What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? WA.
Later in the month my Ex and I go to Court. I am filing Contempt against her. She has violated the PP numerous times, since 1997, including: disparagement, educational, and medical decisions. I contend she has PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome).
We are both going to Court Pro Se. Below is an email I sent her of a proposition.
**** = A person..usually the Children.
It is long, so I am fore warning you. It is an article about PAS. I answer each questions as GML>>>. After the PAS article is my proposal:
Symptoms of Parental Alienation
1. Copyright by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D., 1997
To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
1.Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry.
GML>>>YES. When I had visitations you would set up an "activity" of some sort. Some of these "activity's" were: boating, gun shows, trips out of town, going to by a boat, going to buy a Car (known to me later). Christmas Eve ***** going Hunting with **** ***** (Step-Dad)....this was my time. Often you would set up these "activity's" then you would ask me to tell them they "HAD" to come over to my house because it was our weekend.
2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
GML>>>YES. Wow....a big one here. How many times have I heard the phrase, " the Children need to know the truth...I was just being HONEST"? Oh, how many times have the Children confronted me with DETAILED intricate things that went on in the divorce: inheritance, property division...many exaggerated claims or things said during the heat of emotion between you and I. When I got remarried all the "truths" you told these kids.
3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.
GML>>>>NO.
4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
GML>>>>YES. Not allowing me to see *****’s grades from SCHOOL. I had asked for two years. For 2.5yrs I had no clue what **** was doing.
5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.
GML>>>>YES. YES. YES. YES. You telling the Children that I was "making" you sell the house. Telling the kids that, "that I broke up the family". Telling the kids they would have to change school districts because of me. Bad-Mouthing my present wife to them.
6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.
GML>>>>YES. BINGO. This was repeated numerous times. Plus, there were numerous times when they were actually at my house and you would call and schedule the kids for an "activity". Remember the time ***** was helping me with the gutters and you and STEP-DAD came over to my house to pick ***** up to go to a gun show? You had already, behind my back, scheduled this with ***** that day.
7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.
GML>>>NO.
8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
GML>>>NOT SURE. Obviously they "choose" you over me for many years due to your alienation.
9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.
GML>>>YES. My God. I have several rambling emails from ***** on this. I repeatedly asked him in emails WHAT IS IT that he does not like about me? He cannot answer it. Then some of the things, such as simple discipline, were utterly traumatic for him. **** too.
10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.
GML>>>NA.
11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.
GML>>>YES. Many, many times this would occur. I would pick up the Children and they would be angry at me. I remember one time you were "angry" at me for not taking the kids to places IN Washington. For some reason driving somewhere IN Washington was important to you. This was fine. The next day I picked up the Children and they were angry at me for, "not taking them anywhere". Just the week prior we had just gotten back from Cabo San Lucas. For years ***** would be angry at me and had no explanation.
12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.
GML>>>>NOT SURE.
13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.
GML>>>YES. Often when the Children would visit you would give me reports about "negatives" at my house. My spouse is not a good cook. I didn't buy them this or that.
14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.
GML>>>YES. Going boating/skiing on my weekends. This, and other things, often went on.
15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.
GML>>>NOT SURE. I can only suspect you did this. I had my utter WORST times with the Children immediately after I had had my BEST. For example, one week end the Children would be SOOOO HAPPY at my house....the next weekend utterly CONTEMPTUOUS. For no reason with nothing transpiring from one weekend to the next.
16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.
GML>>>YES. You must have because you NEVER visited my home and yet knew details about my home life.
17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.
GML>>>YES. How often would I discipline the Children for minimal things like cleaning up etc. I would ONLY TELL them to clean up. I would TELL them staying up until 400am is not OK. What would happen? They would call you and you would come over and pick them up. ONCE, only ONCE did I make **** stay in his room after your Mother covertly meet him at SMALL TOWN while you were on your Honeymoon. He ran away from home. I NEVER hit my kids or put them into choke-holds as your husband (**** *****) did. I have NO Police Reports from my home as you do.
18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.
gml>>>YES. I explained all this in my Declarations.
19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.
GML>>>NO.
20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.
GML>>>AGREED!!! I must not do this. If I do, I shall apologize!!!
