curious about child custody

[acmb05]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My 20 year old friend has a 4 year old boy. The boy's father is constantly saying he will pick up the boy, but never shows up. He called her last Thursday and wanted to see the boy on Father's day. They were leaving Saturday for a family vacation to Fla. He pitched a fit and said he was going to fight her for custody. She is stable and responsible and lives at home with parents while she goes to school full time. When she graduates she will make over 70k a year.(fall of 2007)
Dear old daddy is a convicted drug user who just got out of prison two months ago. (this is why she didn't marry him 4 years ago-she doesn't do drugs)
I think any judge would give full custody to her, especially after she graduates. Well, most judges.

She is very concerned about the drug use around her child. I would like to be able to tell her how to go about requiring a drug test for visitation. Can she also require it on his girlfriend? Can she ask for hair follicle testing. Apparently the drug of choice is cocaine and crack, both of which I think are out of your system pretty quickly.

I repeat, she is clean and VERY responsible. Granted, she wasn't when she got pregnant, but has done the right things ever since.

Thanks for any advice.

Nothing is guaranteed. She could possibly earn 70k a year

 

[Ohiogal]

No, there has not been a paternity test.
Has he been legally adjudicated the father?

No, there has not been a visitation hearing/custody hearing, nor has anything of that nature been established by the courts.

Then she doesn't have to allow visitation.She has full custody at this juncture.

Yes, he is supposed to pay child support-but does so intermittently.

Based on what? Based on the fact that he PROMISED to pay child support. You said there was no court order established by the courts.

He is now threatening to gain full custody, and she just wants to keep that from happening, and be absolutely certain that he is drug free, and has been for a while before allowing visitation.
He won't get full custody. He will most likely get joint custody legal and physical. When he is established as the legal daddy the court will give him that. She will have to prove why a drug test is necessary. And if it is because she knows because she used to use with him -- watch the court order both to get them.
Next time she is over, I will have her post her own answers just to make you all happy.

I was just trying to do her a favor.

Your daughter chose him. She slept with him. She made the decision to have a baby with him. Now she gets to have him in the child's life for either her life, the child's life or his life. She doesn't get to dictate when he goes for custody what he gets. The court will be the decision maker for the next 18 years if there is a dispute. Your little girl needs to get used to that. She doesn't get to decide that daddy isn't worth while now because she has decided he isn't. Sorry. Doesn't work that way.

 

[Halls]

Next time y'all have plans and dad threatens your daughter tell him to make good on his threats than and quit letting him control whether or not y'all go on a family vacation somewhere. By the way, to stop all the threats and have everything done legally mom should file first in court for full custody and visitation. Anyhow, sounds like this guy is a punk who wants to control. Once your daughter files and he is served I'm betting he will be freaked out and forced to spend lots of money on a lawyer. So, turn this all around on him and don't let him scare y'all anymore.

Fact is he is the father and a judge will likely give him some type of visitation at first working up to regular visitation. Your daughter may or may not known what kind of guy dad was when she slept with him, but that is why you get to know someone very well before you make that choice.

Your daughter can always fight dad and ask the court for a drug test on dad to prove he is what she says he is. But she needs to get ready to realize that dad can get rights. Chances of him getting full custody are slim to none and not likely. His threats are meaningless!

 

[katinmaine]

If they were not married, then mom has custody of child. Mom should not file first she should let the dad, prove that he is the father. I had the same worries with my children. I went to Child and Family services and they helped me. They did tell me not to file for full custody because legally I already had it, where we were never married. I had a Social worker on my side that went to court with me and after they Investigated father found that in the best interest of the children, father should only be granted supervised visits until father could prove he was not using anymore, and he had to go to by weekly drug testing.

I am not sure if this would work in your state but it never hurts to find out

 

[Halls]

right, of course mom has custody right now and dad has none because dad has never established himself as the father, but he keeps making threats and trying to control. It is all about if you want to take control back or keep going the same way things have been with dad making threats all the time and being controlling and letting him.

Of course you could always just ignore his threats and don't do give it to them and let him make good on his threats on file first. Personally, he may do that, but a young kid likely doesn't have a lot of money and isn't going to haveit to go and file in court for custody/paternity. It is very hard and a long process, not something that happens over night and in the end he won't end up with custody. So, yes you can just move on with your life and ignore the jerk and wait for him to file.

 

[saminalham]

Thank you

Thanks everyone for giving constructive answers. I will take them all under advisement. I think that if I were her, I would go ahead and file, but I am not.
It would make her feel better to be back in control, though, so thanks for that thought.
I am not sure a paternity test has been done, so I'll ask her, and we'll take it from there.

Thanks again,

Saminalham

 

[rmet4nzkx]

right, of course mom has custody right now and dad has none because dad has never established himself as the father, but he keeps making threats and trying to control. It is all about if you want to take control back or keep going the same way things have been with dad making threats all the time and being controlling and letting him.

Of course you could always just ignore his threats and don't do give it to them and let him make good on his threats on file first. Personally, he may do that, but a young kid likely doesn't have a lot of money and isn't going to haveit to go and file in court for custody/paternity. It is very hard and a long process, not something that happens over night and in the end he won't end up with custody. So, yes you can just move on with your life and ignore the jerk and wait for him to file.

Please stop sending me PM's

Private Message: You are a big idiot!

Today, 11:07 AM
Halls
Member

Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 289
You are a big idiot!
Ooops, called you a name! Am I in trouble with you yet? You gonna get me banned? Go right ahead you little twit!

Also, I did not try and stop my sons father from getting paternal rights to his son. Actually after I gave birth I had no idea that I could go into court without a lawyer to get child support, etc.. but since me and my sons father got along just fine and he was paying child support to me not court ordered I guess we didn't need to go to court. NOt going to court doesn't mean a parent is violating the law you dimwit. Actually some parents believe it or not don't need the law to handle their rights to the child cause they get along nicely enough to avoid a dumb judgesn't signature.

So, I didn't intentionally keep my son away from his father, Miss youthinkyouknowitall!