Custody/visitation moving out of state

[Stormy5]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma
I have been divorced for about 7 yrs now. I share 3 children with my ex. from 9 yrs to 15 yrs old. I have custody of the kids. He sees them occasionally. He has never taken any of the holidays he is scheduled to take them on. Never has he taken them during any of his Summer visitation either. It is in the visitation papers and he could have, they would have been in daycare either way during the day. He just has never been interested in any of that time with them. He will tell you as much himself. He takes them every other weekend, and misses those every couple of months or so. Now I'm not making a point to complain, although the kids feelings have been hurt alot by this in the past 6 yrs. They used to ask to go and he would tell them no, no , no until finally, they dont even expect him to do it. I'm trying to give you some background, and there is indeed alot more I could tell you. However I need to ask a question. The economy is extremely bad here in Oklahoma. My husband, whom I have been married to for about 5 yrs now builds and sells computers, can also do networking and various other things. We wanted to open a computer shop, or at least him work at one until we can, however some of the people we know that already own computer shops are taking night jobs because business is so bad right now in this state. Our teachers are being fired, in our school district the janitors have been fired and teachers and kids are responsible for cleaning the rooms and taking care of those things. Lights are turned out in the rooms. It is ridiculous. My question is, can I move out of state with the kids to get away from this economy and find a better job. Because of the kids and their dad, we dont want to move any farther than we have to. We were thinking around the Dallas area. It would be about a 3 1/2 hour drive from here. Do the courts do a 6 month split or what????? I know my ex wouldnt even want the kids for that long. I'm just not sure what the options are..... My husband also has a son with his ex-wife. She has custody. What about that??? Would he have a 6 month split also???? Any facts, opinions, or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[bugaboo]

what does your decree say about moving the children out of the area...there should be a section on there about moving...

 

[Stormy5]

I just looked over my decree again.. It doesnt say anything anywhere about anyone moving. For the record, since it is at the bottom of your message I am not trying to keep the kids away from their dad. I have tried and tried to convince him and counselors have also tried to convince him that a close relationship with him is vital to the kids. He has shown no interest in having a close relationship with them. He went to the counselor the kids have been seeing one time and when the counselor told my ex and his wife that it was important to spend the time given to them with the kids, they decided they didnt want to talk to the counselor anymore and didnt go back. As a matter of fact, after sending him a letter once after we had been divorced a couple of years asking him if he was going to take the kids during his break with them I got a letter back from him stating he checked with his attorney and his attorney told him he didnt have to see his kids if he didnt want to. I just thought oh my gosh!!!!! All the dads out there (including my own husband) who have a pbfh raising their kids and wont even let their kids come when the kids really want to and wear out the saying " your not going to get any extra time ever" and make a point to keep them away, I have an ex who could see his kids whenever he wanted, he doesnt have to kiss my butt to do so or anything ridiculous all he would have to do is call his kids and make a plan. He chooses not to do so. Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight on that. Since its not in my divorce, does anyone know what the laws are??? What about my husband and his son, with whom his ex wife lives with and has custody of??? What kind of arrangements are there for that????

 

[Stormy5]

Where is the SSSS. I cant find you girls now. I used to go there all the time. But havent been for quite a while. ( wifey2)

 

[ellencee]

You need to check the laws, or general statutes of your state and look for criteria for warranting a change in custody. Usually, most states do have a part of the law that allows for a petition for change of custody if the custodial parent moves a certain distance away. But, that doesn't mean that custodial parents can't move without a change in custody.

I did not see any indication that the father is going to take you to court to seek a change in custody if you move. I don't think that if you are moving because of the need to relocate in order to be employed (your spouse), that the court is going to look at it as an act of intentionally interfering with the children's rights to see their father.

You could head off any trouble by offering to meet the father halfway for visitation's beginning and end and by coming up with a reasonable schedule for visitation--like once a month on the weekend during the school year and a month or so during the summer of uninterrupted visitation with their father. I don't see it being a real problem for you if as you have stated, he's not interested.

You and your husband can work out a similar arrangement for seeing his child from a previous relationship.

This doesn't have to be a court battle and it doesn't have to be about what kind of a person he is or the counselors or anything like that. If you need to move in order to have gainful employment for your husband, start checking out the want ads and send your ex a letter that extends your offer to facilitate his visits after your move.

