Daughters father about to get out of prison what should I do?

[Zigner]

The dates he was in jail and whether kiddo calls step-dad "dad" or not are really irrelevant to the question at hand. (Yes, I'm chastising myself, too.)

 

[iperez21083]

The dates he was in jail and whether kiddo calls step-dad "dad" or not are really irrelevant to the question at hand. (Yes, I'm chastising myself, too.)

The dates he was in jail and whether kiddo calls step-dad "dad" or not are really irrelevant to the question at hand. (Yes, I'm chastising myself, too.)

My question really had nothing to do with her calling my husband dad lol but hey I guess it took another turn.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you I agree

I actually do not agree with Zig in your particular scenario. You are in total control right now and will be until something is decided by a judge. I think that you would be better off not taking it to court unless dad does. You do need to get your daughter into counseling ASAP. However, I think you would be better off keeping control of things as long as possible.

 

[iperez21083]

I actually do not agree with Zig in your particular scenario. You are in total control right now and will be until something is decided by a judge. I think that you would be better off not taking it to court unless dad does. You do need to get your daughter into counseling ASAP. However, I think you would be better off keeping control of things as long as possible.

Thats what a lawyer told me to do. To stay put and wait on my ex to take the first step and then go from there.

 

[Zigner]

I actually do not agree with Zig in your particular scenario. You are in total control right now and will be until something is decided by a judge. I think that you would be better off not taking it to court unless dad does. You do need to get your daughter into counseling ASAP. However, I think you would be better off keeping control of things as long as possible.

That's a fair enough position to take.

 

[t74]

I guess I am stunned that you are having an issue with dad at this time since his first convictions and prison time were before she was conceived. I am stunned that you would have associated with someone with his record unless you were having issues at the time.

I realize people get smarter with age. You apparently did. You need to assume he did as well until shown otherwise. Be vigilant, but some people would view you as having been a danger to her with your poor choice of partner.

 

[Ohiogal]

She started to call him dad, it was something that happened. And I never told her not to. As I never told her to do it either. She is well aware he is not her biological father but has mentioned to me that she wants him to legally adopt her.

You should have told her not to call him dad. And your husband cannot adopt her with her father's permission.

 

[iperez21083]

You should have told her not to call him dad. And your husband cannot adopt her with her father's permission.

I know adoption cannot be done with out biological fathers permission or until she is 18 and can decide for her self and make a request as an adult. she does express she wishes it could be done but knows it cant

 

[iperez21083]

I guess I am stunned that you are having an issue with dad at this time since his first convictions and prison time were before she was conceived. I am stunned that you would have associated with someone with his record unless you were having issues at the time.

I realize people get smarter with age. You apparently did. You need to assume he did as well until shown otherwise. Be vigilant, but some people would view you as having been a danger to her with your poor choice of partner.

I agree. Dating him was not a smart choice on my part. I met him through a cousin of mine. We started dating and I got pregnant, we made many plans and were both excited/happy when we found out I was pregnant but 4 months later I guess he changed his mind and decided he didn't want to live the life I wanted. And he continued his crazy life which ended him back in jail. I knew he had been in jail but it wasn't until later that I found out how serious things were in reality. But I was pregnant already so what was I going to do? Have an abortion, no way if I was grown enough to have unprotected sex then I was grown enough to step up to my responsibilities. So, I continued my life right where I left off only difference at that time was that I was now pregnant so I went on raising my daughter, working and going to school. I got my project management certification, got an even better Job to support myself and daughter, I've always had my own place 2 rooms always, never lived off welfare and have my child in private school with honors. So hey yes I fell for the wrong guy at a young age. But that doesn't make me a bad person nor does it put my daughter in danger. He was my only bad choice in my life. My husband now is a good Christian man comes from a happy home of generations of pastors he himself following the same path his father and grandfathers, he is responsible has a good Job, helps around the house financially and doing what needs to be done. Helps cook, clean, wash cloth, pay bills, help my daughter with sports (she's in soft ball he trains her) and helps her in home work and to study. So I would say this time around I made a better choice then I did almost 13 years ago.

 

[t74]

I am glad your life is going well. Dad may also have grown during his time to think. He deserves a chance to prove it one way or another.

And ... for allowing your new husband to be called "Dad" and thus holding himself out to people who do not know the history as her father was something his family of pastors should have told him was inappropriate. Since that was apparently not done, I would question their judgment on other issues since this is a big no-no.

 

[LdiJ]

I am glad your life is going well. Dad may also have grown during his time to think. He deserves a chance to prove it one way or another.

And ... for allowing your new husband to be called "Dad" and thus holding himself out to people who do not know the history as her father was something his family of pastors should have told him was inappropriate. Since that was apparently not done, I would question their judgment on other issues since this is a big no-no.

Some, maybe most of us would disagree with you on the bolded. The child's father was in prison and therefore not available to be "dad". As long as the child was never lied to about who her biological father was there is no reason why she couldn't have a father figure in her life that she called "dad".

 

[t74]

We'll agree to disagree. No matter where her real dad is/was he alone deserves the title. The fact that mom picked a new man for herself should not supplant the original relationship of the child.

 

[stealth2]

Has paternity been established?

Thank you, I just married (2years in Feb) my daughter calls her stepdad "Dad" - She has also expressed concerns about her biological father ruining my marriage "Her happy family" <<her words exactly , She even wrote her biological father telling him to remember that I was married and she does not want him starting things when he gets out with her stepdad and me. uuufff honestly I think I am now paying for wrong choices in my youth :-( and my poor baby if paying for it.

WHAT? Why are you allowing a 12yo do this?