Disabled child and CS

[aprilsmom]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

My husband and I just separated, we have a 2yr son who is severely disabled. Ever since his birth my husband has denied him, says no way he was the father of a freak. Needless to say our marriage has drastically gone down hill.
Someone told me that he would have to pay child support for life, is this true? And I don't think he is going to ask for visitation, but if he does, can I ask for supervised because of my son's health problems? I also have a 5yr daughter from previous marriage(he is deceased), my husband seems to think he has rights to her, and wants visitation, do I have to allow that?
Thanks

 

[stealth2]

It is extremely likely, if the child is disabled to the extent that he will not be self-supporting, that the father will be required to help support him for the rest of his days.

If he is not the father (nor has he adopted) your daughter - he has no visitation rights. He could, I suppose, file for them if he has acted as the father. But his chances would be slim.

Best wishes to you and your children. I have no doubt that dealing with your son's disabilities is difficult for you, but I also have no doubt that you are able to find the joy that he brings you. God bless.

 

[aprilsmom]

It is extremely likely, if the child is disabled to the extent that he will not be self-supporting, that the father will be required to help support him for the rest of his days.

If he is not the father (nor has he adopted) your daughter - he has no visitation rights. He could, I suppose, file for them if he has acted as the father. But his chances would be slim.

Best wishes to you and your children. I have no doubt that dealing with your son's disabilities is difficult for you, but I also have no doubt that you are able to find the joy that he brings you. God bless.

He's the only father my daughter has known, and she loves him dearly, and he's good to her, but he makes fun of her brother to her and it breaks my heart. No he hasn't adopted her, she gets death benefits from SS on her bio father. After the divorce I want to move closer to the hospital where I have to take my son for treatments, right now it's 2 1/2 hr drive twice a week. My husband says he can stop me from moving. I dont know this is all confusing, I have an appt with an attorney friday, maybe he will set my mind at ease.
Thanks for your reply

 

[stealth2]

Best of luck Friday. I'm in court myself early friday morning, so if you can spare a good thought, it would be appreciated

 

[jez51]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

My husband and I just separated, we have a 2yr son who is severely disabled. Ever since his birth my husband has denied him, says no way he was the father of a freak. Needless to say our marriage has drastically gone down hill.
Someone told me that he would have to pay child support for life, is this true? And I don't think he is going to ask for visitation, but if he does, can I ask for supervised because of my son's health problems? I also have a 5yr daughter from previous marriage(he is deceased), my husband seems to think he has rights to her, and wants visitation, do I have to allow that?
Thanks

I know this isn't much consolation, but a lot of parents especially fathers react the way your husband is doing. For some it's an ego thing for others it's a feeling of helplessness because they can't fix it. On the child support, it's just a matter of having medical documentation that your son's disability will prevent him from ever being independent. Like it or not Dad is going to have to pay CS for a long time. It's too bad he can't be there for you emotionally. Which county are you in? I might be able to hook you up with some support in your area.

 

[aprilsmom]

Re: Re: Disabled child and CS

I know this isn't much consolation, but a lot of parents especially fathers react the way your husband is doing. For some it's an ego thing for others it's a feeling of helplessness because they can't fix it. On the child support, it's just a matter of having medical documentation that your son's disability will prevent him from ever being independent. Like it or not Dad is going to have to pay CS for a long time. It's too bad he can't be there for you emotionally. Which county are you in? I might be able to hook you up with some support in your area.

Jez51
I just noticed we are both in OK, I'm in Comanche County, but plan on moving to the city as soon as I can, I have to take my son to childrens a lot, the hospital here has had to medivac him a few times, so I think it would be better if I move closer to his doctors. I'm seeing an attorney tomorrow, my main problem now is my soon to be ex wants me out of the house now, I have asked him to stay elsewhere till I can make other arrangements, he has places to go, I don't, especially with all my son's equipment. He is more than welcome to this house after I'm gone. I'm not even asking for my part of the equity, I just want to be done with this mess. So what kind of support are you talking about?

 

[ktarra617]

if your son can be proven to be disabled that he will never be self sufficient then it is likely that your ex will pay child support for the life of your son. It is also likely that he will be ordered to help make arrangements for your son for after the deaths of you and your ex.

As for your daughter he legally has no rights to her. Its going to be up to you whether or not he continues to see her. As for your son it will be up to what you two can agree to or what the court stipulates as to visitation.

As to moving, normally I am not in favor of move aways, but in this instance it is definetly in the best interest of the child to be closer to his hospital and drs. Your ex husband will have a hard time fighting that one.

