Contact after Termination of Rights

[Ohiogal]

What legal consequences would that be?

I've only heard that she could get a restraining order.. am I missing something?

CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR. I stated that several posts ago. That is a criminal offense.

 

[tijerin]

CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR. I stated that several posts ago. That is a criminal offense.

How is talking to him "contributing to the delinquency of a minor"?

Texas law defines this as "the crime consists of someone knowingly persuading, inducing, enticing or encouraging such a child or youth to engage in actions that would constitute a violation of federal or state law or a municipal or local ordinance."

Neither him contacting me or me contacting him is against any federal or state law, thus no "contributing" is occurring.

 

[xylene]

How is talking to him "contributing to the delinquency of a minor"?

Texas law defines this as "the crime consists of someone knowingly persuading, inducing, enticing or encouraging such a child or youth to engage in actions that would constitute a violation of federal or state law or a municipal or local ordinance."

Neither him contacting me or me contacting him is against any federal or state law, thus no "contributing" is occurring.

Yes it is. IF your daughter was online and she was taking to a legal stranger and you told her to STOP IT and she told the guy that you had said NO ans she did it anyway... How would you feel?

Grow a pair, HIRE a lawyer, HIRE a private investigator and contact mom.

Stop this subterfuge. You are hurting a 15 year old. You were not mature at 22, but you think YOUR 15 year old son is mature enough to conspire against his only legal parent who has sole control over him but for some online escapades...

 

[xxnatalixx]

I had no contact with my dad until I was 16. I met him once, talked to him a few times on the phone, and then supposedly because his wife had such a fit about it, he quit contacting me and died a few years later. Legally, I know nothing, but I can tell you from a teenagers stand point that it is sooooo much harder to cut off contact after he was finally able to talk to you. I felt like my father abandoned me all my life and then when I finally met him and he chose to cut off contact again, I not only felt abandoned, but rejected too. I do think your chances are better of being able to maintain contact with him if mom is contacted and included in the decision. You do have to wonder why she would show him your myspace page if she didn't want him to contact you, so maybe she's not as opposed to it as she used to be. Honestly though, you chose not to be a part of his life up to this point, so I would respect whatever mom decides, as she has been the only parent in is life all these years. I would save the messages too so you can show her that you wanted your son to get her permission.

 

[MichaCA]

Seems like somewhere it was mentioned, according to your son, that mom mentioned he had permission to contact you when he is 16? Whats that about?
If I got that right, then mom may not be as die hard as you think against contact, at least maybe not after 16. Ask him about that.

I agree with others, I don't think your doing this right. Your not setting a good example to son, your teaching him to go against authority. All emotions aside, he is not allowed to talk to you, according to son. So both of you are going against mom. If mom finds out and files a restraining order, then who looks bad and who is the martyr here? Mom is the bad one, and it may damage their relationship...trust, etc. Not a good position for you, whether bio dad or not, a legal stranger to put your son in.

He's 15, give him responsible choices to make since you are an adult in his life right now. Give him the choice to either hand over mom's contact info, or tell him that you will have to stop communicating until he becomes a legal adult, and then you welcome a relationship. Let him make the choice. Perhaps thats harsh, but I think its the only way to do it right. That way you are both respecting moms' wishes, who is his solo parent.

 

[cystella]

It may just be me but I'm thinking that maybe the reason the 15 year old won't give you contact info for his mother is maybe she didn't even show him your myspace page, and he lied about it. He may of searched you out himself (by finding your name on some old court papers or something) and his mother has absolutly no idea.

 

[Ohiogal]

How is talking to him "contributing to the delinquency of a minor"?

Texas law defines this as "the crime consists of someone knowingly persuading, inducing, enticing or encouraging such a child or youth to engage in actions that would constitute a violation of federal or state law or a municipal or local ordinance."

Neither him contacting me or me contacting him is against any federal or state law, thus no "contributing" is occurring.

Because MOM is his law until he is an adult. You are encouraging him to disobey his mother's authority and engage in conduct that his LEGAL PARENT does not want him engaging in.

 

[justalayman]

I see the OP admits to immaturity at the age of 22 when this child was conceived but it seems like the maturity level in the ensuing 15 years has not progressed much.

tijerin; grow up. you are the one in control of this situation and you are doing a poor job. You are subverting his mothers authority by continuing the contact. You simply tell the kid, if mom has said no contact, then you and I need to respect her and severe this communication until she agrees to it.

at that, simply quit responding to the e-mails.

 

[tijerin]

I had no contact with my dad until I was 16. I met him once, talked to him a few times on the phone, and then supposedly because his wife had such a fit about it, he quit contacting me and died a few years later. Legally, I know nothing, but I can tell you from a teenagers stand point that it is sooooo much harder to cut off contact after he was finally able to talk to you. I felt like my father abandoned me all my life and then when I finally met him and he chose to cut off contact again, I not only felt abandoned, but rejected too.

This is what I'm afraid will happen.

.....and to everyone else, I'm just laying it out there. I haven't decided what to do yet or how to respond. That's why I'm here.

The LAWYER I spoke to says I wouldn't be breaking any laws and he said there's no "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" happening here (as far as Texas law goes). Texas law DOES NOT PROHIBIT CONTACT in these situations. Mom may be his law, but "contributing" isn't based on "mom's law", it's based on Texas law.

