Desperate! Sibling rights after a death?

[Banned_Princess]

Dad was never married to mom #1. He had custody of that child (the 14 year old) since he was 3.

How about the other mom? (duh)

 

[mimichrissie]

mom #2 and dad were married. They divorced after 2 years. She originally was custodial parent, after 8/9 months she then remarried and moved 60 miles away. He filed for custody, she started throwing out false allegations. GAL disproved everything. Dad got custody.

 

[Isis1]

So dad got custody based on mom moving away. That says nothing to benefit your goal.

 

[Proserpina]

I think a timeline would be helpful.

OP, please tell us when Mom & Dad got divorced, how old was kiddo when they divorced (I would rather not assume that kiddo was born in wedlock) and from when Dad had physical custody.

Also, was Mom a regular part of kiddo's life during the entire time?

 

[mimichrissie]

Dad got custody for several reasons. Mom moved away. Mom made accusations of sexual abuse, withheld visitation, manipulated child etc. Children's Services were called in. GAL ordered child taken to Children's Hospital clinic specializing in Sexual abuse. Everything was unfounded. NO evidence what so ever. Case worker from children's services testified for dad in custody hearing. Mom's first husband comes forward, Mom had accused him of sexual abuse of her older child during their divorce. Everything she had done to her first husband, she did to my son. Mom has a history of physical and verbal abuse. She has hit and pinched (really) myself and my younger son. GAL indicates she should be in counseling. fyi...not making judgement here....she has since divorced and is remarried to #4.
I'm working on a timeline. You're right, I should have thought of that.

 

[CJane]

Mom's first husband comes forward, Mom had accused him of sexual abuse of her older child during their divorce.

Does child #2 have a relationship with the child from Mom's first marriage?

 

[mimichrissie]

Timeline married 7/99 Child born 4/01 divorced 2/04
They physically seperated in 2003. They had a shared parenting plan, 1 week on, 1 week off. Mom was charged with domestic violence 11/03, charges droped. Mom remarried summer of 2004. Dad filed for custody fall 2004. Mom accuses sexual abuse 1/12/05, is granted ex parte order 1/14/05. Order lifted 2/16/05. During this time is the only time Dad and child do not have contact. Mom had 3 counts of contempt after this for not following parenting plan. Dad is awarded custody 4/05. During the school year mom gets him every other weekend and 1 evening a week. The reverse is true in the summer. This goes on for about a year. During this time the child always sees his mom, but my husband and I are the support system. Dad works nights frequently, so we keep the children overnight (they have their own room), feed them, dress them, take them to school or day care.

Late 2006/early 2007 Mom then is divorced from husband #3, moves back to area. Husband and I are still support system, but Dad and Mom are working better together. Eventually...2008 Dad and Mom (without a court order) revert back to 1 week on, 1 week off. That is what they were doing when my son died.

The mother's 16 year old lives with her, so yes, the 9 year old has a relationship with him. On another note, these boys sleep together in a twin bed. Their house is small, they don't have room for a bed for the 9 year old.

 

[CJane]

So Dad apparently believed that Mom was a fit enough parent - in spite of her history with him - to "let" her have a week on/week off schedule without a court order.

And yet you believe you should have custody of this child?

Your best hope - seriously - is to work something out with Mom that allows the children to spend time together on an informal basis. And you need to leave yourself out of it as much as possible.

 

[mimichrissie]

My goal isn't about getting custody..I've not filed for anything, and don't know what I should if/when it comes to that. I've done everything possible to work with her. I have genuinely only treated her with respect, I've done everything she has asked me to do or not to do. She screams at me for things she. She is accusing my family of things that I know have not happened. She has told the 9 year old untruthful things about his father, brother, and us. I have asked her to discuss these issues several times. If you don't want to believe me you don't have to, but I have done everything I know how to do as a mature adult.


MY BIGGEST CONCERN is the care of this little boy and preserving the relationship these children had prior to their fathers death. At this point these children are greiving not only their father, but the loss of a sibling as well.

The mother will not take him to counseling even though he thinks he's going to die. She will not take him to the doctor even though he is having abdominal issues that cause much pain and cause him to miss school. Once again, I know she has the right to raise her child as she wants. Is it the best for the child??

