Cohabitation and a temporary custody order

[shaejay]

I live in North Carolina . I have a one-year-old son . There are a lot of details to this so I hope I at least give enough for someone to give me an honest opinion :

Recently I move to a beautiful home in Apex North Carolina (Peak of good living here , lots of luxury) this actually came about when my boyfriend realize tell me and my mother’s relationship was affecting me . I’m 22 so naturally I was ready to leave the nest anyway . Him and my son have developed a beautiful relationship and I want to move my sign in with me. The problem is I didn’t know that my temporary custody order prohibited guest of the opposite sex and I’m guessing that includes cohabitation . I had my son stay with my mother for two weeks until we got the house in his room in order . To my son ,he doesn’t notice the difference because I am there when he wakes up and I also put him to bed each day after work (as usual I would do when I was at work living there, I just go home instead of going to bed there) Although me and my mother’s relationship is rocky she loves her grandson dearly and I appreciate her help in this mo although me and my mother’s relationship is rocky she loves her grandson dearly and I appreciate her help in this move. The problem is his father treated me very poorly while I was pregnant to the extent of him not even wanting him . Long story short he had money for a lawyer and I spent my savings to make sure that my son had everything that he needed so when child custody came about ( because he was mad that I put him on child support $27 a week) I didn’t have much of back up there . I’m actually OK with the order he gets my son every first and third and fourth weekend of the month . My boyfriend has made it possible that I can afford to take off some days of the week so that my son sees me more (granted this even gets approved) and not when I’m just winded from an 8-5 struggling to stay awake and play with him . Recently my child’s father has been questioning the whereabouts of my son in me which he asked my mother already and he told him that the baby still live there and I don’t which is absolutely true . But now that his room and everything is in order I do want my son to live with me . His father is refusing to let that happen and honestly as much as I feel that any father could have a valid reason he doesn’t in this is actually just out of pure spite him because he can . My son has it great here And I work so hard to get everything in order so he’d And I work so hard to get everything in order so he’d have The best of the best like any mother would want to even dream of giving their child. I don’t know how to go about going around the “opposite sex” rule or if the courts would even hear me considering that we are not married . I offered my child’s father the chance to come and sit down with us even see where my son is staying so he has a peace of mind that he is safe and Sound. I am unsure if I should go at this alone without a lawyer again or if it’s even worth taking to court . But what I DO know is our lives are a lot better with two incomes and two parents (or father figure , or even just care giver if you will) in the house . (I can give more detail if needed I’m just drowning in my thoughts this has me extremely upset)

 

[Just Blue]

I live in North Carolina . I have a one-year-old son . There are a lot of details to this so I hope I at least give enough for someone to give me an honest opinion :

Recently I move to a beautiful home in Apex North Carolina (Peak of good living here , lots of luxury) this actually came about when my boyfriend realize tell me and my mother’s relationship was affecting me . I’m 22 so naturally I was ready to leave the nest anyway . Him and my son have developed a beautiful relationship and I want to move my sign in with me. The problem is I didn’t know that my temporary custody order prohibited guest of the opposite sex and I’m guessing that includes cohabitation . I had my son stay with my mother for two weeks until we got the house in his room in order . To my son ,he doesn’t notice the difference because I am there when he wakes up and I also put him to bed each day after work (as usual I would do when I was at work living there, I just go home instead of going to bed there) Although me and my mother’s relationship is rocky she loves her grandson dearly and I appreciate her help in this mo although me and my mother’s relationship is rocky she loves her grandson dearly and I appreciate her help in this move. The problem is his father treated me very poorly while I was pregnant to the extent of him not even wanting him . Long story short he had money for a lawyer and I spent my savings to make sure that my son had everything that he needed so when child custody came about ( because he was mad that I put him on child support $27 a week) I didn’t have much of back up there . I’m actually OK with the order he gets my son every first and third and fourth weekend of the month . My boyfriend has made it possible that I can afford to take off some days of the week so that my son sees me more (granted this even gets approved) and not when I’m just winded from an 8-5 struggling to stay awake and play with him . Recently my child’s father has been questioning the whereabouts of my son in me which he asked my mother already and he told him that the baby still live there and I don’t which is absolutely true . But now that his room and everything is in order I do want my son to live with me . His father is refusing to let that happen and honestly as much as I feel that any father could have a valid reason he doesn’t in this is actually just out of pure spite him because he can . My son has it great here And I work so hard to get everything in order so he’d And I work so hard to get everything in order so he’d have The best of the best like any mother would want to even dream of giving their child. I don’t know how to go about going around the “opposite sex” rule or if the courts would even hear me considering that we are not married . I offered my child’s father the chance to come and sit down with us even see where my son is staying so he has a peace of mind that he is safe and Sound. I am unsure if I should go at this alone without a lawyer again or if it’s even worth taking to court . But what I DO know is our lives are a lot better with two incomes and two parents (or father figure , or even just care giver if you will) in the house . (I can give more detail if needed I’m just drowning in my thoughts this has me extremely upset)

