Confused and Need Help...

[passionatemom10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

I have been divorced for almost 11 years. I have a 12 year old that is dealing me fits because he has decided he wants to go and live with his dad. His dad has recently filed for custody. My son is giving me a very hard time. He is getting in trouble at school and his grades are horrible. I believe his dad has put him up to doing all this to help make it look like I can't control him. He hangs on every word his dad utters although he is not a very nice person. He harasses me with text, voicemail and email messages. I am losing my hair and it is making me physically ill. I have thought about letting my son go stay with his dad until the Christmas break for school with a proposed agreement. I believe that he will find in a very short time after changing schools and staying there a few weeks that the grass is not greener on the other side. Will this kill my custody case if I do it? I can't afford an attorney so I am having to fight this custody thing myself.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

I have been divorced for almost 11 years. I have a 12 year old that is dealing me fits because he has decided he wants to go and live with his dad. His dad has recently filed for custody. My son is giving me a very hard time. He is getting in trouble at school and his grades are horrible. I believe his dad has put him up to doing all this to help make it look like I can't control him. He hangs on every word his dad utters although he is not a very nice person. He harasses me with text, voicemail and email messages. I am losing my hair and it is making me physically ill. I have thought about letting my son go stay with his dad until the Christmas break for school with a proposed agreement. I believe that he will find in a very short time after changing schools and staying there a few weeks that the grass is not greener on the other side. Will this kill my custody case if I do it? I can't afford an attorney so I am having to fight this custody thing myself.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Is this about your child or about winning? You cannot make future plans for where custody will be. You can send the child now but expect it to continue.

 

[passionatemom10]

It is not about winning at all. It is about what is best for my child. I have raised him in a loving Christian environment by myself for the last 11 years. His dad has been in and out of his life the entire time. Now he wants to come in and brain wash my child into thinking because they "have more fun" and "go more places to do things" that living with him will be better. I just know that with the ex I have that if I do something such as let my son go and stay with him for a while to test the waters and I end up losing custody of him because I did this I will be devestated. I love and care for my child very much and I only want what is best for him. I KNOW that living with his dad is not the best thing for him for many reasons and I could go into detail if you would like. I chose not to seem like I was bashing my ex although there are tons of issues as to why it scares me to death and makes me physically ill one of the top being that he kidnapped him Mother's Day weekend this year. I am just trying to find out if this will kill my custody case because if it will help my ex get custody of my son then I certainly don't want to do it because I don't have the money to fight him now and I sure won't have the money to take him back to court.

 

[milspecgirl]

if you don't want dad to have custody, DO NOT send him to live with dad.

get child into counseling

 

[TheGeekess]

If you send son to live with Dad, you are potentially setting up a situation for Dad to gain custody via Status Quo.

You need to read the Alabama statutes pertaining to these matters to be clear on your options.
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[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Dad needs to prove a "CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES" to switch custody.

Or.

You voluntarily let him have custody.

Know all about the greener grass. Time for family therapy, like yesterday.

 

[passionatemom10]

Thank you. I am tired and frustrated. I have tried counseling but was wasting my money because my son REFUSES to talk to anyone about it. I don't have the money for a $20 copay two to three times a week for my child to sit and not open his mouth except to say, "I want to go live with my dad." I do appreciate the advice on not letting him go. I do not want his dad to get custody of him. He has nothing against me to to prove that a change in custody is best for my child; he is just trying to make my life miserable and is doing a great job of it. I was just hoping that I could figure out something to ease my child's mind about living with his dad. I was in hopes that letting him go for a little while would be the answer. If his dad had not filed for the change in custody I would have let him go with no questions because I know it won't last long.

 

[Isis1]

Thank you. I am tired and frustrated. I have tried counseling but was wasting my money because my son REFUSES to talk to anyone about it. I don't have the money for a $20 copay two to three times a week for my child to sit and not open his mouth except to say, "I want to go live with my dad." I do appreciate the advice on not letting him go. I do not want his dad to get custody of him. He has nothing against me to to prove that a change in custody is best for my child; he is just trying to make my life miserable and is doing a great job of it. I was just hoping that I could figure out something to ease my child's mind about living with his dad. I was in hopes that letting him go for a little while would be the answer. If his dad had not filed for the change in custody I would have let him go with no questions because I know it won't last long.

how about The Garden of Eden?

 

[passionatemom10]

I am not exactly sure what you mean...

 

[Silverplum]

how about The Garden of Eden?

In this particular situation, I wouldn't consider the GoE approach to be potentially effective, at all.

 

[TheGeekess]

Thank you. I am tired and frustrated. I have tried counseling but was wasting my money because my son REFUSES to talk to anyone about it. I don't have the money for a $20 copay two to three times a week for my child to sit and not open his mouth except to say, "I want to go live with my dad." I do appreciate the advice on not letting him go. I do not want his dad to get custody of him. He has nothing against me to to prove that a change in custody is best for my child; he is just trying to make my life miserable and is doing a great job of it. I was just hoping that I could figure out something to ease my child's mind about living with his dad. I was in hopes that letting him go for a little while would be the answer. If his dad had not filed for the change in custody I would have let him go with no questions because I know it won't last long.

Are you sitting in the session also? If you are not, I'd suggest finding a counselor that Son will talk to. I'm sure the one you've carried him to is not the only one available under the insurance. If you are, you need to leave and let Son talk to counselor without you there.

 

[passionatemom10]

Will you please explain what you mean?

 

[passionatemom10]

I have tried both. It is family counseling but the counselor has tried talking to him alone and with me. We have actually been to a couple of different people. He wants to go live with his dad. Which I have no problem with if it will not hurt me in the long run. What I have tried to explain to my son is that he can go but he will have to wait until after the custody hearing because once he goes his dad WILL NOT let him come back if he gets custody. I would have to take him back to court and I don't have the money to do it now so I sure won't have the money to do it then. I am afraid of losing my son forever and I have no idea what to do. I feel as though I am in a catch 22. If I let him go I lose him because instead of thinking about my son's well being my ex will use it as ammunition against me in the custody hearing and by making my son stay with me he is beginning to resent me and lashing out at me. I just want my child to be happy and become a better man than his father. At this point I have no idea what to do.

 

[wnbama]

She means that IF you are sitting in the sessions with son and counselor that MIGHT be the reason he is not talking. He MIGHT not like this counselor and would like a diff one.

Does your insurance give you choice of counselors/places? If so seek out a diff place if you son doesn't like the counselor he is seeing now.

Have you tried the school counselor?

Maybe a pastor at church?

 

[passionatemom10]

Yes I understand that part. I am not that ignorant. It is just where the comment fell. I am talking about the Garden of Eden information that was posted.