Concerned Father

[titanofold]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

The bio father of my 12 year-old son has re-surfaced after 10 years of not having anything to do with him. This man has not paid a dime for my son. My son believes I am his bio father because that is how my ex-wife and I decided to deal with the situation. I have not legally adopted him but I have supported him financially.

Did the bio father give up his rights by neglecting my son for 10 years?

Do I have any legal rights?

 

[CourtClerk]

He's not your son.
His father still has his rights intact.
You may want to tell this boy the truth, finally.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

The bio father of my 12 year-old son has re-surfaced after 10 years of not having anything to do with him. This man has not paid a dime for my son. My son believes I am his bio father because that is how my ex-wife and I decided to deal with the situation. I have not legally adopted him but I have supported him financially.

Did the bio father give up his rights by neglecting my son for 10 years?

Do I have any legal rights?

Your EXwife should consider putting your STEPson into counseling.

He's been lied to for 10 years, correct?

He's going to need some help.

 

[bononos again]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

The bio father of my 12 year-old son has re-surfaced after 10 years of not having anything to do with him. This man has not paid a dime for my son. My son believes I am his bio father because that is how my ex-wife and I decided to deal with the situation. I have not legally adopted him but I have supported him financially.

Did the bio father give up his rights by neglecting my son for 10 years?

Do I have any legal rights?

What does his Father want????

 

[TampaFlaMom9]

for starters-

North Carolina Stepparent Adoption Documents

*looks like you should have taken care of this legally a long time ago...

State Links for Termination of Parental Rights Carolina
(Termination of Parental Rights)


"North Carolina

Statute: §§7B-101(2); 7B-1111

Grounds: Abandonment or extreme parental disinterest, abuse/neglect, mental illness or deficiency, alcohol or drug induced incapacity, failure of reasonable efforts, abuse/neglect or loss of rights of another child, failure to provide support, failure to establish paternity, child judged in need of services/dependent, child’s best interest, child in care 15 of 22 months (or less), felony assault of child or sibling, murder/manslaughter of sibling child, child willfully left in foster care, aggravated circumstances.

Exceptions: State may elect not to file petition if: 1) the permanent plan for the juvenile is guardianship or custody with a relative or some other suitable person; 2) court makes specific findings why TPR not in best interests of child; 3) the department has not provided services deemed necessary for the safe return of the child."

*i would guess if dad has shown up and is showing interest that you are going to have an infinitely harder time of it now...sounds like you may need a consultation with a good lawyer...but do not be surprised if he tells you no way to block father now

 

[TampaFlaMom9]

Im not trying to throw any false hope your way...based on what you said so far you dont stand a chance...

Basically the mother and the bio dad are the only ones with rights at this time, and the child of course

...If there never were any papers, what has Biological Dad got to proove he's the dad?

If parentage has been established by DNA, is there an actual custody order, was child support required?...

Dad is unlikely to appreciate a 10yr backlog of child support... depends on the dad but some have been willing to relinquish parental rights for less, some will just get angry and make your life miserable

The Dad doesnt owe you a dime for the support you voluntarily provided...
If he owes the kid he should be made to pay, but mom gets to decide how this will be handled, Understand?...

How did you get past the last name on the birth certificate thing?...
just a trifle but wouldnt you and mom be found out at some point
anyway?
You seem absolutely sure the kid hasnt got a clue...I find that hard to believe. The kid is 12, he has 6years left to forgive you for being so
dumb, I hope you raised him well enough to manage that.
The only thing that has made this into a crisis is the lie.

-TFM

 

[Proserpina]

TFM....you're offering some great information there.


I just hope you're not wasting your time and that we're not being trolled by Kelly...who may or may not have discovered the "caps lock" key.

 

[mistoffolees]

Im not trying to throw any false hope your way...based on what you said so far you dont stand a chance...

I'm not going to try to estimate the chance, because it IS possible to terminate parental rights for abandonment, but at present, bio dad is the dad (if the father and mother were married at the time of birth and/or there has been a paternity decision by a court).

By pretending that SF is the father, they are putting themselves at risk for great harm in 2 ways:
1. In theory, they could lose custody over the matter. Not bloody likely given the father's disinterest, but they could certainly earn themselves a severe reprimand from the court.
2. They're setting themselves up for MAJOR problems with the child. If the mother and stepmother are willing to lie to him for 10 years over something as important as that, how can he believe ANYTHING he tells them. When he finds out (and he will, one way or another), they're likely to have a major rebellion - or worse - on their hands.