Were you and Dad married/still are married? You have a court order. You must abide that order. Please keep in mind that your boyfriend is just that...your boyfriend. He is not a father figure. Your son already has a father.

 

[laurakaye]

You wrote: "my temporary custody order prohibited guest of the opposite sex and I’m guessing that includes cohabitation"

Why do you have a temporary custody order?

 

[shaejay]

Were you and Dad married/still are married? You have a court order. You must abide that order. Please keep in mind that your boyfriend is just that...your boyfriend. He is not a father figure. Your son already has a father.[/QUOTE

No we were not married . And it’s a temporary order (not sure if that means much). But let’s make this clear I am in NO way bitter or that kind of female . I had my doubts because of the negative way he was going about having a son , but my son LOVES his father . I would never dream take that away and I’m know way am I trying to replace that. Although My boyfriend has been a key player when I was sick after having him , we are all clear on roles here . It is just a midst of jealousy on his fathers end . It started when he refused to help out . I didn’t fuss I didn’t argue , my boyfriend who’d I keep out of things actually found out what i was going through eavesdropping . Hes provided diapers , baby sitting on occasion , even helping with materials (crib , toys , etc) and they ALSO have a great relationship . Its hard to find someone like that these days . I would hope that my ex would do the same in choosing his S/o and treat my son as her own as well.

 

[shaejay]

You wrote: "my temporary custody order prohibited guest of the opposite sex and I’m guessing that includes cohabitation"

Why do you have a temporary custody order?

Honestly ... I couldn’t tell you this is my first go round with this (and hopefully last) I thought that’s usually how it goes . All I know is no sooner that I finally made the decision to put my child’s father on child support , I get a custody hearing date . It’s not like I didn’t let the man visit or spend time with his son when he wanted already . I don’t even know how to proceed because I didn’t feel a need to think about changing it until now . Are they usually not temporary?

 

[laurakaye]

Honestly ... I couldn’t tell you this is my first go round with this (and hopefully last) I thought that’s usually how it goes . All I know is no sooner that I finally made the decision to put my child’s father on child support , I get a custody hearing date . It’s not like I didn’t let the man visit or spend time with his son when he wanted already . I don’t even know how to proceed because I didn’t feel a need to think about changing it until now . Are they usually not temporary?

----------------

Your child's father paid for an attorney to initially establish a custody order.

Based on what you've written:

1. his father treated me very poorly while I was pregnant
2. my child’s father has been questioning the whereabouts of my son
3. I do want my son to live with me . His father is refusing to let that happen (it doesn't matter that "you feel" it's out of spite)

I would not recommend that you continue to violate the temporary custody order.

A temporary order can be modified by the trial court for any reason, Smith v. Barbour, but a ‘permanent’ order only can be modified based on a showing of a substantial change in circumstances affecting the welfare of the child. GS 50-13.7; Simmons v. Arriola, 160 NC App 671 (2003).

If your child's father takes you back to court for violating the temporary custody order, he can certainly argue two things:

1. You violated the temporary order, and
2. There has been a substantial change in circumstances (not even necessary to prove when under a temorary order)

You write: I am unsure if I should go at this alone without a lawyer again or if it’s even worth taking to court .

1. You are probably not going to be the one initiating the court action;
2. Since you've violated the temporary order, it would be foolish to represent yourself.