If I were immature, I wouldn't be on here asking for other opinions because obviously I'm emotionally leaning one way and intellectually leaning the other. I'm not denying that everyone's advice here is good, just playing devil's advocate.

There's two coversations going on in this thread and they are getting mixed up.

The first conversation has to do with what is LEGAL.

The second conversation has to do with what is MORAL.

The answers are different and that's where my indecision lies.

 

[tijerin]

at that, simply quit responding to the e-mails.

...and leave him feeling not only abandoned, but rejected. Yeah, that's lovely.

 

[Ohiogal]

...and leave him feeling not only abandoned, but rejected. Yeah, that's lovely.

Do whatever your heart desires and if you end up arrested or otherwise dragged into court get your lawyer to represent you. Feel better now? Did I tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. GO SEE YOUR USED TO BE SON who you didn't mind abandoning 15 years ago and completely left by having your rights terminated and make sure you do whatever you want with him. Then when you are arrested or restrained, you can go on about rejection and abandonment.

Okay?

 

[stealth2]

It may just be me but I'm thinking that maybe the reason the 15 year old won't give you contact info for his mother is maybe she didn't even show him your myspace page, and he lied about it. He may of searched you out himself (by finding your name on some old court papers or something) and his mother has absolutly no idea.

Exactly what I was thinking. I'd bet that Mom is clueless, and you're buying into a 15yo's manipulation.

 

[mommyof4]

So, let's say you decide to continue to stay in touch. Mom gets a restraining order to keep you away. (which WILL be on your record). You CONTINUE to remain in touch with Junior, thus not complying with the restraining order, and you face criminal charges.

So, you decide.

You need to tell your atty that this child is NOT your child (legally). THEN see what your atty has to say. I know you are having a hard time understanding that just because you contributed to his creation, you are NOT his father as far as the law is concerned. You have just as much right to contact this kid as you do mine. THAT'S the legal reality.

And if you EVER agree or encourage this kid to meet you somewhere, you have opened up a whole new compartment in Pandora' box (legally and criminally).

 

[LdiJ]

This is what I'm afraid will happen.

.....and to everyone else, I'm just laying it out there. I haven't decided what to do yet or how to respond. That's why I'm here.

The LAWYER I spoke to says I wouldn't be breaking any laws and he said there's no "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" happening here (as far as Texas law goes). Texas law DOES NOT PROHIBIT CONTACT in these situations. Mom may be his law, but "contributing" isn't based on "mom's law", it's based on Texas law.

If I were immature, I wouldn't be on here asking for other opinions because obviously I'm emotionally leaning one way and intellectually leaning the other. I'm not denying that everyone's advice here is good, just playing devil's advocate.

There's two coversations going on in this thread and they are getting mixed up.

The first conversation has to do with what is LEGAL.

The second conversation has to do with what is MORAL.

The answers are different and that's where my indecision lies.

If that is what an attorney in the state that has jurisdiction says about the matter, and you have explained it fully and understand fully what the attorney says you can or cannot do, then that's fine.

However, make sure that you fully explained it to the attorney and that you fully understand what the attorney says you can or cannot do.

I am positive that anything further than email conversation, that fully supports the mother's authority, supports doing well in school etc., WOULD get you in trouble.

 

[wileybunch]

There's two coversations going on in this thread and they are getting mixed up.

The first conversation has to do with what is LEGAL.

The second conversation has to do with what is MORAL.

The answers are different and that's where my indecision lies.

I understand you're a different person now in some respects than the person that gave this child up. Legally, this child is not yours. Emotionally, this child was abandoned 15 years ago and that has been his reality. Currently, honestly, the right thing to do is not any different from if you felt "forced" to give up your rights or did it with great deliberation, the reality is he is not your son legally, but he is someone else's son and it is morally wrong not to recognize that and to keep the order of things in place because you do not know what house of cards you may be setting up, unwitting or not, and can't be there if/when the house of cards falls.

It is vitally important that NO ONE encourages a child to keep secrets from a parent and that NO ONE encourages a child to go behind a parents' back when they can't talk to them about things that are part of their life and part of their growing up.

The advice you were given and the action you did in fact take at one point to tell the child to speak to his mother and get her to give permission to dad was *spot on*. If the child was directed to your MySpace page by mom, this will not come as a shock to the mother. If the mother is totally fine with the contact as the boy relates, Mom should have no problem giving the permission. The fact she hates you and wants nothing to do with you is neither here nor there then. If she put her son up to all of this, she will find a way to give her explicit permission since she has supposed already given it indirectly to him.

Let son know that it's important that he respect his mother's position and authority. That he MUST go to his mom, but in all things, he SHOULD go to his mom. Let him know that you hope he and his mom can work things out, but just in case he can't for now for some reason, when he is 18 and able to make his own decisions apart from his mom, that he is free to contact you then.

There is nothing in here that should make the child feel abandoned. And, even if Mom says "no" now, SHE ALSO has a couple of years to soften her heart.

Don't circumvent this path thinking it's part of your atonement to make right what you did wrong before. Doing it in a way that violates his only true and living parent -- at least for now -- is definitely morally wrong and can cascade out some other unwanted downstream effects that you will, once again, be guilty of causing in this child's life. It can also cause you legal troubles and exacerbate the situation so even if you think there isn't any criminal issues that can come your way, Mom could get a restraining order and if you think there is a significant barrier in place now, a RO will shut all of this down completely (with criminal repercussions).