Chrln_little
Member
Un-Confused
I actually have changed my mind about the step-parent adoption. Not because of the question that another member proposed, but because of a lot of the answers I have seen in the forum by those of you who are experienced in the field.
I actually thought long and hard about the situation and realized that you are right. Statistically, this marriage is more likely to fail. Mostly because I left an abusive relationship with the first ex. I developed a very strong independence which I am not willing to let go of. I depend on me, and only me to provide for my children. Having a partner in my life right now is great, but honestly I don't know if he will be able to stick out the independence that I am not willing to sway on. He says it is a fear of loosing control and ending up back in the same boat I was before. I say if I don't have to depend on him then my children and I are fine reguardless of what is going on. I prefer to want him in my life rather than need him in my life.
My fiance has not been exposed to children on a long term basis and we have one on the way. I cannot determine from where we sit now whether or not he will be the same with them years down the road as he is now. I personally feel after careful thought that you really don't know a person until you live with them for at least a few years.
If in several years he is still the man I met and the man I fell in love with, then I will revisit the idea of adoption if my other plans do not work out. Until then, I will leave things the way they are. I already made a decision my children are suffering for, and that is the choice I made on who their bio father is and how far I have let this situation go.
I also called my attorney to set up a second round of mediation. Since their bio father has been absent for 1 year, for the most part, my attorney is trying to get a court order for 6 weeks of mediation (12 sessions) and then counseling for both of us to learn to deal with each other better. I am hoping that the reason he walked off is because of all of the stress from us not getting along. I am going to give him another chance to be the father he should and if he fails then it was his loss. I can then at least say I have exhausted all resources to help him be a father. I at least owe that much to my children. If it doesn't work out and the counselor doesn't feel that he is fit to parent, than at least I can't say I didn't try.
I cannot say what he is thinking or what he is feeling, but I can at least give him one more shot to straighten up. Not all fathers are good fathers, but with a little help they can become one.
I actually have changed my mind about the step-parent adoption. Not because of the question that another member proposed, but because of a lot of the answers I have seen in the forum by those of you who are experienced in the field.
I actually thought long and hard about the situation and realized that you are right. Statistically, this marriage is more likely to fail. Mostly because I left an abusive relationship with the first ex. I developed a very strong independence which I am not willing to let go of. I depend on me, and only me to provide for my children. Having a partner in my life right now is great, but honestly I don't know if he will be able to stick out the independence that I am not willing to sway on. He says it is a fear of loosing control and ending up back in the same boat I was before. I say if I don't have to depend on him then my children and I are fine reguardless of what is going on. I prefer to want him in my life rather than need him in my life.
My fiance has not been exposed to children on a long term basis and we have one on the way. I cannot determine from where we sit now whether or not he will be the same with them years down the road as he is now. I personally feel after careful thought that you really don't know a person until you live with them for at least a few years.
If in several years he is still the man I met and the man I fell in love with, then I will revisit the idea of adoption if my other plans do not work out. Until then, I will leave things the way they are. I already made a decision my children are suffering for, and that is the choice I made on who their bio father is and how far I have let this situation go.
I also called my attorney to set up a second round of mediation. Since their bio father has been absent for 1 year, for the most part, my attorney is trying to get a court order for 6 weeks of mediation (12 sessions) and then counseling for both of us to learn to deal with each other better. I am hoping that the reason he walked off is because of all of the stress from us not getting along. I am going to give him another chance to be the father he should and if he fails then it was his loss. I can then at least say I have exhausted all resources to help him be a father. I at least owe that much to my children. If it doesn't work out and the counselor doesn't feel that he is fit to parent, than at least I can't say I didn't try.
I cannot say what he is thinking or what he is feeling, but I can at least give him one more shot to straighten up. Not all fathers are good fathers, but with a little help they can become one.