 

[shaejay]

----------------

Your child's father paid for an attorney to initially establish a custody order.

Based on what you've written:

1. his father treated me very poorly while I was pregnant
2. my child’s father has been questioning the whereabouts of my son
3. I do want my son to live with me . His father is refusing to let that happen (it doesn't matter that "you feel" it's out of spite)

I would not recommend that you continue to violate the temporary custody order.

A temporary order can be modified by the trial court for any reason, Smith v. Barbour, but a ‘permanent’ order only can be modified based on a showing of a substantial change in circumstances affecting the welfare of the child. GS 50-13.7; Simmons v. Arriola, 160 NC App 671 (2003).

If your child's father takes you back to court for violating the temporary custody order, the can certainly argue two things:

1. You violated the temporary order, and
2. There has been a substantial change in circumstances (not even necessary to prove when under a temorary order)

You write: I am unsure if I should go at this alone without a lawyer again or if it’s even worth taking to court .

1. You are probably not going to be the one initiating the court action;
2. Since you've violated the temporary order, it would be foolish to represent yourself.

 

[shaejay]

He

Actually he knows where his son is . I told him , my mother told him , hes never not known where he was. I’ve came to the obvious conclusion that yes I need a lawyer ,but all this just som my son who came out of me can live with me ‍ It’s not even like let’s say worse case scenario my son has to live with his father .... he can’t . He personally won’t even swap spots with me if given a chance because hed have to drop out of school (which I had to do and he said that’s the cost of “being a mother”)

 

[shaejay]

Is cohabitation really this frowned upon ? I can see if I was an unfit mother and my s/o was a drug dealer or somthing ... we are literally as close to the family you see on Christmas cards it’s sickening on the outside looking in lol just trying to lighten my anxiety with a little humor

 

[Just Blue]

He


Actually he knows where his son is . I told him , my mother told him , hes never not known where he was. I’ve came to the obvious conclusion that yes I need a lawyer ,but all this just som my son who came out of me can live with me ‍ It’s not even like let’s say worse case scenario my son has to live with his father .... he can’t . He personally won’t even swap spots with me if given a chance because hed have to drop out of school (which I had to do and he said that’s the cost of “being a mother”)

Please remember that 1/2 of that child "came out of" dad as well. And you actually did not "have" to drop out of school...you chose to. Many woman finish their schooling while pregnant and even after baby is born.

 

[Just Blue]

Is cohabitation really this frowned upon ? I can see if I was an unfit mother and my s/o was a drug dealer or somthing ... we are literally as close to the family you see on Christmas cards it’s sickening on the outside looking in lol just trying to lighten my anxiety with a little humor

You BF is NOT the baby's family. He is the guy you sleep with. LEGALLY speaking. Baby's family includes: Dad, You and both your immediate/extended families.

 

[shaejay]

Please remember that 1/2 of that child "came out of" dad as well. And you actually did not "have" to drop out of school...you chose to. Many woman finish their schooling while pregnant and even after baby is born.[/QUOTE

“Many women” doesn’t include the women who literally can’t and don’t have the means to do so . It was a rough pregnacy . I don’t know if you’re trying to help or be judgmental ...

 

[shaejay]

You BF is NOT the baby's family. He is the guy you sleep with. LEGALLY speaking. Baby's family includes: Dad, You and both your immediate/extended families.

He’s also the guy that made sure food was on the table while I was sick and sat up with my son while his “dad” was still pissed about the fact I decided to keep my son ... I’m literally asking one thing in particular and you’re replying like I personally hurt you

 

[HRZ]

the court order counts a whole lot and if it orders no cohabitation then that's what it means like it or not ...until such time as somebody gets the court to change it.

To willfully violate it is like giving dad free bricks to throw at you ....don't do it

 

[shaejay]

the court order counts a whole lot and if it orders no cohabitation then that's what it means like it or not ...until such time as somebody gets the court to change it.

To willfully violate it is like giving dad free bricks to throw at you ....don't do it

THANK YOU . That’s all I was looking for . Some honest insight not judgment on the situation . I literally just want to know what to do here . I’m not trying to violate the court order that’s why I’ve taken certain precautions.