Court Decision....UNREAL....Need Advice!....

[kat1963]

Perhaps she meant AGNOSTIC. There is a big difference. Normally judges do not touch religion & apparently that’s what this judge did. He might not understand all the holidays associated with each so he went with what he felt was best...and heck, you certainly do NOT KNOW if this judge is ATHESIST either (gotta watch that!). I’m sure MOM thinks so. I’m not saying that I agree, I am just saying. Distance is the big problem here.

Your boyfriend has a choice, stick with the situation as ordered, appeal if he doesn’t feel the judge went according to the law (not that he just doesn’t like the decision) or my favorite, MOVE TO JERSEY. Yup, move right next door or at least within the same school district. Okay, so I can certainly think of better places to move to but this is where his children are now. He will only have this one chance to parent them & watch them grow up. I say wait 6 months, she’ll blow thru the settlement money & probably won’t be able to afford a really good attorney. In the meantime, sniff out a real NJ bulldog (important) then plan of filing for full custody (due to change in circumstances: the move) then settle for a joint 50/50 parenting plan. There are plenty of examples on the web. Do NOT advise her of the move, this is war & you need the element of surprise on your side. Just let things calm down & think about it okay?

You might also want to try reading some articles here:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/

Best of luck to you both.

KAT

 

[stealth2]

Okay, so I can certainly think of better places to move to

Some of us are actually quite happy living in NJ - and have even moved here willingly.

 

[Lils]

To answer Stealth's questions, the ex has moved to Toms River and is moving in with mommy and daddy. She has no plans on getting a job (she is a PH.D and in the same area of science as my boyfriend) and has been telling friends already in NJ that she can't wait to go husband hunting.....she has also told friends (who are friends of my boyfriend as well, which is why he is in the loop about all of this) that HER children (yes, HER children, he does not exist anymore) do not NEED a father.....I think what she actually meant was her children do not need a father if it is my boyfriend! Anyhow, there are major problems with moving to NJ because of his business....he has a partner and he is giving him big problems in moving it.....the cost to move it to NJ would nearly but him out of business.....my boyfriend feels utterly defeated right now, and it is very hard for him to even feel like he has the strength to carry on this fight......her parents have unlimited monetary resources, and he does not. However, his best friend in NJ is a lawyer (although not with family law) and has friends who have told him that they will take this nasty <edited for content> on for free......he has a lot of decisions to make in the next weeks, but right now he is in shock, mourning and feels like his children are dead. Needless to say, I am trying to take care of as much of this as I can so he can let all of this set in.....

Thank you for any additional advice!

Lils

 

[BelizeBreeze]

JESUS PEOPLE! I can imagine God is looking at this conversation and laughing HER ass off If she's not crying.

 

[stealth2]

Toms River unfortunately doesn't close for the Jewish holidays. However, your bf's in luck. I'll pm you the name of an excellent family law attorney in TR.

 

[casa]

hee hee hee Belize Breeze!

 

[sroutlaw]

Actually, since mom was not a Jew, the children are not considered Jewish - she would have to convert. Jewish children can only be born from a Jewish womb, which is why there is often an issue when parties intermarry.
So I highly doubt these kids have been raised in temple, in the sense of an Orthodox Jew.
And my kids wouldn't get to take off every Christian holiday in school btw, since Advent alone lasts five weeks, nearly. And Lent.... Nor would those be provided for with visitation in a divorce. It sounds pretty fair, really, that the judge allowed for one of the holy days in Sept or Oct - many Jewish holidays fall into that time period, so dad will have his kids with him during HIS holiday and his summer. But I am still not buying that the kids were being raised as Jewish before this, given their ages and his non-Jewish wife.
S

 

[newlywed03]

You keep going on about the ex being and atheist but still get Christmas with her kids. To the average 5 year old, Christmas is not a religious holiday. It's about Christmas trees, Santa, stockings, and presents. And as state by someone else here, you don't have to be religious to be a good parent with strong morals.

As for the child support order, $600 a month per child is reasonable. You would think he'd want to be sure his kids are well taken care of (especially since the ex doesn't work). When my brother's lawyer told him what his support payments would be, my brother asked him "how am I supposed to live? I have to support myself too." The response? "The state doesn't care what you have to do to support yourself, if you have to get 3 jobs to put a roof over your own head then that's what you have to do. What matters is the welfare of the child." And he was right.

You both need to stop the pity-party and start acting like adults. Everyone here has given you sound advise - document everything, find a good lawyer in NJ, and make sure you file contempt charges if the ex flakes (and yes, it sounds like that's going to happen at least once). Do everything twice - notify her by email and follow up by certificate letters. If she doesn't pick them up, they will be returned to you as such and you keep them for the ever growing file you will have showing she won't let him see his kids.

