Confused Help Scarred

[couriousone]

What is the name of your state? Florida.
I am not happy in my marriage there is more here than meets the eye my husband has put his hands on me not punching but grabbing emotionally tears at me saying that no one will ever treat me as good as he has that no one will take me with three kids that if I leave him he will make it to where I cant move more than 150 miles from him that I will never make it without him etc. not to mention a little over a year ago I had an optopic pregnancy and no support threw that. I am scarred to leave cause of all the threats I dont want to our kids. On top of all of that I in turn am in love with my first cousin and want to build a relationship with him but I want out of my marriage and my kids more. What can I do? What can he do? Is it legal in FL? where is it legal at? Will I loose my kids? what are the chances of loosing them? PLEASE HELP

 

[stealth2]

I would forget about a relationship at this point, as you have more important things to think about. If you want out of your marriage, you need need to file for divorce. If he fights you for custody, it's going to be a drawn-out process, and you'll need to show that the kids will be better off with you. It is perfectly reasonable for him to ask the court to require the children to stay within a certain distance - if he had custody, would you like him to be able to pick up and move cross-country with them?

Do you work? Do you have the resources to maintain a place to live for yourself and the kids? Those are things you should look at before filing.

 

[DrewfromCA]

I don't want to tell you to stay with this guy, but if your next best alternative is your first cousin, then you are even dumber than your kids would end up being....

Get divorced. Be happy. DO NOT get involved with your cousin.

What the hell are you thinking?

Better question... is your cousin also in love with you?

If so, entertain us with that story please....

 

[leafinator]

Call me crazy but have you even considered counseling? It sounds like you want out of the divorce because you're not being treated the way you deserve to be treated, that much is obvious. Now, what's not obvious is why your husband is acting this way. I hope, for your sake, he hasn't always treated you like this so the question is why did he start? Before just giving up I encourage you to try counseling. If he refuses counseling and refuses to try to make it work than it's his loss and your divorce proceedings will be that much easier (as you'll have that much more of a case against him). I know even considering trying to convince him of counseling will be tough but give it a try for the sake of the kids. Divorce should always be a last resort and not something to be taken lightly.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Think On This

MN.
Emotional abuse can be more devastating than physical abuse because often
it goes on and on and sometimes leads to physical abuse. It is a repeating
cycle, usually becoming what the person knows, and gives the giver a feeling
of Power and Control. It is Illegal in some States but hard to prove. (A Terroristic Threat.) If the person becomes Physical (It is 5th degree assualt here) it may be reported immediately (as soon as is possible) and in some States the person can be removed from the home or go to jail, at which time it would be appropriate for you to Quickly obtain a restraining order. Are there any womens advocate groups on abusive relationships in your area? You may also think seriously, but not too long, about heading for an area womans shelter next time, providing (if) you experience fear for you or your children's Lives. Do it, however, Discreetly (without him seeing you)and take the kids with you if you choose. It sounds to me like you have enough going on here without needing to think about another relationship at this time.
Either FIX the one you are in OR GET OUT OF IT, but, I can tell you this.
DIVORCE is Extremely hard on the ENTIRE FAMILY UNIT. It is the next hardest
thing Emotionally and Financially to a Death in the family. Do not do it lightly,
like unless LIVES are in danger. It sounds like your fear runs deep but I do not
know you. As for your Cousin? Forget about it. The reason there are laws against marrying relatives is because of the blood mix in the children and their
downline. Royalty has done this for ages and suffered through many diseases and the loss of many of their children. Because of the gene pool mix the kids lack chromosomal stability. You may find another country that may still allow it. It devastates Lives and entire families. I sympathize with you, having been through an ectopic pregnancy, they are painful both ways, pain wise and losing a life. It sounds like you need to concentrate on what is happening today and don't worry about tomorrow. It isn't here yet. Good Luck to you...
Mary

 

[stealth2]

Do it, however, Discreetly (without him seeing you)and take the kids with you if you choose.

Be aware that leaving the children with him, should you choose to leave - even to go to a shelter - shows a presumption that you believe the children are safe with him and may cost you dearly in terms of custody.

You may find another country that may still allow it. It devastates Lives and entire families.

There are states in the US that permit first-cousin marriages.