Make sure you provide documentation of everything to your lawyers for the court to review.

Good luck!!

 

[coosi]

If your son is disabled then he can collect SSI if you are within allowable income limits.

If you have medical reasons for a move, the judge would probably order it allowed. Easier for the NCP to make the trip for a visit than the disabled child making the twice weekly trip IMO.

 

[Bruno6301]

Hi there..

Hi, My husband and I have an 8 year old son with CP. (He is my stepson) Anyway, we have to support him if he cannot function enough to support himself. As I understand it, and I may be wrong...but I think as Jess gets older, we have to continue support, although he will get SSI, we still have to provide for him to a certain extent. We have a long way to go, ha ha, before he is 18, but we are prepared to make sure he always has what he needs, irregardless of his age.

I think if he is able to support himself, we still have to help out. I think if he cannot, then the state of NJ helps with funds, AND my husband has to still pay support to an extent. Maybe IAAL can anwser this better, but I hope I at least helped.

Take care, and God Bless you and your Child...

PS If you don't mind me asking, what type of disability does your child have?

 

[aprilsmom]

if your son can be proven to be disabled that he will never be self sufficient then it is likely that your ex will pay child support for the life of your son. It is also likely that he will be ordered to help make arrangements for your son for after the deaths of you and your ex.

As for your daughter he legally has no rights to her. Its going to be up to you whether or not he continues to see her. As for your son it will be up to what you two can agree to or what the court stipulates as to visitation.

As to moving, normally I am not in favor of move aways, but in this instance it is definetly in the best interest of the child to be closer to his hospital and drs. Your ex husband will have a hard time fighting that one.

Make sure you provide documentation of everything to your lawyers for the court to review.


Good luck!!

I have all of his evaluations gathered up, which pretty much details his disabilities and long term diagnosis, plus his plan of care. As for my ex seeing my daughter, I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as he would refrain from saying horrible things about her brother to her, it really upsets her, and she loves this man dearly, I don't understand why he can't see how bad he's hurting her, because I know he loves her to, she's always had him wrapped around her little finger. Also I'm not moving to make things difficult for him, it's just a matter of I really have no choice.
If the judge decides to give him visitation, then I will do what I'm supposed to do.
Thanks, I do need a lot of luck!

 

[aprilsmom]

If your son is disabled then he can collect SSI if you are within allowable income limits.

If you have medical reasons for a move, the judge would probably order it allowed. Easier for the NCP to make the trip for a visit than the disabled child making the twice weekly trip IMO.

That is what I have been meaning to ask! My son does receive SSI, my husband says because of this he won't have to pay child support, because he can't collect both. Is that true?

 

[aprilsmom]

Re: Hi there..

Hi, My husband and I have an 8 year old son with CP. (He is my stepson) Anyway, we have to support him if he cannot function enough to support himself. As I understand it, and I may be wrong...but I think as Jess gets older, we have to continue support, although he will get SSI, we still have to provide for him to a certain extent. We have a long way to go, ha ha, before he is 18, but we are prepared to make sure he always has what he needs, irregardless of his age.

I think if he is able to support himself, we still have to help out. I think if he cannot, then the state of NJ helps with funds, AND my husband has to still pay support to an extent. Maybe IAAL can anwser this better, but I hope I at least helped.

Take care, and God Bless you and your Child...

PS If you don't mind me asking, what type of disability does your child have?

My little boy also has CP, he has a lot of respitory problems and is oxygen dependent, the worst of his problems is uncontrollable seizures. And thank you for answering, it helps to know someone out there understands what I'm going through,

 

[aprilsmom]

Best of luck Friday. I'm in court myself early friday morning, so if you can spare a good thought, it would be appreciated

Good luck to you tomorrow, hopefully we'll both come back with good news to share!

 

[ktarra617]

just so you know, i dont think you are moving to make it difficult for him. the child is disabled, he needs to be closer to his hospital and drs for his safety.

I cant believe dad would be willing to go into court and tell the judge he wants the court to keep you from moving your son closer to his drs. How selfish. I would just about bet the judge is going to be asking him what he is thinking?

He doesn't want anything to do with the child but he wants to tell you that you can't move him closer to his drs? How screwed up is that?

Good Luck to you!

 

[jez51]

That is what I have been meaning to ask! My son does receive SSI, my husband says because of this he won't have to pay child support, because he can't collect both. Is that true?

No it's not true, but SSI will base their amount on the child support, so whatever he's drawing now will probably go down when you report the amount of child support to them.