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Cohabitation and a temporary custody order
- Thread starter shaejay
- Start date
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Just Blue
Senior Member
sigh...I am trying to educate you. I will stop bothering.
Just Blue
Senior Member
post #2.
You aren’t bothering me ... just seems like your kinda driving a nail in the wrong 4x4 here. I’m trying everything I can to do this the right way . All I want is peace ...
Just Blue
Senior Member
I commented on only things you posted. Yes...It wasn't always the main question...but points I thought were important for you to know when going to court.
Eekamouse
Senior Member
What precautions are those?
Making sure I stayed true to not changing my sons address. So I haven’t violated the order , I’m trying to go through the necessary steps I have to take to get it changed .
If you have not physically moved your son in with you and your boyfriend, you haven't violated the "opposite sex” rule in the court order, so that is good.
On the other hand, your child is supposed to be living with you, not your mother, so if you're living with your boyfriend while your child is living with your mother, that's a violation of the court order.
I say these things to you not to pass any kind of judgment, but to encourage you to exercise caution.
Courts frown on co-habitation for a reason; there are valid reasons that clause appears (and is subsequently enforced) in custody agreements across the United States. It has nothing to do with your perception that the father of your child is acting out of spite. It's not a clause intended to punish you or to deny your future happiness.
Custody agreements are designed to consider one thing: the best interest of the child.
There are alarming statistics regarding child abuse and the presence of a non-related male in the household.
On the other hand, your child is supposed to be living with you, not your mother, so if you're living with your boyfriend while your child is living with your mother, that's a violation of the court order.
I say these things to you not to pass any kind of judgment, but to encourage you to exercise caution.
Courts frown on co-habitation for a reason; there are valid reasons that clause appears (and is subsequently enforced) in custody agreements across the United States. It has nothing to do with your perception that the father of your child is acting out of spite. It's not a clause intended to punish you or to deny your future happiness.
Custody agreements are designed to consider one thing: the best interest of the child.
There are alarming statistics regarding child abuse and the presence of a non-related male in the household.
- A child with a biological mother who is living with a man who is not the child’s father is 33 times more likely to suffer abuse.
Source: Dreamcatchers for Abused Children - Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents.
Source: Journal of American Academy of Pediatrics, 2005
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Very often, the longer a "temporary" order continues w/o issue, the more likely it is to become permanent. However, a few thoughts for you to chew on...
Often, when parents have never married (one another), cohabitation/no paramour clauses are found rather meaningless, as neither parent was much concerned w/waiting to marry. That doesn't mean you don't get to ignore them... BUT, given that it was included in your current orders (as well as the state you live in.... let's face it - southern states tend to be more conservative...), it may well stand wrt a permanent order. Of course, if you and b/f were to make your arrangement "permanent" (i.e. get married), it renders that argument somewhat moot... Not that it should be a reason to rush to the altar.
And I know this wasn't included in your question, but in for a penny. Now, as a mother yourself, you may be better able to understand your Mom a bit. Many (if not most) would have difficulty accepting their daughter both becoming an unwed mother, but also dropping out of school. I know I would have been. So don't let past issues with her affect your relationship now.
It does also slightly give me pause that your b/f is the one who convinced you to leave your home w/Mom and spend nights away from your child. Who is there when he wakes up wet at night, or from a bad dream? Just something to think about.
Often, when parents have never married (one another), cohabitation/no paramour clauses are found rather meaningless, as neither parent was much concerned w/waiting to marry. That doesn't mean you don't get to ignore them... BUT, given that it was included in your current orders (as well as the state you live in.... let's face it - southern states tend to be more conservative...), it may well stand wrt a permanent order. Of course, if you and b/f were to make your arrangement "permanent" (i.e. get married), it renders that argument somewhat moot... Not that it should be a reason to rush to the altar.
And I know this wasn't included in your question, but in for a penny. Now, as a mother yourself, you may be better able to understand your Mom a bit. Many (if not most) would have difficulty accepting their daughter both becoming an unwed mother, but also dropping out of school. I know I would have been. So don't let past issues with her affect your relationship now.
It does also slightly give me pause that your b/f is the one who convinced you to leave your home w/Mom and spend nights away from your child. Who is there when he wakes up wet at night, or from a bad dream? Just something to think about.
LdiJ
Senior Member
I think that you need to get a consult with a local attorney. A local attorney can better tell you the climate of your local courts and how the judge would feel about cohabitation. If you know for certain that the father does not want primary custody, then a judge could not prohibit you from cohabitating with your boyfriend. Also, if you are not careful about how long you leave your son with your mother, you could also end up fighting with her over custody of your son.
Get that consult with a local attorney as soon as possible...do it this upcoming week.
That’s definitely some penny for thought ... but I left out a detail . It wasn’t that I moved out of my moms because I wanted to . I moved out because I HAD to. Honestly I would’ve been homeless . I stayed in a hotel for two weeks and was EXTREMLY blessed with this house . My mother’s boyfriend and me don’t get along to well. My son is completely safe there . It’s me that comes isssue . Me and my mother don’t get along to well either ( part of that I think stems from her divorce with my father ,but she won’t admit it and to stubborn to just talk out her problems with me ,but I digress) regardless there’s been too many explosions and my mother being 57 and not wanting to be “ alone” decided to side with her boyfriend. So after years of her saying it and with a very hurtful unforgivable comment from her boyfriend , I left . I packed me and by son some essentials , and left . I just couldn’t take it anymore . The mental abuse , the flashbacks of all the things that has happened in that house ... it’s a wonder I never drove myself mad . Per my custody order I was made to get a psych eval. (I was insulted but confident in my health so I did without protest) turns out the only thing they could find wrong was “ displacement disorder” . I’m fine just as long as my two pinpoint stressors ( my mother , and child’s father) were not in contact or close proximity. Since I moved I feel like I can exhale, I’m not belittled , I’m not scared , I have the “me” part of me back , I don’t think about the flashbacks as much , or hidden away in my room.... overall my mood is just brighter. I was scared , upset , but I have improved so much mentally and physically that I know this is what I should’ve been pushed to do a long time ago. Just never could afford it on my own with a child . I do admit I’m more lucky than most when it comes to jobs ,but now more than ever I wasn’t going to jump out of my mothers house with my son knowing we’d be evicted just as sure as we moved in. Sorry for the novel ,but I figured if I’m telling the whole truth I should at least include the reason why I left . It wasn’t healthy ... and in some instances it didn’t feel safe for me (my son is fine they adore him and I’m over there like I’m never left) but my mom giving me the boot ... was probably the best thing that ever happened. In all honesty Im over 18 she had no legal obligation to let me stay there no matter how much I helped out . She’s done me wrong ,but she’s still loved because no matter what our relationship is she is a AWESOME grandmother .
Oh I know FOR SURE he doesn’t want full custody . He constantly reminds me . Even if he did his mother won’t “let him” because they are paying for him to go to school and he isn’t allowed to have our son in the student apartments because of the excessive drugs and alchohol he mentioned . So how it works is he comes home from Greensboro,NC , to WakeForrest, NC . Approx hour drive . Every time he has visitation for the weekend . He may as well have been taking him back to Greensboro , or having a girl stay while at his parents house ,but I would never know . .... but in the same breathe I honestly don’t care . I just hope if he does find someone that she’s serious about him and my son and she treats him as if he was her own while he is in their care .