discovered wife is involved with another man

[smorr]

I've only skimmed through many of these replies to you, Rake. It seems to me that the best thing to do is to file for a divorce and seek custody of the children. The petition for divorce should state that you are filing for adultery. You can show your evidence in court, but depending who you present it to will depend on the outcome and how it all flies. You obviously don't want this person around you after what she's done. I don't blame you one bit (and I'm a woman). I don't think it matters what gender you are, adultery is adultery, simple as that.

Things you really need to keep in mind while you're planning a divorce (if that's your aim). How the kids will react to all this commotion - and believe me it will upset the kids or at least one of them. One may go against you, one may not, they both may hate you, they both may be all for it (depending on their age and ability to understand of course). If she's vindictive - she'll turn them against you in a heartbeat.

As one person put it in this forum - the only way you'll know if the judge will accept the proof as evidence is if you bring it forward. You're doing better than an uncle of mine did when he found out his wife was fooling around while he worked two jobs to keep the house and her in furs... he owned a 22 caliber rifle...took it with him to the lover's house and asked the lover's wife where he could find him, with gun in hand...

Bottom line - go into this cautiously, think things out before you move, make sure you have a good answer for each of the judge's or court's questions and you should be okay - for the divorce papers. The ramifications of your children's ideas and opinions of this whole process I cannot ever predict. That's something you have to make them understand yourself before it gets out of hand.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

It's one thing to "discover" something on the computer because of an auto login but to intentionally use spy ware etc is an act of domestic violence and violation of several federal codes. So while you may feel hurt, angry and justified they will look at both sides and all the evidence, how it was obtained, even the plotting you did. Many relationships go through rocky places, your actions make me question your role in this also, while you are "wronged" we don't know her side or what you have done. Yes you say you haven't been unfaithful, but many other things undermine a marriage. Dealing with issues constructively, through counseling can be very helpful no matter whether divorce is the outcome or not.

I think that if you were really set on being free you would have filed for divorce right away and you are still questioning the course of action. In Georgia, Audltery is grounds that would affect spousal support but likely not everythng else and the way you obtained the evidence could work against you. Waiting until School started may have allowed things to run them selves out, they saw each other 3 times for a few hours, he was in Iraq, most likely it wouldn't have continued if he returned it wasn't like you all lived in the same neighborhood.

Sending the evidence to the wife of the Marine, gave you some satisfaction of getting even with him by hurting his family, because you were hurt, that is one thing, sending it to his commander affected more than your wife and him, it affectd a lot of other people. You are angry and hurt, you can't love anyone now including yourself. Why don't you and your wife get some counseling and if that doesn't work after a reasonable time, get your divorce in a reasonable manner and not make it into a hurtful trauma for everyone including your children.

 

[DrewfromCA]

Wow, some story Rake. Hope it all works out for you. As for the evidence, etc., I think that is a moot point as it may only marginally help you in the distribution of assets, but not a whole lot(just a layman's opinion).

As a man, I can see how you would feel the way you do, and I hope it goes well. Good luck getting the kids, I think you will. And even if you don't, they will know if you are a good guy, and see your wife for what she really is(and I won't go into that).

Good luck, and keep your chin up!

 

[TheRake]

My wife beat me to the punch and served me with divorce papers on July 22.

I'll be seeing my attorney on Friday.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Since you were telling us on 7-21-4 what you had done, BTW did your attorney tell you to send that stuff to the Marine's commander and wife or did you do that on your own? Is it any surprise that she filed for divorce the next day?

 

[smorr]

My wife beat me to the punch and served me with divorce papers on July 22.

I'll be seeing my attorney on Friday.

My response:

I'd be interested in seeing what SHE used as a basis for the divorde...irreconcilable differences, perhaps?

Or, possibly "I was bored with this one so thought I fool around with someone else?...."
Or here's a good one - "he was spying on me by reading my personal e-mails... to my lover...." Yeah, that one should go over nicely with the judge as a reason to divorce you.

Sorry, just can't stomach someone cheating on their spouse - if you're unhappy, separate, then find someone else.... My ex- was abusive for years and I still didn't cheat on him.. I finally left (with the kids since he was just starting in on them too) and then filed for divorce.

My guess is she's afraid she just may lose custody to the children, so decided to beat you to it....well, at least now you know what you're dealing with... and the war begins...I wish you luck!

 

[Harmed]

In my state ( new york)

I am sorry about your dilema I went through the same situation but I was the one having the affair .

in New York if you have sex with your wife after discovering adultery it is considered forgiveness It may be the same where you .So if you sleep with her after that you MAY not have adultery as ground What i see is that grounds are usually "agreed to "to justify the divorce Here is my story :

My wife left me after she caught on .Amazingly though she already had someone of interest waiting .Before the divorce was even put before a court she traveled to Hawaii with someone. After the divorce i realized I made the biggest mistake of my life We both cried at the divorce I hate myself for ruining 2 lives . She is better off without me Your wife may also realize it is a mistake after its too late That being said in my state the grounds for divorce did not really help either of us out we wound up agreeing to " constructive abandonement " I do not know how much "grounds " really help or hurt Divorce in my state is really a financial issue . If yoyu want a divorce they will grant it .I wish you all the luck in the world.... I feel for you ..

 

[TheRake]

in New York if you have sex with your wife after discovering adultery it is considered forgiveness It may be the same where you .So if you sleep with her after that you MAY not have adultery as ground

It is the same here and I did have sex with her after I found out. But not for forgiveness. I did it so I could tell her boyfriend I've been nailing her. If I would have known about that "forgiveness" issue, I certainly would not have had any sex with her.