SEE PART 2.....NEXT POST
Later in the month my Ex and I go to Court. I am filing Contempt against her. She has violated the PP numerous times, since 1997, including: disparagement, educational, and medical decisions. I contend she has PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome).
We are both going to Court Pro Se. Below is an email I sent her of a proposition.
**** = A person..usually the Children.
It is long, so I am fore warning you. It is an article about PAS. I answer each questions as GML>>>. After the PAS article is my proposal:
Symptoms of Parental Alienation
1. Copyright by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D., 1997
To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
1.Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry.
GML>>>YES. When I had visitations you would set up an "activity" of some sort. Some of these "activity's" were: boating, gun shows, trips out of town, going to by a boat, going to buy a Car (known to me later). Christmas Eve ***** going Hunting with **** ***** (Step-Dad)....this was my time. Often you would set up these "activity's" then you would ask me to tell them they "HAD" to come over to my house because it was our weekend.
2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
GML>>>YES. Wow....a big one here. How many times have I heard the phrase, " the Children need to know the truth...I was just being HONEST"? Oh, how many times have the Children confronted me with DETAILED intricate things that went on in the divorce: inheritance, property division...many exaggerated claims or things said during the heat of emotion between you and I. When I got remarried all the "truths" you told these kids.
3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.
GML>>>>NO.
4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
GML>>>>YES. Not allowing me to see *****’s grades from SCHOOL. I had asked for two years. For 2.5yrs I had no clue what **** was doing.
5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.
GML>>>>YES. YES. YES. YES. You telling the Children that I was "making" you sell the house. Telling the kids that, "that I broke up the family". Telling the kids they would have to change school districts because of me. Bad-Mouthing my present wife to them.
6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.
GML>>>>YES. BINGO. This was repeated numerous times. Plus, there were numerous times when they were actually at my house and you would call and schedule the kids for an "activity". Remember the time ***** was helping me with the gutters and you and STEP-DAD came over to my house to pick ***** up to go to a gun show? You had already, behind my back, scheduled this with ***** that day.
7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.
GML>>>NO.
8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
GML>>>NOT SURE. Obviously they "choose" you over me for many years due to your alienation.
9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.
GML>>>YES. My God. I have several rambling emails from ***** on this. I repeatedly asked him in emails WHAT IS IT that he does not like about me? He cannot answer it. Then some of the things, such as simple discipline, were utterly traumatic for him. **** too.
10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.
GML>>>NA.
11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.
GML>>>YES. Many, many times this would occur. I would pick up the Children and they would be angry at me. I remember one time you were "angry" at me for not taking the kids to places IN Washington. For some reason driving somewhere IN Washington was important to you. This was fine. The next day I picked up the Children and they were angry at me for, "not taking them anywhere". Just the week prior we had just gotten back from Cabo San Lucas. For years ***** would be angry at me and had no explanation.
12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.
GML>>>>NOT SURE.
13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.
GML>>>YES. Often when the Children would visit you would give me reports about "negatives" at my house. My spouse is not a good cook. I didn't buy them this or that.
14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.
GML>>>YES. Going boating/skiing on my weekends. This, and other things, often went on.
15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.
GML>>>NOT SURE. I can only suspect you did this. I had my utter WORST times with the Children immediately after I had had my BEST. For example, one week end the Children would be SOOOO HAPPY at my house....the next weekend utterly CONTEMPTUOUS. For no reason with nothing transpiring from one weekend to the next.
16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.
GML>>>YES. You must have because you NEVER visited my home and yet knew details about my home life.
17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.
GML>>>YES. How often would I discipline the Children for minimal things like cleaning up etc. I would ONLY TELL them to clean up. I would TELL them staying up until 400am is not OK. What would happen? They would call you and you would come over and pick them up. ONCE, only ONCE did I make **** stay in his room after your Mother covertly meet him at SMALL TOWN while you were on your Honeymoon. He ran away from home. I NEVER hit my kids or put them into choke-holds as your husband (**** *****) did. I have NO Police Reports from my home as you do.
18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.
gml>>>YES. I explained all this in my Declarations.
19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.
GML>>>NO.
20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.
GML>>>AGREED!!! I must not do this. If I do, I shall apologize!!!
SEE PART 2.....NEXT POST
