Desperate! Sibling rights after a death?

[mimichrissie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

My deceased son was the custodial parent of 2 children, 14 and 9.
The mother of the 14 year old signed custody to us. The mother of the 9 year old is being very difficult. We were allowed to see the 9year old every other weekend and whenever mom needed a sitter. The children were both complaining they wanted to spend more time together. As soon as I asked if we could work something out, it hit the fan!

They've not seen or spoken to each other in over a month...their father just passed less than 3 months ago. I am sure she is alienating the 9 year old against his brother and us. We have the previous GAL report that documents her manipulativeness, history of false accusations (as far back as a previous ex husband), physical and mental abuse. She has explosive anger issues. The child has physical complaints and doesn't receive a doctor's care. He told his mother he thought he was going to die because he was depressed, she won't take him for counseling because he's only "sad". When he is at our house he doesn't want to go home. His behavior has drastically changed. He clings to us, wants held or an arm around him all the time.

These children have not only lost their father, but their sibling. No greiving family should have to go through this. Their were times in this childs life I had the child more than this mother. I have to believe it's "in the best interest of the children" to maintain their relationship.

Do the children have any rights tospend time with each other? Do we have any chance at all of more visitation or custody? Our attorney is painting a bleak picture. I have requested a GAL, but my attorney wants to try to negotiate before we file anything.

Does anyone have an experiance in this? Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Zigner]

I think you should listen to your attorney. Nobody here can second-guess the professional that you have retained.

 

[Proserpina]

Your attorney is trying to be realistic.

GPV suits are incredibly difficult to win, and if you lose you'll pretty much have guaranteed that you'll never see the child again.

The best you can do at this point is play nice with Mom.

No matter what her prior relationship with Dad was like, she will still be grieving the loss of the father of her child and so will kiddo - he's 9, he lost his Dad so of course he's going to be miserable and depressed. That's a normal - and frankly essential - part of grieving.

Give her some time. 3 months is nothing.

 

[Isis1]

What has mom said about the two siblings visiting? Is mom agreeable to allowing the older sibling to come into her home for visits? What did she say when you proposed that to her?

 

[mimichrissie]

She said they would have him over, but it has not happened. Now, I would have to really think before I could allow him to go. She abused him, physically and mentally. she doesn't like this child, and he doesn't like her. With her high-drama and history of false accusations I think something bad would happen for the 14 year old. I've tried to play nice. A week into it she yelled at me for being to sad, 3 weeks later she yelled at me for being too happy. I've taken the child everytime she has asked. She has told me we couldn't have him and I've smiled and been ok with it. I never know what I am going to get with her. It feels like walking in a minefield. Oh, and she is not mourning the father. She has spoken ill about him to me since his death...no, not mourning him at all.

 

[Zigner]

<tap tap tap> Is this thing on?

I think you should listen to your attorney. Nobody here can second-guess the professional that you have retained.

 

[Proserpina]

She said they would have him over, but it has not happened. Now, I would have to really think before I could allow him to go. She abused him, physically and mentally. she doesn't like this child, and he doesn't like her. With her high-drama and history of false accusations I think something bad would happen for the 14 year old. I've tried to play nice. A week into it she yelled at me for being to sad, 3 weeks later she yelled at me for being too happy. I've taken the child everytime she has asked. She has told me we couldn't have him and I've smiled and been ok with it. I never know what I am going to get with her. It feels like walking in a minefield. Oh, and she is not mourning the father. She has spoken ill about him to me since his death...no, not mourning him at all.

Sorry - but you have NO idea what she's feeling privately; if anything what you've said here suggests that she IS grieving somewhat.

Either way that doesn't change the bottom line.

Listen to your attorney and hope that Mom agrees to some sort of visitation schedule.

Custody is virtually guaranteed not to happen.

 

[mimichrissie]

I'm not trying to be difficult...really maybe I'm just dumb. Can someone explain to me why the courts do not place any value of sibling relationshiops? I think that is one of the strongest bonds we have after parents. I see the pain these children are in. They've suffered enoughwith losing their father. I don't understand....

 

[Isis1]

I'm not trying to be difficult...really maybe I'm just dumb. Can someone explain to me why the courts do not place any value of sibling relationshiops? I think that is one of the strongest bonds we have after parents. I see the pain these children are in. They've suffered enoughwith losing their father. I don't understand....

Because sibling rights, grandparent rights DO NOT SUPERCEDE the parental rights.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not trying to be difficult...really maybe I'm just dumb. Can someone explain to me why the courts do not place any value of sibling relationshiops? I think that is one of the strongest bonds we have after parents. I see the pain these children are in. They've suffered enoughwith losing their father. I don't understand....

They are half-siblings, yes?

What has your attorney explained to you when you asked the question?

 

[>Charlotte<]

...Can someone explain to me why the courts do not place any value of sibling relationshiops? I think that is one of the strongest bonds we have after parents...

You said it yourself--parents supersede siblings.

Courts do value sibling relationships. But they place a higher value on the rights of a parent. As long as the mother isn't doing anything illegal, a court is not going to tell her how to be a parent or make decisions for her as to who may or may not have a relationship with her child.

 

[mimichrissie]

They are half brothers but have been raised by the custodial father together for the past 9 years...now they are torn apart.

My attorney tap danced around that question. We talk again next week.

Again, not trying to be difficult, and I admit to probably being stupid, but all the talk about "What's best for the child" seems like a load of crap if that child is in pain because they've lost their sibling too for no good reason. I know this is the law, but is it right for the children involved?

 

[Proserpina]

They are half brothers but have been raised by the custodial father together for the past 9 years...now they are torn apart.

My attorney tap danced around that question. We talk again next week.

Again, not trying to be difficult, and I admit to probably being stupid, but all the talk about "What's best for the child" seems like a load of crap if that child is in pain because they've lost their sibling too for no good reason. I know this is the law, but is it right for the children involved?

Insist on getting answers from your attorney.

I can't help but wonder though, since Dad WAS the CP to BOTH children and raised them as siblings their entire lives....that there may a case for sibling visitation.

However before I go any further, I'm going to send this thread to an Ohio family attorney who is also a GAL.

 

[Ohiogal]

Was mom of the other child and dad married?

 

[mimichrissie]

Dad was never married to mom #1. He had custody of that child (the 14 year old) since he was 3.