 

[Proserpina]

My goal isn't about getting custody..I've not filed for anything, and don't know what I should if/when it comes to that. I've done everything possible to work with her. I have genuinely only treated her with respect, I've done everything she has asked me to do or not to do. She screams at me for things she. She is accusing my family of things that I know have not happened. She has told the 9 year old untruthful things about his father, brother, and us. I have asked her to discuss these issues several times. If you don't want to believe me you don't have to, but I have done everything I know how to do as a mature adult.


MY BIGGEST CONCERN is the care of this little boy and preserving the relationship these children had prior to their fathers death. At this point these children are greiving not only their father, but the loss of a sibling as well.

The mother will not take him to counseling even though he thinks he's going to die. She will not take him to the doctor even though he is having abdominal issues that cause much pain and cause him to miss school. Once again, I know she has the right to raise her child as she wants. Is it the best for the child??

So Dad and Mom have had, for the past two years, a 50-50 timeshare? That is not the same as Dad having physical custody (even if he does on paper). This does not bode well for you.

You really have two options here.

1. If you think that Mom is neglecting him, contact the appropriate authorities. But you had better be sure, and you'd better have solid proof. Because if you're wrong - and I think there's a good chance of that - you will never see him again. Bear in mind that the symptoms you describe - the fear of death, the abdominal pain - can be very normal reactions to grief.

2. Listen to your attorney and try to mediate.

I honestly don't think you have any other option. You can go back and forth about what you think is best for the child, but that's really not going to change anything.

Mom has rights far superior to those of you or any other third party - even a half-sibling.

 

[LdiJ]

My goal isn't about getting custody..I've not filed for anything, and don't know what I should if/when it comes to that. I've done everything possible to work with her. I have genuinely only treated her with respect, I've done everything she has asked me to do or not to do. She screams at me for things she. She is accusing my family of things that I know have not happened. She has told the 9 year old untruthful things about his father, brother, and us. I have asked her to discuss these issues several times. If you don't want to believe me you don't have to, but I have done everything I know how to do as a mature adult.


MY BIGGEST CONCERN is the care of this little boy and preserving the relationship these children had prior to their fathers death. At this point these children are greiving not only their father, but the loss of a sibling as well.

The mother will not take him to counseling even though he thinks he's going to die. She will not take him to the doctor even though he is having abdominal issues that cause much pain and cause him to miss school. Once again, I know she has the right to raise her child as she wants. Is it the best for the child??

I think that your mistake is in wanting a set schedule. I think that if you had never broached that issue with mom that you would probably be spending at least some time with the child.

Even the very best parent in the world does not want to have to deal with a set schedule with a third party (grandparent, sibling whoever). They don't want their lives scheduled...particularly after having had to deal with a schedule with the other parent.

If your attorney has had any contact with mom at all, you have now stepped up the hostility by trying to make legal claims regarding her child. Parents react VERY badly to that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Look at these statutes:

3109.11. Companionship or visitation rights for parents or other relatives of deceased mother or father


If either the father or mother of an unmarried minor child is deceased, the court of common pleas of the county in which the minor child resides may grant the parents and other relatives of the deceased father or mother reasonable companionship or visitation rights with respect to the minor child during the child's minority if the parent or other relative files a complaint requesting reasonable companionship or visitation rights and if the court determines that the granting of the companionship or visitation rights is in the best interest of the minor child. In determining whether to grant any person reasonable companionship or visitation rights with respect to any child, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to, the factors set forth in division (D) of section 3109.051 of the Revised Code. Divisions (C), (K), and (L) of section 3109.051 of the Revised Code apply to the determination of reasonable companionship or visitation rights under this section and to any order granting any such rights that is issued under this section.

The remarriage of the surviving parent of the child or the adoption of the child by the spouse of the surviving parent of the child does not affect the authority of the court under this section to grant reasonable companionship or visitation rights with respect to the child to a parent or other relative of the child's deceased father or mother.