 

[Stormy5]

Some good ideas. Thank you. My mom and dad live here too and they would help too with the kids when they wanted to come see their dad. For instance, my daughter is afraid to stay the night at her dads house, has been now for about a year or so. Her dad married someone who is pagan and now is himself. I'm not giving my opinion, or trying to step on any toes but the fact is in the past our kids have been frightened by things that have gone on. My kids step mom was burning candles over them and chanting and it scared them and my daughter hasnt wanted to stay the night. By the way, it was court ordered for them to stop doing those things in front of the kids. They had stopped for a while, but now have began to have the kids around some things, like inviting the kids to chant which is putting them in contempt. My point is my parents said when my kids came down if they didnt want to stay the night with their dad, they could stay the night with my parents and go to their dads for the days on the weekends. Told ya there was ALOT to this. The relationship however the kids have with both households is very important to them and their well being and I want to try to make it as good for them as possible. I havent mentioned it yet to him because our relationship isnt good at all and he tends to cuss me out preaty readily. I just want to make sure its what we are going to do first and like you said check out some things before I get anything "stirred up". No, I beleive the court records and correspondences by me and my ex will show I have always been the one supporting him having a relationship with them and he also has ALWAYS been able to see them whenever he and they wanted to do it. I beleive if they are your children, divorce doesnt change that fundamental fact. Period. (by the way, my husbands ex wife is exactly the opposite and will keep their kid away just because she is in the mood to mess with him) How do I find out what the laws or statutes are here????

 

[ellencee]

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[Boxcarbill]

How do I find out what the laws or statutes are here????

You are not required to research out the law to determine your rights, privileges and obligations under the degree. You are bound by the last order entered by the court regarding the topic. This isn't like criminal law in which "ignorance of the law is no excuse."

People, not trained in law, reading statutes usually produces the same results as people, not trained in medicine, reading The Merck Manual--unnecessary alarm and confusion.

 

[Stormy5]

Well, first of all thank you both for the feedback and the info. Now Boxcarbill are you saying that I can just do what I need to do and dont worry about it since it is not mentioned anywhere in my decree. Of course, I will let the kids dad know what I am doing as soon as I know myself and as far as my part goes, I am willing for us to work something out that would suit him so he and the children can see eachother as much as they want. I have absolutely no problem at all with that.
Now, however in my husbands divorce decree it does say that the custodial parent is not to move away, of course this means his exwife since she has custody of their son. The child is with us every Wednesday and every other weekend as well as the 6 weeks in summer and alternate holidays. Our question is, what does my husband need to do. I know the Wednesdays will be out, but it means so much for that child to come, to him and us and the other 4 kids we have that we will need some kind of modification to meet those needs for the kids as well as the father/son relationship. We are all close and the kids are very close. Do the courts modify to a 6 month split in these cases or what????

 

[Stormy5]

Well I went to that site and it seems like a great site, but I guess I am not putting in the right keywords because I'm not coming up with anything. Any suggestions???

 

[Boxcarbill]

Well, first of all thank you both for the feedback and the info. Now Boxcarbill are you saying that I can just do what I need to do and dont worry about it since it is not mentioned anywhere in my decree. Of course, I will let the kids dad know what I am doing as soon as I know myself and as far as my part goes, I am willing for us to work something out that would suit him so he and the children can see eachother as much as they want. I have absolutely no problem at all with that.
Now, however in my husbands divorce decree it does say that the custodial parent is not to move away, of course this means his exwife since she has custody of their son. The child is with us every Wednesday and every other weekend as well as the 6 weeks in summer and alternate holidays. Our question is, what does my husband need to do. I know the Wednesdays will be out, but it means so much for that child to come, to him and us and the other 4 kids we have that we will need some kind of modification to meet those needs for the kids as well as the father/son relationship. We are all close and the kids are very close. Do the courts modify to a 6 month split in these cases or what????

I am saying that you are bound by the terms and condition set out in the last decree and/or order affecting that topic. Read the decree and read with comprehension. After you have read it, then read it again and by the word--no skimming or speed reading. Read the last modification order, if any. You are bound by the degree and the modifications, if any, of that degree. You are also bound by all criminal statutes so if they contravene what you need to do, then, no, you cannot do it unless you are prepared to pay the penalty.

As to worry you can worry about anything you chose to worry about. Can you control the conduct of other people? No. Will your ex-husband file against you? May be and may be not. Will husband's ex-wife file against him? May be and may be not. Will you file against your current husband? May be and may be not. Will your current husband file against you? May be and may be not. If you want to worry, there are an infinite amount of things to worry about but my experience has been trouble usually finds us soon enough without us conducting a search for it

 

[Stormy5]

Well your right about that, I can think of a million things to worry about. But then again, what would be the point? So I have taken a couple of deep breaths and re read the decree "with comprehension" just to make sure. There is nothing in it about the custodial parent moving away. Is that odd??? Like I said I have tried to look up the statutes for our state regarding this, however evidently I am not putting the right keywords in because I am not coming up with the topic I want. I am at a loss.