clothes, gifts and such

[Gingermom]

What is the name of your state? OH

I am the NC parent for now, but my ex's wife is telling my child that she cannot bring home thngs from my house or my child is made to give back items....such as coloring book, cookies, and at easter...her easter basket with all the candy in it. What's going on with that. She is told that a NC parent cannot have their things brought to the Cusodial parent???? What is that?

Thanks

 

[stealth2]

The CP is under no obligation to allow the child to take things back and forth. It's rather silly, but that's his/her choice.

 

[BL]

What is it with that ? Vindictiveness , hurting the Child's emotions .

What an low down ass .

 

[stealth2]

My ex is the same way. If it comes from here, they are not allowed to bring it with them. To the point of emptying their bags on my front lawn. Imagine the mortification an 11yo girl feels when her father is throwing feminine pads around in a fit of temper in front of her friends & neighbors.

 

[Kansas4me]

So, we traded him chocolate, or a peice of fruit for each thing that she sent him, and hubby gave the basket back to BM, and explained why he couldn't have the things that she sent.

So you "traded" with him. He doesn't feel shorted. He can still feel he got something from his mom. The other case sounds more like the child gets NOTHING! She is given a gift from mom just to hear, sorry you can't bring it here. You only get to see it/play with it/ wear it every other weekend. Deal with it!

 

[Ambr]

Had similiar problem with my ex. I got a little sneaky though. The last time we had a modification, I had some additional wording thrown into the parenting plan.


We add this little clause and snuck it right past everybody.


That the said children’s property, whether given to them as gifts, received in payment for tasks performed, or other, is their property, and it’s respective disposition is theirs to designate. The children shall designate where their property will be kept. The party concluding his/her parenting time shall not refuse to surrender ANY items belonging to the said children. ALL items sent with the children, for their benefit or use, including but not limited to medicines, eyeglasses, orthodontia or auditory appliances, clothing, shoes, coats, boots, school books, library books or any other item which belongs to the said children, shall be promptly made available to the children for their parenting time with the other parent.

 

[Ron1347]

Now 'I' like that! Bet you're happy it went undetected. It's amazing sometimes what they just take for face value, and DON'T read. Even 'some' attornies aren't nearly as watchful either.

 

[thetsgtswife]

Had similiar problem with my ex. I got a little sneaky though. The last time we had a modification, I had some additional wording thrown into the parenting plan.


We add this little clause and snuck it right past everybody.


That the said children’s property, whether given to them as gifts, received in payment for tasks performed, or other, is their property, and it’s respective disposition is theirs to designate. The children shall designate where their property will be kept. The party concluding his/her parenting time shall not refuse to surrender ANY items belonging to the said children. ALL items sent with the children, for their benefit or use, including but not limited to medicines, eyeglasses, orthodontia or auditory appliances, clothing, shoes, coats, boots, school books, library books or any other item which belongs to the said children, shall be promptly made available to the children for their parenting time with the other parent.

Oh Now that was good!!! Wish we had thought of that!!

TSGTSWIFE

 

[Ambr]

Well, things between ex and I on communication goes back and forth so much that I can't really depend on common sense being his deciding factor. Our parenting plan is very detailed, that sucker is L-O-N-G.

Everytime I have a problem with him, I sit down and work out the wording and save it on my computer. The next time we are going through court, we try to sneak it past them.

So far, we have gotten 3 little clauses kicked in like that. His only had a lawyer for one of those and he either didn't think it was a big deal or didn't even bother to read what was sent over by my lawyer.

We also added.....

First right of refusal to care for children.

That one parent can not plan activities that include other parents time and is not allowed to discuss those activities with child to manipulate outcome.

an enforcement clause giving law enforcement the OK to remove children if visitation is ever denied or interferred with.

a clause for step-parents rights....transporting, sharing info for school, etc, seeking medical services. But it specifically states that stepparents can not use corporal punishment. i know that limits some disciplinary actions, but in our case stepmom was trying to use oldfashioned school paddle and I was about to bust it over her.

Voluntarily consent to out of state / out of country vactions not to exceed 10 days.

even detailing how the disputes and disagreements have to be handled. step by step. through discussion, mediation and on up AND that no actions can be taken until it is resolved. STOPS the 'ole I'll just do it anyway.

 

[Ron1347]

Well, things between ex and I on communication goes back and forth so much that I can't really depend on common sense being his deciding factor. Our parenting plan is very detailed, that sucker is L-O-N-G.

Everytime I have a problem with him, I sit down and work out the wording and save it on my computer. The next time we are going through court, we try to sneak it past them.

So far, we have gotten 3 little clauses kicked in like that. His only had a lawyer for one of those and he either didn't think it was a big deal or didn't even bother to read what was sent over by my lawyer.

We also added.....

First right of refusal to care for children.

That one parent can not plan activities that include other parents time and is not allowed to discuss those activities with child to manipulate outcome.

an enforcement clause giving law enforcement the OK to remove children if visitation is ever denied or interferred with.

a clause for step-parents rights....transporting, sharing info for school, etc, seeking medical services. But it specifically states that stepparents can not use corporal punishment. i know that limits some disciplinary actions, but in our case stepmom was trying to use oldfashioned school paddle and I was about to bust it over her.

Voluntarily consent to out of state / out of country vactions not to exceed 10 days.

even detailing how the disputes and disagreements have to be handled. step by step. through discussion, mediation and on up AND that no actions can be taken until it is resolved. STOPS the 'ole I'll just do it anyway.

Now I 'REALLY' like that part that I've highlighted! I wish my former daughter-in-law would ask for exactly such a clause be instituded in a modification! I would 'love' to see my grandson's step-mother NOT allowed the use of corporal discipline measures! I may just put that little bug in former daughter-in-law's ear.