Follow the visitation set by the court, the more compliant he is the better he will look on down the road if you have to challange the order. If I were him, I would continue to try and call her - this way she can't say "well he only tried calling once and we never heard from him after that". If you wait for her to call, you know the call won't come. If her cell number is a toll or long distance call, it will be on your phone bill as proof of his attempt to contact his kids.

Good luck.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I wonder what Samaiel has left under my tree

 

[Lils]

I don't think there is anything in any of my posts that would be considered a pity party. We are in shock that his ex left the state with his two children without even letting him say goodbye, without discussing with him her intentions to take the 5 year old out of school 3 weeks before the end of the quarter, and not allowing him to speak to his children.

We are trying to decipher a court order and find appropriate actions. I agree that SOME people have given good advice.....If you take any of my comments regarding my boyfriends current emotional status as a pity party, then I can only say I must regard you as a cold-hearted person. He is experiencing what can only be described as something similiar to the death of his two children.

Moreoever, if I may comment based on assumptions and quick conclusions (which is what the majority of the people on this board do), I am to believe that some of you have probably done exactly what his nasty ex did....alienate your children from your ex and be so arrogant as to think the child only needs one parent. For those of you who think that, I feel sorry for you and I pray that your children are not 100% psychologically and emotionally damaged for the rest of their lives.

Lils

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And, of course, if your legal advice came from the Pope, the PLO authority or Osama himself you'd consider it better?

The mere fact that your boyfriend is jewish has nothing whatsoever to do with legal rights and obligations.

And if you think it do try reading the U.S. Constitution.

You are not a party to ANYTHING in this post. And your boyfriend has gotten VERY liberal visitation.

So, what would you have us tell you? It's alright to decide a legal issue based on religion JUST SO LONG as that religion happens to be Jewish?

Move to Israel then MAYBE I'd agree with you.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You have not been here long enough to judge anyone here or their motives.
Pity Party or not, you and your boyfriend, by being overly emotional. Agreeing to court orders without understanding their implications is not a good idea. Just because you do not agree or think the orders fair doesn't mean that everyone is out to get your boyfriend or that things can't be changed in the future. His children had a GAL and the welfare of the children is what is at stake, not how much money he has or is unable to shelter. You have been given appropriate advice, if you are willing to take it. His attorney is aware of the situation and will advise him of his rights and actions to take, sometimes you have to have patience. Please try to stick to the legal issues and not what is fair to your boyfriend.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Please try to stick to the legal issues and not what is fair to your boyfriend.

Now THAT is FUNNY!!!!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Now THAT is FUNNY!!!!

LOL
You are right, the father has very liberal visitation even by OP's own admission and religion has nothing to do with this issue even by Jewish law, those children are not jewish because their mother is not Jewish or converted and OP's claims only provokes emotion and fogs the issue.
What is important is for the father to document, work with his attorney, follow the orders and file as appropriate if the ex violates the order.

 

[Lils]

I do not take a personal attack on my boyfriend, or his religious views, as good advice. Again, I am trying to decide exactly what is fair to my boyfriend and what is a legal issue....thus, my original post and continued discussion on this board.

Also, the welfare of his children ARE at stake. Which is why I have been stating that concern quite clearly in several of my posts. His children had a GAL, who was unbelievably biased (and we have proof of this to boot) and twisted and used everything against him in the court of law. If one didn't know any better when observing in the court, one would have thought the GAL was counsel for his ex. The state of Georgia has the most antiquated and archaic child custody system, and we are fighting it.

I will take the advice that I feel is appropriate and pray that my boyfriend can work his way through the corrupt system. There is a case in Georgia where a man has filed 83 contempt charges against his ex-wife, all for failing to surrender his children for visitation, etc., and nothing is being done about it.....he hasn't seen his children in 4 years, and has no hope of seeing them ever again. This is exactly what we are up against. His ex did a fantastic job of lying about her true intentions, she had a crafty lawyer who told her to lie about anything and everything and she'll get away with it, my boyfriend told the truth about EVERYTHING, including his current salary, is a loving and supportive father, NOT A DEAD BEAT DAD, wants to give his children a good life, and he most likely will not get to.

Thank you for the advice I feel is productive! I certainly appreciate those who took the time to truly offer helpful advice...the odds are against us, but I am determined to help my boyfriend be active and involved in his children's lives, even if they are over a thousand miles away.

Lils