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Could I get permanent alimoney?

  • Thread starter Thread starter sberry7583
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sberry7583

Guest
State: Florida
I have been married for 11 years to a man who is an alcoholic and a control freak. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and I am at a point where I don't feel I can take this much longer without either getting sick or having a nervous breakdown. I worked in his business (in-store sales) for many years before we were married and for 5 years afterwards. I haven't worked for the last 6 years by mutual agreement. I don't have any real skills, although I enjoy working with people, I'm embarrased to say that I didn't finish high school, and I'm now in my mid 50's. My husband has sold his business and retired and now has an annual income of over $200,000. per year from property rental. He owned the business, properties and our home before we got married. Everything is in his name and there are no joint checking or savings or even credit cards. I've been given a weekly allowance for the last 6 years. I married this man because I loved him but his alcoholism, abuse and selfishness have made me alternately feel sorry for him and hate him. My question is.......could I get permanent alimony? I have a few health issues and because of my age and lack of education I'm afraid that I won't be able to support myself in a reasonable manner. Any advice, suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks
 


The rental property, was it in his possession before or after you two married??? an allowance, I be dammed, I do not know you and if you where my wife I would not do that to you. His business was that started during your time or not, how long did he have that business??? Please provide some more information.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
You have only been married to him for 11 years. Sounds like your lack of a career had nothing to do with marrying him and maybe happened long before he came into the picture? He, on the other hand worked and saved and built assets before marrying you. Those rentals were NOT marital assets. So if you are in your mid 50s, you have been married to him since your mid 40s. That's about age I was when I married my husband. Your marriage to him surely didn't stop you from building up your own assets and saving BEFORE he came along.

Your age is not that old. Most of my friends are about 60, male and female, and work full time - and yes, they all have health issues, including two who had heart bypass, and one who had knee surgery and a procedure to close a hole in her heart last year. My husband is older than you, works full time and helps raise our 7 year old daughter. I'm 50 and work full-time. So please don't imply that mid 50s is too old to work.

You should be entitled to half the assets & debts accrued DURING the marriage
 
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sberry7583

Guest
Bulldog: The business and rental property were his before we married. Also, I will mention that we were married to each other seven years earlier. We had dated for several years and then got married. But, the marriage only lasted 6 months. I had children still at home from my first marriage and his drinking was affecting them. Even though we had been dating for a fairly long time I didn't realize what a problem he had with alcohol. After the divorce we didn't see other for several years. Circumstance threw us into each others path and we began seeing each other again. My children were grown and no longer living at home. He quit drinking and was going to AA for awhile. After 3 months of marriage he was drinking again and has ever since. His drinking makes him a Jekyl and Hyde. He's not a bad man.....he's a sick man and he's making me sick too.

Nextwife: I don't think the 50's or 60's are too old to work. As long as a person is healthy and able, I think it's actually healthier to keep working. My concern is that since I don't have any particular skills or education that I won't be able to find a good job. I'm going to school right now to get my GED and would like to continue my education so that I could get into a field of work that I could make a good living. I'm considering nursing. The problem is it will take at least 3 or 4 years to complete and then I'm in my late fifities and wondering if anyone will hire me.

My lack of a career was due to the fact that I married at 19 and had 2 children. I stayed home and took care of them until my first husband and I divorced after 13 years. I made some poor choices but it is what it is now and I'm trying to make the best of the situation.
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
sberry7583 said:
State: Florida
I have been married for 11 years to a man who is an alcoholic and a control freak. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and I am at a point where I don't feel I can take this much longer without either getting sick or having a nervous breakdown. I worked in his business (in-store sales) for many years before we were married and for 5 years afterwards. I haven't worked for the last 6 years by mutual agreement. I don't have any real skills, although I enjoy working with people, I'm embarrased to say that I didn't finish high school, and I'm now in my mid 50's. My husband has sold his business and retired and now has an annual income of over $200,000. per year from property rental. He owned the business, properties and our home before we got married. Everything is in his name and there are no joint checking or savings or even credit cards. I've been given a weekly allowance for the last 6 years. I married this man because I loved him but his alcoholism, abuse and selfishness have made me alternately feel sorry for him and hate him. My question is.......could I get permanent alimony? I have a few health issues and because of my age and lack of education I'm afraid that I won't be able to support myself in a reasonable manner. Any advice, suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks

You definately need to speak to an attorney who specializes in family law. You can get a low cost consultation by calling the Florida Bar Lawyer Referral Service 1-800-342-8011 or call your local Legal Aid office.

From what I know and have seen in Fl., the fact that HE established an "allowance" for you and you have no marketable skills you would be entitled to at least some rehabilitative alimony if not permanent alimony. But as I said, please use an attorney, doing it yourself would probably backfire on you.
Good luck.
 
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sberry7583

Guest
I have taken your advice Gracie and called an attorney today. I have an appt. for Tuesday. I also sat down and wrote all the pros and cons for staying and for leaving. When I look at it in black and white....I know that I have to leave, no matter what, because I just can't take it anymore. Thanks for the encouragement ......
 

Lorane

Member
I agree you should be entitled to some rehabilitative alimony to get your life back on track. But no one should be granted lifetime alimony unless truly disabled. Do not count on lifetime alimony. Rebuild your life an move on don't become a welfare case.
I was married to an alcoholic for 15 years. I took the children and moved on with my life. My ex was granted visitation with the children, with absolutely no consumption of alcohol during visitation, in the decree. He chose not to take visitation rights and not to pay child support.

