desperatley need help

[pr23dam]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

I was married on Feb 13 2004. My husband and I are both somewhat young- he is 19 and I am 22. We have one son together born on 8/8/03 and we have another child on the way. The thing is myself and my son have lived with and been supported by my parents. My husband wants to be a 19 year old. He does not want me to get a job or anything. He is very controlling. He stays out until 3 and 4 doing god knows what and I am tired of it. I want to be able to give my children a good life, I do not know if I can do this with him. How can I get out of this marriage. Oh yeah I guess I copuld mention the fact that he used to hit but has not done so in about three months, although everyday I get cussed out call a bitch, fat ass, lazy dumbass, and the list goes on. I feel like everything would go away if I would just die, but I love my little boy to much. Please help, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much
P

 

[imwoodstock]

From your post, I think you've already come to the conclusion as to what needs to happen. It sounds like a divorce is in the offing. You need to document, document, document everything that he says or does to you and make sure that you are not alone around him so that he can't hurt you and so that others can be witnesses for his behavior...sounds like your husband is abusive, emotionally as well as physically. That will not change unless he gets help and wants to change. You cannot typically negotiate this with him.

Tell your family what has been going on if you haven't already done so. If necessary, get a restraining order and do whatever you need to in order to protect yourself and your children.

Good luck with this.

 

[TSC-tx]

Get out NOW!!!

First off, document everything. If he verbally or physically abuses you in front of witnesses. Get notorized affidavits from them about what occured. Get a lawyer and get out. If he physically abuses you or the kids take photos and have him arrested. Most people won't have the father of their children arrested but you must. Get a divorce and quick. Get all the witnesses you can and get custody with supervised visitations. Now if you want to do something with your life go to school. Do whats right for you and the kiddos. Look at the local workforce office and ask about WIA Workforce Investment Act. It's a program that can help pay for your education if you meet certain requirements. If your parents will help great. If not get a job. If all else fails there is government help. Food stamps, TANF, housing. There is no shame in getting a helping hand when you need it (i'm a social worker I know what I'm talking about). These programs can help you get a helping hand while you are trying to make something of yourself. Apply for financial aid for school, grants. Go to the library and research grants from around the country. There are millions out there! Most importantly you need to get a divorce. He's abusing you and controlling you. He's 22 and you're 19 it will only get worse. Do not be afraid to ask for help. If you are scared of him, get a restraining order. If he violates you can have him arrested. Remember DOCUMENT< DOCUMENT<DOCUMENT. Good Luck!!!

 

[maray11]

I was in the same situation with my first husband. He was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive--it got worse over the years. It took me 15 years to get my act together and I left him. My kids suffered because I was under the misconception that kids needed both parents even though one of them was psycho. My Mother wouldn't help because I married so you--she basically said" You made your bed--now you have to lay in it!!" How's that for support? It came to me one day as I was eating dinner with the kids--he was no where to be found. I planned our escape, it took me 5 months of saving and planning but it was enough to get me the hell out of there. 15 years and $25,000 in lawyer bills later, I am in a better place as are my kids.
I didn't have to wait the 5 months, but I thought I had to do this without help--later, my friends and my lawyer told me that there is help out there for people in your situation. If family won't help you, call a shelter--that is the first step to getting out and on with your life.
These situations never get better. Other than my beautiful kids, I wasted 15 years of my life. I wish you happiness andwill pray for you and your kids--Good luck