Daughters father about to get out of prison what should I do?

[iperez21083]

My daughter is turning 12 in November 2018. Her biological father who left me when I was 3 months pregnant, will be getting out of prison with in 1 year. She hasn't had any contact with him since she was 2 years old and this was for only 2 1/2 month that we got back together. (So no contact before that or after that) She saw him 2 times in prison (because she asked me to see him she was 7) and then after those visits she told me she didn't want to see him again. For the last 2 weeks she has been replying to emails he has send her but at the same time she is scared telling me she doesn't really want to have visits with him once he gets out. What can I and what should I do. All this has me very concerned. She is now writing him because she said's God asks of us to forgive and she does forgive him abandoning her but that she doesn't know him, he is a stranger to her. He is saying he wants to spend all the time he can with her and wants to catch up on lost time (12 years) She doesn't want to be left alone with him once he is out, she even told me last night she was scared for him to just appear at our home when he wants once he is out. I need advice please, and thank you ahead of time.

 

[Zigner]

It is natural for your daughter to have fears, concerns, etc. about this matter. She needs to be (and should already have been) in counseling about this.

Why is dad in prison?

And, what US state?

 

[xylene]

What can I and what should I do.

Get a lawyer and plan for setting up some reasonable visits supervised by you.

Get therapy for your daughter, and maybe yourself too. I'm sure this is a stressful time.

 

[iperez21083]

State: FLORIDA

Current Prison Sentence History:
Offense Date Offense Sentence Length
02/24/2009 TRAFF COCAINE 28-U/200GR 9Y 0M 0D
11/23/2009 TRAFF COCAINE 28-U/200GR 9Y 0M 0D
09/10/2009 TRAFF COCAINE 28-U/200GR 9Y 0M 0D

Prior Prison History:
Offense Date Offense Sentence Length
08/08/1995 ROBB. WPN-NOT DEADLY 12Y 9M 1D
08/08/1995 ROBB. WPN-NOT DEADLY 12Y 9M 1D this is double because it was 2 counts of ROBB. WPN-NOT DEADLY
08/08/1995 KIDNAP;COMM.OR FAC.FELONY 12Y 9M 1D
08/08/1995 BURGLARY ASSAULT ANY PERSON 12Y 9M 1D
08/08/1995 1ST DG MUR/PREMED. OR ATT.(ATTEMPTED) 12Y 9M 1D

 

[Zigner]

Those are serious charges. Unfortunately, I agree that some visitation will be likely. You NEED an aggressive attorney on this matter. Any supervision of visitation should be by a professional supervisor (paid for by him), not by you. (The prior poster didn't have the information you posted about his charges when he posted.)

 

[iperez21083]

Get a lawyer and plan for setting up some reasonable visits supervised by you.

Get therapy for your daughter, and maybe yourself too. I'm sure this is a stressful time.

Thank you, I just married (2years in Feb) my daughter calls her stepdad "Dad" - She has also expressed concerns about her biological father ruining my marriage "Her happy family" <<her words exactly , She even wrote her biological father telling him to remember that I was married and she does not want him starting things when he gets out with her stepdad and me. uuufff honestly I think I am now paying for wrong choices in my youth :-( and my poor baby if paying for it.

 

[Zigner]

Thank you, I just married (2years in Feb) my daughter calls her stepdad "Dad" - She has also expressed concerns about her biological father ruining my marriage "Her happy family" <<her words exactly , She even wrote her biological father telling him to remember that I was married and she does not want him starting things when he gets out with her stepdad and me. uuufff honestly I think I am now paying for wrong choices in my youth :-( and my poor baby if paying for it.

Your daughter should not be calling your new husband "dad". The child needs counseling...really.

 

[LdiJ]

Those are serious charges. Unfortunately, I agree that some visitation will be likely. You NEED an aggressive attorney on this matter. Any supervision of visitation should be by a professional supervisor (paid for by him), not by you. (The prior poster didn't have the information you posted about his charges when he posted.)

I agree but will add that mom is in total control until dad actually takes things to court to get court ordered visitation. Therefore until dad does that, mom is free to do whatever she feels is in the best interest of her child.

 

[LdiJ]

Your daughter should not be calling your new husband "dad". The child needs counseling...really.

The child is 12, and I suspect made the decision to do that on her own. Its not nearly as big a deal as it would have been had she been considerably younger.

 

[iperez21083]

Those are serious charges. Unfortunately, I agree that some visitation will be likely. You NEED an aggressive attorney on this matter. Any supervision of visitation should be by a professional supervisor (paid for by him), not by you. (The prior poster didn't have the information you posted about his charges when he posted.)

I do understand the visitation rights for him as her biological father. I have never been against it, scared yes! Because I know him and the people that surround him. People can change it is possible. But this is my daughter I have raised and provided for her 100% on my own. she lacks for nothing especially love. She is a beautiful girl, honor roll student, church choir, director of choir at her private school and she is only 11. I'm a very proud mother and I don't want her to be troubled by all this mess because of his.

 

[iperez21083]

I agree but will add that mom is in total control until dad actually takes things to court to get court ordered visitation. Therefore until dad does that, mom is free to do whatever she feels is in the best interest of her child.

He has stated before that he wont take me to court. That he will respect when she wants to see him or not. But he said's that now while he is in jail.

 

[adjusterjack]

Wait. I'm doing the math.

Your daughter was born November 2006 (conceived about February 2006).

Her bio(?) father was in prison from August 1995 to May 2008?

That does not compute.

 

[Zigner]

The child is 12, and I suspect made the decision to do that on her own. Its not nearly as big a deal as it would have been had she been considerably younger.

I agree with the first sentence, but not the second. The mother should have made it clear to kiddo that calling him "dad" wasn't proper. They could have come up with some other endearing term.

 

[adjusterjack]

That he will respect when she wants to see him or not.

She's a child. It's not her decision.

 

[iperez21083]

Your daughter should not be calling your new husband "dad". The child needs counseling...really.

She started to call him dad, it was something that happened. And I never told her not to. As I never told her to do it either. She is well aware he is not her biological father but has mentioned to me that she wants him to legally adopt her.