 

[thetsgtswife]

Well, things between ex and I on communication goes back and forth so much that I can't really depend on common sense being his deciding factor. Our parenting plan is very detailed, that sucker is L-O-N-G.

Everytime I have a problem with him, I sit down and work out the wording and save it on my computer. The next time we are going through court, we try to sneak it past them.

So far, we have gotten 3 little clauses kicked in like that. His only had a lawyer for one of those and he either didn't think it was a big deal or didn't even bother to read what was sent over by my lawyer.

We also added.....

First right of refusal to care for children.

That one parent can not plan activities that include other parents time and is not allowed to discuss those activities with child to manipulate outcome.

an enforcement clause giving law enforcement the OK to remove children if visitation is ever denied or interferred with.

a clause for step-parents rights....transporting, sharing info for school, etc, seeking medical services. But it specifically states that stepparents can not use corporal punishment. i know that limits some disciplinary actions, but in our case stepmom was trying to use oldfashioned school paddle and I was about to bust it over her.

Voluntarily consent to out of state / out of country vactions not to exceed 10 days.

even detailing how the disputes and disagreements have to be handled. step by step. through discussion, mediation and on up AND that no actions can be taken until it is resolved. STOPS the 'ole I'll just do it anyway.

YUK!! thats terrible!!

we have a corporal punishment clause in my husbands order and it applies to everyone! Didnt affect us though becuase the kids are being tortured if we take away the skate board for a week, ground them to thier room, etc. LOL

We did have problems with my step son not being allowed to bring things home from his moms after summer breaks and christmas breaks until he finally just told his mom that he didnt understand why she got things like shoes for him that he couldnt bring home with him becuase when he came back they will not fit him anymore. After he said that to her he has been able to bring what ever he choses (within reason) back and forth from home to home.

I dont think she realized how petty she was being until he pointed it out to her that she was affecting him when she was trying to get back at us.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[Ambr]

Don't get me wrong.......I was raised that when you screwed up, you were going to get spanked. And lord help us, if we got in trouble at school, we were going to get in trouble at home.

Dad and Mom both use the theory that on some occasions, kids need spanked. I know that this will probably spark the spank / no spank wars, but is just our personal opinoins.

BUT.....stepmom received a wooden paddle, the ole school marm style. And she would use it to spank the children. I requested that she not use it, to use her hand and technically there is a law in missouri that limits what she can use to spank the children with. BUT she continued to use the paddle and she was leaving welps and bruises. It was coming to the point that I was forced to attempt to file charges against her to get her to stop. I don't know if anyone has dealt with DFS in MO for this issue, but they don't give it alot of presidence since their other abuse cases are so much more graphic. So now......ex is held responsible for the actions of the woman he chose as his wife. When it came to the point that he was in contempt every time she did it --- he put his foot down.

It also included school officials. Had that put in since there was a big issue about one of the teachers being excessive. If our kids need it, they get it. And if I get called to the school for a disciplinary reason for them and they deserve it, they will get it. But it will be by me or dad, right there in front of the school officials. We had to sign a "no paddle" slip for the school.


EDITED FOR BOLD SECTION ---- We use every other method first, taking their toys and stuff didn't seem to do the trick for my kids, but take that allowance away and they just about die. LOL!!!
Again.....just personal opinions.
Here is the wording if it helps.....

(10) That the Step-Parents of said children shall have the right to :

(a) transport said children for parenting times and custodial periods, school, activities or trips, or to provide any other transportation required in the parenting and custodial care of said children.
(b) share information with any school official or other authority or agency, physician, counselor, psychiatrist / psychologist, health care professional, activity supervisor, friend, relative or any other person concerned with the health and well-being of said children for the purposes of providing said children with proper care and supervision.
(c) seek regular and emergency medical care for said children under the guidelines of this Order, and to consent to such care should the need arise, and a custodial Parent is not available to consent to such care.

(11) The Step-Parent shall NOT have the right to administer corporal punishment, or physically strike said children for any reason whatsoever.

(12) That corporal punishment of said minor children, IF ANY AT ALL, is administered only by the natural Mother or the natural Father. Both parties are restrained from allowing ANY other person to administer corporal punishment to said minor children, including School Administration or Authorities.

 

[thetsgtswife]

Money talks in our house too.

Im still spinning over step mom spanking the kids. I have never laid a hand on my step son in anger or disicipline, its not my place. I however will ground him, take things away, etc but I would never strike him.

I was raised with a belt as well but Ive been blessed with children(this statement may come back to haunt me) that just dont need it. They are really good kids, they have moments, but not many.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[casa]

Had similiar problem with my ex. I got a little sneaky though. The last time we had a modification, I had some additional wording thrown into the parenting plan.


We add this little clause and snuck it right past everybody.


That the said children’s property, whether given to them as gifts, received in payment for tasks performed, or other, is their property, and it’s respective disposition is theirs to designate. The children shall designate where their property will be kept. The party concluding his/her parenting time shall not refuse to surrender ANY items belonging to the said children. ALL items sent with the children, for their benefit or use, including but not limited to medicines, eyeglasses, orthodontia or auditory appliances, clothing, shoes, coats, boots, school books, library books or any other item which belongs to the said children, shall be promptly made available to the children for their parenting time with the other parent.

This is similar to what I'm trying to have implimented in my plan with our child. The father plays games with her things and doesn't let her bring things etc. He thinks it hurts me, but it only disappoints our daughter. She is too young to understand why her Moppet bunny can't go with her to visit her Daddy.