confused

[CGD1213]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana
I have 2 small children. there father and I are going through a divorce. When we first split, he came got them one weekend and then went to a lawyer and lied and told him that I abonaded my kids. That was not true. Well they automatically granted him sole custody of the kids. He has since given the kids back to me to live with me but fails to sign custody back to me. The kids live with me and he only comes to get them when its convient for him. I am a single mom now working as a waitress at a resturant. I need to get help from the state to help support my kids but cant do that since I dont have legal custody of the kids. He said he dont want to sign custody back over to me because I might demand child support. I do not want child support, all I asked was that he help me with them as far as providing food and clothes. I have talked to a lawyer and he told me that theres not much i can do since he filed abonament charges on me. Please help me.

 

[stephenk]

help you in what way? either become an advocate for your children and have the court order your ex to support the kids or continue to whimper and hope your ex doesnt get mad because you insist he support his children.

hire the attorney to get custody over to you since they are living with you anyway AND get the court to order support payments from him.

 

[CGD1213]

I thought you could help me by telling me what chance would I have IF I did take it to court? i am not asking for a set amount of money from him. Hell I dont want him to hand me the cash..go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk, buy a pack of diapers. I think I wouold much rather do that then get court ordered to pay x amount of dollars when I know he couldnt really afford that. All I am asking is for him to sign the kids over to me. He could see them as often as he wants. I am not going to involve my kids and allow them to miss out on there dad just because him and I have problems.And your problay right , I should take it to court and let the judge decide but i am trying to keep this civilized as possible for the sake of my kids who love there dad so much. I work and go to school so before anyone says anything about getting help from the state..that is the reason,I work for 2.13 an hour plus tips and go to school at night. So NO I am not trying to get your tax dollars, I just need a little help starting off.

 

[TiredoftheGames]

He's not being civilized in this case. I understand that you don't want to hurt your kids, but is he helping them right now? How did he show that you abandoned the kids? Can you show that you've had physical possession of them? A lawyer would really really be helpful right now!!! Have you tried legal aid?

I'm not sure if you're saying that you don't want assistance from the state, or that you do. You'll have to check into this, but in this state, they will pursue child support from the father when you apply for benefits, whether there is already an order or not. You first have to show that you have, and have had custody of the kids . Even if you don't want benefits, maybe the local family assistance office can give you some advice...

 

[CGD1213]

No he is not being civilized in the matter. I am not asking for him to give me money all I am asking is that he give me back custody of the kids so that I can get help from the state. When I say help, i am asking for rent assistane and help to pay for my schooling. Yes state law would require that he would have to pay me child support if I would apply for welfare but they also told me that I could talk to the judge if I am not asking for child support. Dont get me wrong, he is a great dad as for as loving them. But he is not understanding that he has custody of the kids BY LAW but yet they reside with me and I cant get any help for me and the kids.No I am not saying he does not support them at all. he will not let them go hungry or do without clothes..that is why I dont want to ask for child support. The abodement thing came about when he wanted to see them, i dropped them off at his place which was on a Friday he kept them the weekend then that Monday went see a lawyer and told the lawyer I left them which is not so. HE wanted them the weekend. So if I really wanted to be mean I could say that he leaves them with me every night..is that abodement?? NO..I wouldnt think so.It just hurts me that our 2 year old and 4 year old have to suffer because him and I are having problems. He lives with his parents and has no bills. He doesnt make a great amount of money but makes way more than me.It just seems to me like he has got the best of both worlds, custody of the kids, able to get anything he needed because he has legal custody and I am the one sitting here every night and day with them struggling to support them. Yes I problay am stupid for allowing it but I just dont want my kids to go get hurt or think we hate each other. I wish him the best in life. As for as a lawyer, i make just enoough to provide little things for my kids and legal aide is a waiting list. Its hard to get help here. I have tried sitting there and talking and explaining why i am asking for this and he tells me that he dont want to give me custody because I will get him for child support. Yes he is being selfish in the matter because they ARE his children also. I am just going to try to talk to him again and if he doesn't agree I am going to let a judge decide. He also has family to support him and help HIM out when he needs so therefore he was able to get a lawyer thanks to his father.Oh and legally, he has no proof that i did abonand the kids so thats why I dont understand how they can just grant him custody. We do have joint custody, i guess you would call it. He has them a week and I have them a week (on paper) but he is the dom. parent. He nor I follow then visiations. He sees them whenever he wants. i am not going to keep his children away from him.I guess this is what you get when you try to deal with things in a civilized manner.

 

[TiredoftheGames]

I understand that you don't want the kids to see you fighting. You shouldn't (in my opinion). They don't have to know about arguments and they don't have to know about court appointments either. It's adult business. I'm sure he's a good dad when he has them, but he lied to get primary custody and he knew what he was doing when he did it. Not only that, he will not cooperate with you and provide support (that's regular monthly payments). Lord knows I know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence. My fiance worked 3 months in 2 years - and it wasn't for lack of trying! He has a permanent full time job now, and he's paying support plus arrearages. Yes, we've had a difficult time, and he wasn't able to make all of his payments - but he paid all that he could and then some. It hurts to pay out so much each month and to know that they're doing a far bit better than we are in the financial department. The bottom line is, his daughter needs to be taken care of and he has to do his part. The payment is part of the budget like the insurance or the mortgage. It's a bill that must be paid.

You're not asking him to give you money to get your hair and nails done once a week - you need money to feed and clothe your kids. It's mighty cruel of him to hold the custody issue over your head. I hope you see just how selfish and deceitful that is. He could send you $50 dollars a week without the court ordering him to do so. Heck, he could send $50 a month. The point is, he is not protecting or helping you or the kids right now - just him - period.

Unless you have limited phone service, phone calls and questions are free. Get on the phone and talk to someone at the welfare office, or call your state bar association and tell them (and anybody else who will listen) that you need emergency assistance for your kids and a lawyer to help you with the court process. Pray a lot - someone will help you! You just have to keep trying. There's a women's law center, local university with a law school, a pro bono lawyer's association - there's SOMEBODY out there who will hear you and help you. I believe that when I find myself in difficult circumstances, and more often than not, I find the help I need. You will too...

You say that you're not asking him for money. He's doing everything he can to see to it that you take what he gives you, and nothing more. Child Support helps with the rent. And being able to list your 2 kids as dependents on your Financial Aid Application allows you to get the aid you really qualify for. Look at your court order and see what it really says. If it shows that you have joint custody, you may still be able to list them as dependents.

I may be crossing the line here, and if I am, please know that I am sorry and I don't mean to offend you. You are trying to protect someone who is hurting you. You are trying to preserve the good dad reputation of someone who wants to force you to accept his terms regarding the support and livelyhood of your kids. If he wanted to be fair, he would go to court with you and show the judge that he doesn't make much money. They will work out what is 'fair'. Based on what he's already done, he doesn't want anyone telling him what he has to do. He won't like it anymore than you don't like trying to figure out where the rent money is going to come from, or how you're going to afford new winter coats for the kids, or gas to get you all to school and work, or how you're going to buy more food.

 

[TiredoftheGames]

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