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Custodial move away

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ElsiSharp

Junior Member
My screen name is from a Sharp Elsi calculator that was on my desk.

I cannot explain my reasons for being absent. I knew about the child 9 days after he was born, and apparently she was going to give him up for adoption but had major complications and was life flighted somewhere and her family got her to change her mind. I saw the child twice in the first year I believe, and they even let me come get him from their home on one of the occasions.

She moved away for school and took him with her. I tried to contact her once about moving in with them but she scoffed at me. She finished school and moved further yaway. Three or four years ago they started garnishing child support from me and I have not missed a payment since that time (as its taken from my check) so I couldn't stop it if I wanted to.

I married and have another child of my own, and I guess we feel like we should be in his life now. So I filed for it. She immediately started going 100mph (I hear this through people who know her), she hired an attorney and was considering putting a ton of distance in between us, she sent the letter of consent to adoption, and probably is considering terminating my rights involuntarily. Its safe to sa she is vehemently against me being in the childs life. Personally after reading this board and gathering up info, I think she wants to move far away before an order is established so that she won't have to help pay for visitation. If the order is established and THEN she moves, the court might ask her to help with visitation.

I didn't want to file for custody, but my attorney mistakingly thought I wanted to and sent her a parenting plan offer in which he asked for me to get 50% legal and physical custody. I believe this enraged her to take all these actions. Again I have contact with her and she prefers it that way, I don't have their number and child support will not give it to me/does not know it. I wanted to file for visitation but my attorney said we should start high and then barter lower.
 
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txmom512

Member
Blue Meanie said:
I can't help but notice that OP's user name is Elsi Sharp...Someone correct me if I am wrong, but Elsi is (to my knowledge) a female name.

Elsi...Are you the fathers wife/girlfriend? :confused:
Click to expand...

I work for the state in Texas - there actually is an Elsi that works in one of our departments - and he's a man...
 
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milspecgirl

Senior Member
yep- wife is mad that he is paying child support for a child he doesn't see.

you need to seriously think about what is best for this child! Do YOU really want a relationship? Enough to agree to gradual supervised visitation while getting to know the child and then moving up to a long distance parenting plan (If she moves)? It is going to take time, money, and most likley a lot of anguish to develop this relationship after this much time. You are the only one who can decide if it is worth it to YOU. Important thing is though- once you start down this path and the child gets to know you, don't you dare back out on him again. If you can't commit to this child 110%, then stop now
 
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ElsiSharp

Junior Member
Of course I will think about what I want to do. I understand that by doing this I am putting a lot on myself and also on my son. I do not know if he even knows about me, and I don't really know much about the mom or her husband...I didn't even know she was married.

What am I looking at if she moves right now, before there is an order?

What am I looking at if she goes for a step parent adoption based on disinterest. What stance would my attorney take against her? That I pay child support?
 
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milspecgirl

Senior Member
jurisdiction, since you have already filed, will remain where she currently lives. She would have to live in the new place for a minimum of 6 mo for that state to have jurisdiction.

I doubt that a judge is going to order her back though, since you haven't had an ongoing relationship.

If she tries to file to terminate your rights, you would need to contest it, if you dont want them terminated. The judge will most likely give you a chance to build the bond- but you will probably have to go where the child is. Also, don't expect mom to have to pay all the transportation just because she moved.
You are the one at the disadvantage since you have no relationship with the child.
 
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Rightstobaby

Member
All I can say is I hope you know what you are doing to your son. You will uproot his entire world and possibly cause him a lot of emotional issues. If you wanted to be involved - why didn't you do it before? If you do become involved, I would hope you and Mom would get the child some counseling as I am certain his level of confusion, upset and possibly anger would be over the top...
 
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ElsiSharp

Junior Member
stealth2 said:
Down to brass tacks - WHY do you now want to be a part of your son's life?
Click to expand...


Somewhere along the line of being a part of my current family I started to regret never seeing my child. I wish I had an explicit reason, but I pay my child support and feel I should be able to know him.

I came back to this thread because I have an update.

Yesterday my lawyer called and said she had received a call from mothers lawyer who said child support goes up at the age of 6 and threw out some numbers to me as to how much child support is going to cost me. I told them I don't wish to sign over the rights. Today my lawyer called back and said they had filed a motion to have my rights terminated have mothers husband adopt the child...they are attempting to terminate my rights based on extreme parental disinterest.

My lawyer is confident that my rights will not be terminated, and also said had never seen rights terminated in a contested hearing when support is always paid.

But I also know enough to know that lawyers aren't always correct. I'm also baffled as to what I will tell the Judge as to why I am a stranger to my son. Is paid child support enough to keep my rights in this case? Won't the judge show favor because we filed for visitation BEFORE they filed for termination?
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
There is case law supporting both sides - at this point it appears to be something of a crap-shoot. It IS possible to have your rights involuntarily terminated based on extreme disinterest. It's also possible that Mom is fighting an expensive and losing battle, and that eventually you'll be able to parent your child.

Paying child support incidentally isn't a ticket to see the child.

Would you still want to see the child if you weren't paying child support?

I note in your very first post that the very first thing you wrote was...


I pay child support for a 5yr old son.
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It did not say, for example, "I have missed being a part of my son's life and really want to become a father to him".

Hmmm.
 
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ElsiSharp

Junior Member
Proserpina said:
There is case law supporting both sides - at this point it appears to be something of a crap-shoot. It IS possible to have your rights involuntarily terminated based on extreme disinterest. It's also possible that Mom is fighting an expensive and losing battle, and that eventually you'll be able to parent your child.

Paying child support incidentally isn't a ticket to see the child.

Would you still want to see the child if you weren't paying child support?

I note in your very first post that the very first thing you wrote was...



It did not say, for example, "I have missed being a part of my son's life and really want to become a father to him".

Hmmm.
Click to expand...

I guess I was just trying to give all the stone cold facts, but I also understand that to give your opinion on things you would need to know why I am an absent parent, as I'm sure the Judge will ask me that.

I guess thats what I fear, trying to explain myself. Child was born when I was 19 and Mom 17, and i didn't even know about him until 9 days after he was born.

I feel I am in a bad spot. I know no one on here can predict the future or what a court will do, but I guess I'm basically going in there to plead for mercy.

I filed for visitation and there is still no court date set on that modification. The way it was explained to me, her lawyer asked for a conference call with me and basically called to remind me that child support is going up and that they are entitled to seek medical/dental payments too. My attorney mentioned that our current support order doesn't set a timetable on the bills so they could in theory gather up every bill from the past 5 years and ask me to share in it.
 
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Proserpina

Senior Member
Honestly, if you genuinely want to be Dad - you need to fight tooth and nail against this petition to terminate your parental rights.

You have several things against you, however the fact that you filed for visitation BEFORE they filed to terminate your rights may be in your favor.

I really don't know how else the board can help you - this really is up in the air and you're ALL (you, your ex and more importantly your child) are literally at the mercy of the courts.

:confused:
 
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