against me and keeps calling me a chicken for not fighting with him. i taped some of what he said and showed it to my ex. he has been very nice since then. updates forthcoming.

 

[stealth2]

It sounds that that's likely the best outcome you could have expected all around. Best of luck to all of you.