Daughters father about to get out of prison what should I do?

[iperez21083]

Wait. I'm doing the math.

Your daughter was born November 2006 (conceived about February 2006).

Her bio(?) father was in prison from August 1995 to May 2008?

That does not compute.

I totally understand your comment, he didn't do all the time given.

 

[Zigner]

She started to call him dad, it was something that happened. And I never told her not to. As I never told her to do it either. She is well aware he is not her biological father but has mentioned to me that she wants him to legally adopt her.

That was a mistake.

 

[adjusterjack]

The mother should have made it clear to kiddo that calling him "dad" wasn't proper.

I disagree. My step-kids called me Dad from the time they were 8 and 6 and they still saw their bio-father occasionally. Genetics makes a father, hearts make a Dad.

 

[iperez21083]

She's a child. It's not her decision.

I agree she is a child, but if a child is fearful of someone and doesn't want to be around that person I think it might be kind of traumatizing for a child to be forced. Like for example she has no say about going to school or not (only misses when sick which she doesnt even ask to miss when she is she loves school) she cant tell me mom I'm not cleaning my room or washing my cloth or picking up after myself. But is she cries to me and dreads being left along with a stranger even if he is her biological father he is still a stranger to her, she does not know him past a couple letters/emails repeating the same thing.

 

[Zigner]

I disagree. My step-kids called me Dad from the time they were 8 and 6 and they still saw their bio-father occasionally. Genetics makes a father, hearts make a Dad.

Glad that worked out so nicely for you

 

[iperez21083]

That was a mistake.

I understand your opinion on that and I respect it.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with the first sentence, but not the second. The mother should have made it clear to kiddo that calling him "dad" wasn't proper. They could have come up with some other endearing term.

In my eyes there are two things that are a big deal in a child calling another man dad. That is when the children are young enough to be confused by that and to believe that the person in question is their actual father, and then when they have an active father in their lives, and then its disrespectful of the actual parent child relationship.

I do not really have a problem with a child calling a stepfather "dad" when their own parent is absent from their life and its clear that there is no confusion about who is or isn't the child's biological father. This guy has been in jail for nine years and could be in for another year or so yet. I don't have a problem with this child calling her stepfather, dad.

 

[xylene]

I'm really not seeing a case of parental alienation

He has stated before that he wont take me to court. That he will respect when she wants to see him or not. But he said's that now while he is in jail.

Please note: That statement, made while incarcerated or not, does not legally bind him.

 

[iperez21083]

Glad that worked out so nicely for you

I agree with you. I personally don't see anything wrong with it but to each his/her own.

 

[Zigner]

I agree she is a child, but if a child is fearful of someone and doesn't want to be around that person I think it might be kind of traumatizing for a child to be forced. Like for example she has no say about going to school or not (only misses when sick which she doesnt even ask to miss when she is she loves school) she cant tell me mom I'm not cleaning my room or washing my cloth or picking up after myself. But is she cries to me and dreads being left along with a stranger even if he is her biological father he is still a stranger to her, she does not know him past a couple letters/emails repeating the same thing.

That is why the child needs therapy and any visitation (if any) will start small and gradually increase. You will want to take this to court - trying to do it outside of court isn't going to end well.

 

[LdiJ]

Wait. I'm doing the math.

Your daughter was born November 2006 (conceived about February 2006).

Her bio(?) father was in prison from August 1995 to May 2008?

That does not compute.

You are reading that wrong. He went to jail in 1995, served that sentence and got out. He went to jail again in 2009, and is still there now.

 

[iperez21083]

In my eyes there are two things that are a big deal in a child calling another man dad. That is when the children are young enough to be confused by that and to believe that the person in question is their actual father, and then when they have an active father in their lives, and then its disrespectful of the actual parent child relationship.

I do not really have a problem with a child calling a stepfather "dad" when their own parent is absent from their life and its clear that there is no confusion about who is or isn't the child's biological father. This guy has been in jail for nine years and could be in for another year or so yet. I don't have a problem with this child calling her stepfather, dad.

My ex is coming out in 1 year and I am going on two years being married to my husband. My daughter always new about her biological father. He has never been in the picture but she always new of him. I never kept him a secret.

 

[iperez21083]

That is why the child needs therapy and any visitation (if any) will start small and gradually increase. You will want to take this to court - trying to do it outside of court isn't going to end well.

Thank you I agree

 

[iperez21083]

You are reading that wrong. He went to jail in 1995, served that sentence and got out. He went to jail again in 2009, and is still there now.

He was out when she was conceived in ending January beginning Feb and went back in 2009 (he left me when I was 3 almost 4 month pregnant for an ex gf of his that came back into his life got him an apartment new car etc... then they wanted me to have an abortion and I kept her) and continued my life with my daughter.

 

[iperez21083]

You are reading that wrong. He went to jail in 1995, served that sentence and got out. He went to jail again in 2009, and is still there now.

He did serve the sentence time but it was reduced. So he got out earlier. Understand now? I just copied and paste what came out on the corrections website. But he didn't do the whole 12 years.