I survived and the children were all the better for it. It was hard but it is not impossible. I have never married to be supported.

My present husband of 3 years is paying lifetime alimony to a woman who wanted "honor and obey" taken out of their wedding vows. Her uncle who married them refused to change the vows. This woman belittled this man at picnics, office parties and church gatherings. Her average time of arising in the was 12:00 P.M. (noon). She would nag him at night until 2:00 A.M. in the morning and he had to get up for work at 6:00 A.M. She ran up $60,000.00 dollars of credit card debt because she was depressed. Should someone like this get lifetime alimony? She did. Where's the justice in this case. There is none.

If you do receive rehabilitative alimony, use it to move on with your life. Do not be dependent on someone else. If you choose to be dependent on someone else, you are choosing welfare. And choosing to do so if vindictiveness. Don't be a party to that. It will eat you alive. Be self supporting.
 

BethM

Member
My present husband of 3 years is paying lifetime alimony to a woman who wanted "honor and obey" taken out of their wedding vows. Her uncle who married them refused to change the vows. This woman belittled this man at picnics, office parties and church gatherings. Her average time of arising in the was 12:00 P.M. (noon). She would nag him at night until 2:00 A.M. in the morning and he had to get up for work at 6:00 A.M. She ran up $60,000.00 dollars of credit card debt because she was depressed. Should someone like this get lifetime alimony? She did. Where's the justice in this case. There is none.

Were you there at those picnics, office parties and church gatherings to witness the belittling? Were you there daily to see her arise at 12:00? How many times were you in their home at 2:00am to hear her nagging him? Have you seen documentation of the $60,000 in debt or are your opinions of your husband's ex wife solely based on what he has told you?

That is what I don't understand about some women...they take what some man tells them as the gospel. My ex husband tells people that we had credit card debt of $63,000. Documents that were shown in court reflected less that $7,000. Other than that debt we had a mortgage payment.

He tells people that I cheated on him during the entire marriage but I have letters from him stating that he had trust in my and thanked me for being a faithful wife. He tells people...especially his new wife that I was shrew who was never satisfied with anything. He has completely rewritten the history of our marriage and he did it to suit his needs.

I used to take what people said to me as truth. I learned from my ex to NEVER believe what some man told me about his ex wife without checking the facts first. I would be willing to bet it was your husband who sought divorce from his first wife and to do that an maintain his image he had to make it her fault.

His family is going to take his side, they are going to back up what he says out of need to uphold their image also. My ex mother in law thought I was a "peach." She told me, less than a year before my ex left that she thought I was a wonderful wife and mother and that it thrilled her to see her son so happy. Now though, she thinks I am evil to the core

She was close to my family, was around my husband and I often and never saw any evidence of the things he accuses me of. She has chosen to believe what he says out of her own sick needs. As they say, blood truly is thicker than water.

Women like you play a dangerous game. You can love, honor and obey this man if you chose. Just hope he doesn't end up laying blame at your feet some day as he is with his first wife. It is so much easier for you to believe that he is an honorable man who was done wrong. I'm betting if you did a little research...talk to the first wife and get her side of the story you might find he isn't so honorable.

Judges don't hand out life time alimoney like it is penny candy. I didn't get it and the majority of women I knew didn't get it. The few I do know that got it, got it because they were able to prove to the judge that they were deserving of it. I bet that is exactly why your husband's frist wife got it...because she deserved it. It's not welfare...it's payback for years of honoring another person to only be kicked to the curb by them.
Beth
 

Lorane

Member
Yes, I was there at the company functions. I worked for the same firm and saw her belittle him every chance she had. He was a VP with the last firm. One of the other VPs in the firm stated that he felt sorry for him having to deal with "that woman".
My mother-in-law told me about her arising at noon. My mother-in-law would receive phone calls from her and she would state that she had just gotten up. Church members also verify this.
Judges may not hand out alimony like water. They are supposed to rule according to the law. I was married for 15 years to an alocholic. I did not receive child support or alimony. The only reason the EX received alimony is because the case drug out for so long, and my husband's lawyer died during that time. My husband reported the judge to the review board and the judge hit him with everything even though the Master in the case stated that there was clearly not enough money to go around.
This man has supported each of the children through college and is close to paying of $60,000 (credit card debt that the EX ran up because she was depressed) + ($20,000 part of the legal fees) over the last 10 years. It will take another 10 years to pay of the college loans.
Do you call this legal?
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Interesting how sometimes people PRESUME that everything we know about our husband's lives with their first wives came from THEM. I had heard about my hubby's ex from a number of people who knew them both BEFORE I ever even dated him. My SILs parents were AT his first wedding. Several of our friend's knew them both since HS - which is about 35 years. So I certainly have input from many people who knew them both individually for a great many years.

As to our poster, what I DON'T understand is why her choice to have babies, before she learned any means of supporting herself, and to stay home and raise kids of a DIFFERENT man means that this shorter term husband (11 years out of a lifetime of potential schooling years) should then be responsible support her for life. He didn't keep her from pursuing a career at some point, nor did she stay home to raise his children. Plenty of woman go to school in their thirties and forties and even fifties. My dad got a degree in his thirties, and my sis got one at 40. At some point those kids went to school during the day. Why is this husband responsible for her choice to not go to school or develope some other job skill BEFORE they were together?
 

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