dad wants to keep son after visit

[scared ohiomom]

What is the name of your state?ohio

Today i recieved a call from the father that he has finally saw for himself that our son needs help with school and his solution is for our son to live with him and his new wife so that they can help get him on track.which would be a great if they had in fact done anything that they ever said they would do or had constant contact with our son .they were told of his school problems over 4 years ago and have not helped in any way.

i have told him that is not there decision that they can help by give him their support from there with phone calls and letters and actually showing up when he has visitation not by taking him there so they don't have to make such an effort and while our son sleep on a couch.

am i being selfish because i feel that they have ignored my please for the dad to be a better father all along or should i let the father try his hand at this problem?

 

[Bre's_mom]

I would let his father try it out, and see how it goes...Please let him have a chance, if he wants to be in his life, let him...Good Luck

 

[marcus_n_tonya]

What does the court order say about when he is suppose to return the child? Regardless of what he wants to do he has to abide by the order or he is in contempt.

I have a child that struggles in school and I must say that it can be a very uphill battle and often times can feel as though your helpless or doing something wrong. I don't believe that moving the child away from a parent that has raised him (for all his life?) would have positive impact on the situation; especially if he does not have a strong relationship with the other parent.

I would just continue to work very closely with the school system and keep yourself informed on any and all programs there are available in your community to help with these issues. You may also give some consideration to some sort of counseling as it can often have a very helpful and positive impact on school performance and behavioral issues.

 

[stealth2]

Before you make a decision, you should be aware that there are some serious ramifications to whatever you decide. Once you send your son to live with his Dad, you're setting a precedent which says you believe Dad is fit to raise him. When/if you decide you want the boy to return to you - you're not going to be able to say Dad is no longer fit, because you're the one who agreed to the change. You'd need proof of behavior you weren't aware of (like physical abuse of your child) to show he's not fit. If your boy does well in school after moving to Dad's, you can bet that he would prevail in he filed in court. If your boy doesn't improve, he may still prevail because the move was made with your consent.

If you don't allow your son to stay there, it's entirely possible that Dad will file for a change in custody based on his educational problems. Since it's been an ongoing problem (4 years), he may have a good chance tho it's not guaranteed. You've got a tough decision to make.

 

[scared ohiomom]

his father is a bi-polar manic depressed man whom caint afford his med's let alone the support he doesn't pay even though the support is set aside for our son colledge.even his new wife has lupas and there children have problems as well my biggest fear is that my son is being guilted into wanting this.or feeling the need to help them himself

i'm very torn i want whats best for our son but his father and new family are not well and i'm afraid being a young man he will get lost in their drama
any suggestion on how to help our son understand his fathers illness without saying anything bad about him would be great

 

[scared ohiomom]

his father and his family have always messed with our sons head at age 3 he was put into his grandparents gaurdianship{then kept away from me and my family} because of his violence to me and my other child so at age 5 they made him choose between me and dad {i was totally unaware of this until after all was said and done}even with all they have done im very aware that we all need our families sick or well and have never kept him from them.but now that hes getting older he feels he can help them instead of having the happy childhood we are giving him

i fear for him

 

[stealth2]

I don't understand, given what you've posted, why you would even consider allowing him to stay with his father. It's just a whacked idea. How old is your son? He doesn't get a choice in this.

 

[scared ohiomom]

my son is now 12 with the biggest heart ever now that hes in a loving home

im very scare that he will hate me for my decision
and even possibly get unruley

i need help on how to explain to him with out cuting dad or family down and show him that he caint help them they need to help themselves

 

[scared ohiomom]

it was never really a question of where to stay or not but how to explain the reason or not to explain at all

 

[stealth2]

"This is an issue between your father and I. At this point in time, I don't think it's in your best interests to live with him full time."

 

[scared ohiomom]

thank you !!!!!!!!! but he will not leave it at that and i dont want his mind wondering