children's activities

[imxoz]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma
Okay Okay I know I am just venting. I have a daughter that is playing volleyball (JrHigh) and a son that is playing with a competitive/prof. soccer team. Both children discussed their desire to try out for and be a part of these activities. I don't plan things on the ex's weekend. He did agree and told them to do what they wanted to do. Now when it comes his weekend he pours on the guilt.i.e. "Obviously you'd rather play soccer than call me." It is so unfair on the kids, having to deal with this. This weekend one has a volleyball tourney for a couple of hours on Saturday morning and the other a game later in the afternoon. You know I get to do things I don't particulary want to do becasue it falls under the realm of being a parent. I hear (he hasn't spoken to me yet or returned my emails) that he is working all weekend. Not sure what step mom is doing. I hear he is going to let me take them. LET ME! My lands it is his weekend and yes I am forced to take them becasue he either is working or usually just states "I dont want too." But to put it I will let you. Who's doing who a favor????? I know I am venting but I get so sick of parents not realizing that they are to fit into the kids lives vs kids fitting into theirs. You know, one is in JH, things are only going to get worse LOL prom........... I know he is not making any points with this behavior but I just feel sorry for them.

 

[imxoz]

Bump
Anyone else ever feel this way?

 

[tigger22472]

I know how you feel. My ex (when he actually took visitation) would call me at the last minute and tell me that he was informed he had to work and he couldn't take the kids. One time my husband and I had plans already for a concert and it couldn't be changed. So I ended up putting out another 40$ in a babysitter(i pay really really well, and it was an important event for us). When I took the kids to my ex the next day I was ticked and told him I felt like it was unfair because he had them 4 days a month and on the other 26 if my husband or I had to both work the same shift or whatever we had to find a sitter so I felt he should of too. It's not like he couldn't, he has all kinds of family in his town. He told me he didn't care what problems I had and that it wasn't his fault he had to work etc... So, sometimes as the CP you have to know that you are the parent 24/7/365 where they don't have to be.. at least according to them.

 

[jaa4d]

I can relate completly!!! My daughter is involved in a very active girl scout troop. Whenever an event it scheduled that happens to fall on his weekend, I immediately let him know. We have in the past managed to switch weekends (with a lot of complaining on his part) so that she can attend camping trips, community service activities, whatever. Like it would kill him to do something with her!

If something is scheduled for my weekend, then is rescheduled for whatever reason, he completely flips out! Like I was behind it or something. So, now he tells her that she isn't going to go to anything that is on "his time". He won't switch weekends anymore. He has even told her and I that her troop is too active. They do too much.

It is so frusterating. I bend over backwards for this jerk, trying to include him and all her can do is complain and tell her that he isn't going to allow her to spend "his time" doing other things. Then he actually has the nerve to tell me that he feels that he should have custody of her because he promotes a "family life" and all I want her to have is a "social life"! I could scream, really scream!!!

I know that I'm venting as well! But, our court date is Friday. It is illegal to shoot him, correct? lol

 

[tigger22472]

I'm sure someone will come along and correct me if I'm wrong.. but I do believe there is this little law somewhere on the books that makes murder illegal. It could just be a state thing though... so you might want to check My DH and I used to tease that we were advertising a shooting range in our back yards... ONLY ex's were allowed..

 

[jaa4d]

Darn it! I just knew that I had heard of something about that. Maybe if I just shoot him in the foot or something. That's allowed, isn't it? lol

All kidding aside, though. Hopefully all of this will be resolved on Friday. Once we have an order (we don't have one right now) then we should be able to get back to normal. Or at least as close as possible, under the circumstances. lol

 

[imxoz]

Thanks you guys for your support. It just frustrates me that number one that he is doing this to the kids. Number two I realize that he is the one that will pay by not having a good relationshipo with his children. I know I am not responsible for that, but I get to deal with their broken hearts and they get that forever. I am a psychologist and it is incrediable how adults do not think how their actions and selfishness is effecting their children. These are our future leaders and adults. They will be making the laws and and decisions about our future. My heart was just breaking for my 9 year old son that comes to me crying after a phone call of guilt and saying "why does he say these things." Then I have to give a speech about whn people react like that its about whats going on with them. A lesson that no child should have to learn. How to be more mature than their parent. It is wrong! We cleared this soccer deal with him prior becasue I anticipated all of this. My son is good at it and the competitive preprofessional club wanted him. He has ambitions to get scholarships and needs the training that the booster clubs can't give him. To make him feel bad that he is getting what he needs to fulfill a goal to be successful ought to be illegal.

