custody violation

[50/50dad]

What is the name of your state? GA

my ex wife and I have joint custody and I get our son on the weekends and she has him during the week. Per our divorce agreement, no one pays alimony or child support. Now, she is trying to keep him from letting me see him on the weekends and says that since she has him during the week and I don't pay child support that she has custody and there is nothing I can do about it.

What can I do?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? GA

my ex wife and I have joint custody and I get our son on the weekends and she has him during the week. Per our divorce agreement, no one pays alimony or child support. Now, she is trying to keep him from letting me see him on the weekends and says that since she has him during the week and I don't pay child support that she has custody and there is nothing I can do about it.

What can I do?

What EXACTLY do your orders state?

 

[50/50dad]

the orders state:

wife shall have custody of the minor child from friday upon recess of school untill the next friday when she returns the minor child to school; Husband shall have custody of the minor child from Friday upon the recess of school until the next Friday when he returns the minor child to school.

This worked until she moved out of the school district where I then had custody of him with the exception of every other weekend. After about a year and a half she wanted custody during the week because she said it was a better school district. We then went to her having him during the week and I have him every weekend. We have been doing this for 2 years now and now she is saying she does not know if that is a good idea and says she isn't going to meet me at our meeting time and spot tonight. We have been meeting at the same spot and time every Friday for about 2 years and again on Sunday night for me to return him.

Is there anything I can do about tonights meeting? I am planning on hiring a lawyer and seeking custody (mainly because he has been missing a lot of school and is failing his classes), but I haven't had time to find one yet since all this happened last night.

 

[bradybunchmom]

mom may lose custody

tell mom if she doesnt meet you with the child tonight, you will file contempt charges on her.she doesnt get to dictate visitation-period, and if she wants to eventually lose custody, keep on with her bull****, childish, immature behavior. just because she has custody does not give her power over your parental rights. she should think of her son first instead of herself.

 

[LdiJ]

tell mom if she doesnt meet you with the child tonight, you will file contempt charges on her.she doesnt get to dictate visitation-period, and if she wants to eventually lose custody, keep on with her bull****, childish, immature behavior. just because she has custody does not give her power over your parental rights. she should think of her son first instead of herself.

I don't believe that threatening contempt is his solution at this point. It appears that they have orders that are defunct and aren't enforceable as written. They have themselves changed things over the years without formalizing those changes in court. Mom can certainly prove that the child has been living primarily with her since the child is enrolled in her school district. What he really need to do it take it back to court to get the orders modified.

 

[50/50dad]

Thank you for the advice. I plan on getting a lawyer and taking her back to court since she is now denying me visitation and the situation has worsened. It is very sad that we could not work this out by ourselves.

How much do courts look at school records (grades/attendance) and stability of the parents situation? The mother is unemployeed, and has been for a very long time, and is getting welfare assistance. She has another child from an affair she had while we were married and can not afford to take care of herself, let alone the two children. Also, she is moving my son back and forth during the school week from her dad's house, where her "permanent address" is, to her boyfriends house. She says she has not moved in with him but they are staying there every night. I am concerned for my son since his grades have dropped considerably and he has missed a lot of days because she does not wake up in the morning and geting him to school. When he lived with me his grades were excellent and he did not miss days. I am also concerned that she is over medicating him. He is on 2 types of ADD medications, that he did not need when with me, and she constantly gives him benadryl to calm him down.

I am hoping the courts will look at these issues and decide what is best for him but people have been telling me not to get my hopes up because this is GA and they almost always side with the mother. They say more than likely they will just make me pay her child support so that she can afford to pay her rent/bills/car insurance/etc.

 

[FLFamof5]

Question?

How old is your son?

 

[50/50dad]

He will be 13 on April 1st.

 

[50/50dad]

anyone know how much the courts look at grades and school attendance?

 

[LdiJ]

anyone know how much the courts look at grades and school attendance?

Dad....you have a problem. In GA at 14 the child's wishes regarding custody rule. Therefore if your son wants to remain with his mother...and you can't prove his mother legally unfit....then you could be spinning your wheels on this one.

Yes, he is not 14 yet....however by the time you fight out a custody battle he could be close enough to 14 that the judge wouldn't rule against his wishes....or mom could take it right back to court at soon as he IS 14.

Yes, school performance can be a factor...how much of a factor depends on just how badly the child is doing....and again...that is something very fixable if the child wishes to remain with mom. If you use school as a factor mom and child could make major effects to improve that situation over the course of the case.

You may be better off establishing a specific and enforceable visitation schedule.

