dealing with a best friend surrogate

[wvgirl112]

I really just need advice on this situation. So a friend of mine is willing to carry my baby for me, the problem is that im transgendered so im just being the donor too, should i have her sign a contract of some sort?...and when the baby is born can i be on the birth certificate as the mother?...also lets say she wants to up and leave with my baby, i dont want to get stuck paying child support what can i do to keep the baby with me? Really i want to have all rights as if i had birthed the child myself.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[CSO286]

I really just need advice on this situation. So a friend of mine is willing to carry my baby for me, the problem is that im transgendered so im just being the donor too, should i have her sign a contract of some sort?...and when the baby is born can i be on the birth certificate as the mother?...also lets say she wants to up and leave with my baby, i dont want to get stuck paying child support what can i do to keep the baby with me? Really i want to have all rights as if i had birthed the child myself.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

First off--What state are you in????


Don't do it this way, then.

If you and your friend have this child together, you will not be the child's parent unless and until you establish paternity.

You will not be able to be on the BC as the mother, because you did not give birth to the child. Once the paternity is established, then you will have the right to petition for cusotdy/parenting time. Best case scenario, the woman who delivered the baby walks out of your life and doesn't return.

But, honestly, she could serve you with child support papers and you could end up in the midst of a Very Scary Nasty Custody Battle.


ETA: I don't mean to sound harsh, but the law hasn't caught up to what is happening in LGBT community.

 

[wvgirl112]

I live in WV, and yeah thats what im really scared of, dealing with a custody issue

 

[wvgirl112]

honestly is there no way we can make a written agreement with guidelines...so ill have custody either way...i know she says she wants to help me but i just want to ensure im protected no matter what too

 

[CSO286]

I live in WV, and yeah thats what im really scared of, dealing with a custody issue

And that is exactly where you could be.

 

[CSO286]

honestly is there no way we can make a written agreement with guidelines...so ill have custody either way...i know she says she wants to help me but i just want to ensure im protected no matter what too

I'm not sure if a parent can simply terminate parental rights in WV voluntarily, or if another party has to be there willing and able to adopt. States like it best when kids have two legal parents.

There is no form (outside of that one very slim possilbility) that can filled out and thereby give you all and every right to this child.

So...the boat you are in if you have this child includes the possibility that the woman who gives birth changes her mind and decides to file for child support and restrict your access to the child. And worse, while pregnant, could move accross the country and you would have no legal recourse to demand she return. You would have to estblish paternity and file for a long distance parenting plan.

I know this is hard to swallow, but I probably haven't come up with even 25% of the risks you may be facing.

 

[wvgirl112]

yeah, well i knew i was getting into alot when i started this, but another friend recommended that i talk to a lawyer so im out for legal advice..i might just go into our local circuit court office and inquire about papers like that...they might know too

 

[Zigner]

yeah, well i knew i was getting into alot when i started this, but another friend recommended that i talk to a lawyer so im out for legal advice..i might just go into our local circuit court office and inquire about papers like that...they might know too

Don't waste your time - the folks at the courthouse are not allowed to give legal advice. I would research advocacy groups for surrogate parenting and explore their discussion forums. They will probably be able to give you a good idea of the type of attorney you will want to talk to. Heck, you might even get a referral there.

 

[wvgirl112]

Don't waste your time - the folks at the courthouse are not allowed to give legal advice. I would research advocacy groups for surrogate parenting and explore their discussion forums. They will probably be able to give you a good idea of the type of attorney you will want to talk to. Heck, you might even get a referral there.

thank you, i will have to try there next

 

[nextwife]

I not only very strongly recommend an experienced attorney who specializes in reproductive technologies, but also the use of donor egg and IVF so that surrogate is NOT the biological parent of the child she is carrying.

It is best that one's surrogate cannot claim any bioparentage.