 

[victmich]

On the flip side of this......

I have a son, age 9, from a previous relationship(no contact with BD) who has played soccer every season since he was 4 years old. My daughter on the other hand lives with her BD(these are 2 different dads here) and is 8 years old. She usually plays baseball and is involved in activities during the week. Recently her dad moved them about an hour away and all of the sudden signs my daughter up for soccer. On my weekends that means both my kids have games. One an hour away and one close to my house. This means getting up at a ridiculous hour of the morning, traveling for an hour, playing one game, traveling an hour back for son's game etc. etc. I think BD did this as an inconvienence to me. My daughter has never been interested in soccer before(I don't really think she is now - but dad is the coach). I find it VERY interesting that now that they are far away all of the sudden soccer is in the picture. This past Saturday my daughter had a game at 9:00 am. My son at 1:00. This entailed waking up at 6:00AM to get ready to leave by 7:30 in order to be there by 8:30, had the game at 9:00, not over until nearly 10:30, after goodbyes to BD, SM etc. it's nearly 11:00 when we get in the car for the hour drive back noon when we hit the vicinity of the next game, barely enough time to swallow lunch in order to get to next game in time.
This is my life EVERY weekend for the next 2 months!!!!! It's crazy. You CP's need to think about this.....not all of us NCP's don't want to bring our children to there events, but sometimes it's virtually impossible. Later on this season one of them plays at 9:00 and the other at 9:30. How am I supposed to decide who has to miss there game and whoe doesn't?

Remember there are always 2 sides.....

 

[jaa4d]

victmich....

I wasn't talking about all situations. Obviously, every situation is going to be different. In my case, there is only one child involved. Other than girl scouts, she has no interest in any other outside activity. In other words, she is terminally "not athletically inclinded". It's kind of sad really. lol

In your case, I don't know why your ex moved. I can see how it would be difficult to do what you do. Virtually impossible on some weekends. You are wonderful for caring enough to participate in your children's activities. My ex, on the other hand, has no desire to anything with her. He is content for her to sit in his house and look at a TV all day. He sees her as a trouphy to be won in this custody battle. That is my main reason for being frusterated. I know that he has the capacity for being more of a dad to her than he is. I hope that he will turn things around before it's too late.

Good luck with your situation.

 

[victmich]

jaa4d.....

I think that he moved completely out of spite and vindictiveness to be honest with you. We have geographical limitations in our divorce decree and he wanted me to agree to letting him move outside of those boundaries(so that they could be close to his wife's family). I would not agree to his terms of the move so he instead moved as close to the boundary as he could without being in contempt.

 

[imxoz]

But once again Victmich we're talking about children paying the price for adults issues. Thats my point. Hang in there.

 

[soniasaini]

A child's relationship with a parent is far more significant than a few missed scouting events.

 

[jaa4d]

soniasaini....

Oh, I'm all for his and her relationship. That's why I ALWAYS try to give notice and switch weekends with him if something comes up. That way he doesn't loss any time with her. And I know that if plans are made, there isn't anything that can be done. But, if there are no plans, what's that harm in switching weekends? And I encourage him to participate, even though he rarely does.

But, what really boggles my mind is that he "expects" her to be available to him at a drop of a hat. However, he wouldn't go out of his way to do anything "with her". He sees their relationship as his right. And it is. But, as a normal 11 yr old, she is developing interests outside of being with mom or dad. That isn't for his inconvience, that's life! He wants her to be involved in his life, under his terms and not him be involved in hers. That's what the most frusterating! She loves him to death and he likes to get his kicks in making her feel like crap for wanting to do something that she truely enjoys. I would think that a reasonable and caring parent would want to be involved in what she enjoys.

Now, I'm venting again. lol

 

[soniasaini]

He most likely views "her" interests as "your" interests and therefore resents them. (...not saying it's right, but that's probably how he sees it...)

 

[jaa4d]

Well, I could understand that if I were one of the troop leaders, which isn't the case. I guess for the most part, I'm disappointed that he doesn't at least try to do things with her. If he were to get her involved in something in his home town and then participate in that. A father/daughter bowling league, something!!! Anything!!! I wouldn't hold it against him. I may want to come to some of the special events too, but I wouldn't begrudge her doing something just because the event happened to fall on "my time" as opposed to "his time". That's rediculous! And, it isn't like his time with her is limited in any way. I have her for the school year and he gets her every other weekend. Then he has he for the summer and I have her every other weekend. And that's not counting the time that we mutually agree to switch around.