 

[50/50dad]

Thank you for the info. Yes, I figured this would not be easy. The biggest problem is that my ex is not making him go to school. He has missed 26 days in one semester and is failing at least 2 classes. She has said that if she wakes up late and he has already missed the bus, which he has to ride his bike to his grandfathers house from the boyfriends house every morning to catch the bus since the boyfriends apartment is not in the same school district, that she just lets him stay home. I am sure that she writes him some kind of note saying that he was sick, but still....26 days!

I definitly want my son to have visitation with his mother because he loves her very much and it would be best for him. However, she is not taking care of his school needs and that is a big problem for me. I am trying to get him to be here during the week and she can see him on weekends, which would be reverse of what we had been doing. Unfortunately he will have to chose where he wants to live and he feels like coming to live with me would be unloyal to his mother. She always tells him that if he came to live with me that his brother would be upset and she would be heart broken. I do not talk about this with him a lot because I am trying not to put him "in the middle" of it...so to speak. However I thought it was important to see how he would feel about it.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for the info. Yes, I figured this would not be easy. The biggest problem is that my ex is not making him go to school. He has missed 26 days in one semester and is failing at least 2 classes. She has said that if she wakes up late and he has already missed the bus, which he has to ride his bike to his grandfathers house from the boyfriends house every morning to catch the bus since the boyfriends apartment is not in the same school district, that she just lets him stay home. I am sure that she writes him some kind of note saying that he was sick, but still....26 days!

I definitly want my son to have visitation with his mother because he loves her very much and it would be best for him. However, she is not taking care of his school needs and that is a big problem for me. I am trying to get him to be here during the week and she can see him on weekends, which would be reverse of what we had been doing. Unfortunately he will have to chose where he wants to live and he feels like coming to live with me would be unloyal to his mother. She always tells him that if he came to live with me that his brother would be upset and she would be heart broken. I do not talk about this with him a lot because I am trying not to put him "in the middle" of it...so to speak. However I thought it was important to see how he would feel about it.

In the meantime....have you thought about buying your son an alarm clock so that he can get himself up and off for school on time? Have you thought about impressing the importance of school on him and helping him take responsibility for getting himself there? Any custody battle is going to take time....and your son's school issues can't just be put on hold until the battle is over.

Have you thought about trying to get the school's help in impressing upon mom the importance of regular attendence?

 

[50/50dad]

All good points....

Yes, I bought him an alarm clock last year, so he is waking up, just not actually "getting up". He wakes up and then goes back to sleep. Last year my ex called and said that our son was not listening to her and wouldn't get up. So, I made him call me every morning at a certain time and make sure he was up and dressed and ready to go. Why she could not get him up, well I am not sure about that. He doesn't seem to be listening to her because she never disciplines him.

Yes, I stress the importance of school to him all the time. We have the regualr talks about how it may not seem fun now but that it is very important and one day he will be very thankful that he got a good education. He also get rewards for making good grades.

My thoughts on this matter is that if she can not control her child then maybe she should not have him. He is coming into very important teenages years and to be living in a house with no discipline is going to be devestating to his school work, attendance, beavior, etc. He is allowed to play video games after school without doing his homework and is allowed to turn the alarm off and go back to sleep with literally no consequences.

No matter how much I stress the importance of these issues, it does not seem to be working. If you were a 13 year old boy and were allowed to play video games instead of doing homework, which would you chose. If you could sleep in and then get up and play video games all day instead of going to school....what would you do. If you had to chose between living with rules and having to do your homework, and going to school or living with no rules and being able to do what you want, which woudl you want at that age?

It is all very frustrating but it is important to my childs future and well being so I am going to fight for him....even if he doesn't appreciate it at his age now.

 

[50/50dad]

P.s.

Still haven't seen my son. I am used to having him every weekend but this is now my second weekend with out him. His mother is now living with her boyfriend, who is actually a very nice guy, but she won't tell me where she is so I can't just go down and get him. She keeps coming up with excuses as to why I can not see him. I have a second appointment with an attorney on Thursday to discuss an atction plan (had consultation last Wednesday). I really would like to see him for at least some of his spring break....any advice.

 

[LdiJ]

Still haven't seen my son. I am used to having him every weekend but this is now my second weekend with out him. His mother is now living with her boyfriend, who is actually a very nice guy, but she won't tell me where she is so I can't just go down and get him. She keeps coming up with excuses as to why I can not see him. I have a second appointment with an attorney on Thursday to discuss an atction plan (had consultation last Wednesday). I really would like to see him for at least some of his spring break....any advice.

The best advice I can give you is that you clearly need the attorney...or need to be prepared to file petitions yourself...QUICKLY. Otherwise you aren't going to get any part of Spring Break if mom continues to deny. Depending on your area and the court's schedule summer could even be iffy...so light a fire under that attorney.