If the court denies a request for reasonable companionship or visitation rights made pursuant to this section and the complainant files a written request for findings of fact and conclusions of law, the court shall state in writing its findings of fact and conclusions of law in accordance with Civil Rule 52.

Except as provided in division (E)(6) of section 3113.31 of the Revised Code, if the court, pursuant to this section, grants any person companionship or visitation rights with respect to any child, it shall not require the public children services agency to provide supervision of or other services related to that person's exercise of companionship or visitation rights with respect to the child. This section does not limit the power of a juvenile court pursuant to Chapter 2151. of the Revised Code to issue orders with respect to children who are alleged to be abused, neglected, or dependent children or to make dispositions of children who are adjudicated abused, neglected, or dependent children or of a common pleas court to issue orders pursuant to section 3113.31 of the Revised Code.

History. Effective Date: 03-22-2001

AND:

§ 3109.12. Mother unmarried - parenting time, companionship or visitation rights


(A) If a child is born to an unmarried woman, the parents of the woman and any relative of the woman may file a complaint requesting the court of common pleas of the county in which the child resides to grant them reasonable companionship or visitation rights with the child. If a child is born to an unmarried woman and if the father of the child has acknowledged the child and that acknowledgment has become final pursuant to section 2151.232, 3111.25, or 3111.821 of the Revised Code or has been determined in an action under Chapter 3111. of the Revised Code to be the father of the child, the father may file a complaint requesting that the court of appropriate jurisdiction of the county in which the child resides grant him reasonable parenting time rights with the child and the parents of the father and any relative of the father may file a complaint requesting that the court grant them reasonable companionship or visitation rights with the child.

(B) The court may grant the parenting time rights or companionship or visitation rights requested under division (A) of this section, if it determines that the granting of the parenting time rights or companionship or visitation rights is in the best interest of the child. In determining whether to grant reasonable parenting time rights or reasonable companionship or visitation rights with respect to any child, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to, the factors set forth in division (D) of section 3109.051 of the Revised Code. Divisions (C), (K), and (L) of section 3109.051 of the Revised Code apply to the determination of reasonable parenting time rights or reasonable companionship or visitation rights under this section and to any order granting any such rights that is issued under this section.

The marriage or remarriage of the mother or father of a child does not affect the authority of the court under this section to grant the natural father reasonable parenting time rights or the parents or relatives of the natural father or the parents or relatives of the mother of the child reasonable companionship or visitation rights with respect to the child.

If the court denies a request for reasonable parenting time rights or reasonable companionship or visitation rights made pursuant to division (A) of this section and the complainant files a written request for findings of fact and conclusions of law, the court shall state in writing its findings of fact and conclusions of law in accordance with Civil Rule 52.

Except as provided in division (E)(6) of section 3113.31 of the Revised Code, if the court, pursuant to this section, grants parenting time rights or companionship or visitation rights with respect to any child, it shall not require the public children services agency to provide supervision of or other services related to that parent's exercise of parenting time rights with the child or that person's exercise of companionship or visitation rights with the child. This section does not limit the power of a juvenile court pursuant to Chapter 2151. of the Revised Code to issue orders with respect to children who are alleged to be abused, neglected, or dependent children or to make dispositions of children who are adjudicated abused, neglected, or dependent children or of a common pleas court to issue orders pursuant to section 3113.31 of the Revised Code.

History. Effective Date: 03-22-2001

There is not a slam dunk but it gives statutory foundation to a suit for sibling visitation.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think that your mistake is in wanting a set schedule. I think that if you had never broached that issue with mom that you would probably be spending at least some time with the child.

Even the very best parent in the world does not want to have to deal with a set schedule with a third party (grandparent, sibling whoever). They don't want their lives scheduled...particularly after having had to deal with a schedule with the other parent.

If your attorney has had any contact with mom at all, you have now stepped up the hostility by trying to make legal claims regarding her child. Parents react VERY badly to that.

The law in Ohio allows for sibling visitation -- especially when dad is deceased.

 

[LdiJ]

The law in Ohio allows for sibling visitation -- especially when dad is deceased.

I do realize that. I was speaking from a psychological level...a parent's reaction to what grandma wanted.

Grandma's attorney is not being encouraging.