I agree that they need to tell him ASAP and get him into counseling. Maybe they can salvage the situation.

And, it is 100% correct that the stepfather has ZERO rights in the matter. Even if the father's parental rights are terminated, the SF has absolutely no rights unless he adopts the child.

 

[milspecgirl]

and now that dad has resumed contact, it is really too late to file the abandonment charges and stepparent adoption. The judge would not take kindly to that retaliation.

 

[acmb05]

and now that dad has resumed contact, it is really too late to file the abandonment charges and stepparent adoption. The judge would not take kindly to that retaliation.

You got that right, and I have first hand knowledge of this in NC.

 

[acmb05]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

The bio father of my 12 year-old son has re-surfaced after 10 years of not having anything to do with him. This man has not paid a dime for my son. My son believes I am his bio father because that is how my ex-wife and I decided to deal with the situation. I have not legally adopted him but I have supported him financially.

Did the bio father give up his rights by neglecting my son for 10 years?

Do I have any legal rights?

I am not saying this is what happened but have YOU had a conversation with the child's father? You may very well want to. You may or may not know the whole story.

Couple of questions. How long were you and the ex together? When you got divorced did you include this child ( who is not legally yours) as part of the court process? Like did you ask for and get visitation and do you pay child support for the child?

How long was the child's father gone when you met the mother and did she move to the state you met her in?

This could very well have been a woman (like my ex) who took the child and disappeared and it took him this long to find her. All I am saying is, don't believe everything the (ex) told you.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

and btw he is not bio dad, he is dad. the only dad this child has. he is not your son, no matter how much you love him and what you do for him. a judge will not take kindly to you overstepping your bounds and leading the child to believe your his dad when you are not. you have no rights to the child and you never will.

And you felt the need to pipe up because..... and He COULD possibly have had legal rights to the child IF he had adopted. Dannyt you just need to FOCUS and quit parroting answers when they've already been answered by KNOWLEDGEABLE people. Which, btw isn't you.

 

[dannyt]

he cant adopt

for starters-

North Carolina Stepparent Adoption Documents

*looks like you should have taken care of this legally a long time ago...

State Links for Termination of Parental Rights Carolina
(Termination of Parental Rights)


"North Carolina

Statute: §§7B-101(2); 7B-1111

Grounds: Abandonment or extreme parental disinterest, abuse/neglect, mental illness or deficiency, alcohol or drug induced incapacity, failure of reasonable efforts, abuse/neglect or loss of rights of another child, failure to provide support, failure to establish paternity, child judged in need of services/dependent, child’s best interest, child in care 15 of 22 months (or less), felony assault of child or sibling, murder/manslaughter of sibling child, child willfully left in foster care, aggravated circumstances.

Exceptions: State may elect not to file petition if: 1) the permanent plan for the juvenile is guardianship or custody with a relative or some other suitable person; 2) court makes specific findings why TPR not in best interests of child; 3) the department has not provided services deemed necessary for the safe return of the child."

*i would guess if dad has shown up and is showing interest that you are going to have an infinitely harder time of it now...sounds like you may need a consultation with a good lawyer...but do not be surprised if he tells you no way to block father now

he cant adopt since he and mom are no longer married. this is his ex stepson.

 

[milspecgirl]

OMG- I just realized that this is his EX STEP SON. This brings a whole new light to things.

You have absolutely NOTHING to do with this situation. This is between mom and dad- you aren't even stepdad.

The courts are going to tear this mom apart. Not only is she letting someone else pretend to be dad- it isn't even a stepparent. HOLY COW!

You need to sit this child down (with a therapist) and explain to him that you are not his real father. Tell him that you love him very much and would love to continue to have a relationship with him if he would like. Then, be the bigger person and tell him that his dad has had some issues but that he is back and really wants to get to know him and that he should think about giving dad a chance.

And you need to realize that if mom and dad decide to cut you out of the child's life- there is nothing you can do. no matter how much you care or how much you think of him as your son (I have learned this sad fact with personal experience)

 

[sometwo]

how horrible that you have lied to this child. The child deserves to know who DAD really is.


See the mess lies get you?


Better start making preparations, you don't have rights , dad does.


Definitely counseling for all of you!